In the forests of the night
by sleepy-crypid
Summary: Old story, please see "Our Shadows Fall Away Like Dust" for the rewrite.
1. First impressions

A/N: This is a Jasper/OC pairing fic. I wanted to explore an alternative romance than ran parallel to the series. It will follow the series parallel to Bella/Edward's romance but they are not the main pairing. Also please keep in mind that while I will try to keep it as canon as possible, there are some things I will alter to be less problematic.

Disclaimer: If you recognize it, it's not mine. I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with SMeyer or her intellectual property. I'm diving in the sparkly sandbox again and shaking things up.

 **Tyger Tyger burning bright,  
In the forests of the night:  
What immortal hand or eye,  
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?**

* * *

In a lot of ways being a Navy brat sucked. I didn't have a lot of friends because I moved around a lot, didn't see my parents much because dad's very busy man and mom's a lawyer. I struggled in school because I just wasn't around long enough for it to stick. I didn't have many living relatives either. Both of my grandparents on both sides were dead, my dad was an only child, and my mother has one sister who lives in Washington state. You can probably understand why my self-confidence was in the proverbial toilet.

We'd spent the last five years in New York City, my dad commuting to the base in Pennsylvania. My parents were moving to the base in Tacoma- I say my parents because I was going to be living with my aunt and uncle in Forks, a tiny town in the Olympic Peninsula three hours away. I was embarrassed to admit the fact I'd had a complete meltdown New York City when I was told we were moving again, having said things I now regretted.

My parents are sort of strangers, but they are good people and want what's best for me. Unfortunately, their ideas of what's best for me don't match mine (which makes sense I suppose seeing as how I'm seventeen and they're my parents). They do love me and I love them dearly, but we aren't what I'd call close. Both are strict and have high standards, always pushing themselves -and by extension me- to succeed. Sandra, my mom, had my life plotted out from my birth onward to my college graduation- I'd been put through the particular hell known as charm school when we lived in Georgia at her insistence and had been groomed to pursue a respectable career such as a lawyer, doctor or politician. My grades were average, mostly B's but were a source of vexation for my perfection obsessed mother.

My father William was the strong, silent type- a preacher's son from Tulsa, Oklahoma. He'd enlisted at eighteen and had climbed the ranks quickly to become a respected and decorated leader. He had high hopes for me but his number one expectation was that I would continue the family military tradition, even if I wanted to go after college. While my mother was focused on turning me into an independent woman, he made sure I knew self-defense, how to use a gun, basic survival skills, ect. I was more prepared than your most experienced boy scout. When I was younger we spent a lot of time outdoors, which was fine since I'd enjoyed being outside.

Our plane landed at Sea-Tac on a foggy morning in November. I would be going on to Port Angeles in about an hour in another small plane where I'd be met by my aunt and uncle to pick me up for the hour long drive back to Forks.

My earbuds which had been firmly shoved in my ears throughout the flight were yanked out by my mother once we reached baggage claim to wait.

"Sloane, you know I hate it when you do that in public," Sandra complained, stepping behind me to pull my red hair out of its sloppy ponytail and into a much neater bun. We weren't sure where the red had come from, my dad having black hair and my mom a natural blonde, but in a way, it made me happy. It was a trait that was all mine. Even if it was a hassle to maintain.

"Mom, stop- ow!" My eyes watered when she pulled too hard. My hair was a riot of curls, a dark copper mane that tumbled past my waist. It had a mind of its own and didn't take kindly to being secured in any way shape or form. As you can imagine it infuriated Sandra.

"If you would just straighten it regularly you wouldn't have this problem." I shut my mouth to stop myself from arguing about how it would take me literal hours to straighten my hair. It wouldn't do any good since she'd continue to fix it her way anyway. Sandra finally stepped back to look at her handiwork. My head hurt from how tightly it was secured and I went to adjust it when all three hair ties snapped, my curls exploding free and back into their usual waterfall.

"It's not my fault," I insisted when she threw up her hands, exasperated. I rolled my neck, wincing at the kink on the right side. I really needed to stop falling asleep sitting up in bed, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to turn my head. Sandra ran a critical eye over me sighing, "Stop slouching. It's unbecoming."

Her phone rang and she stepped away to answer it, her tall and stylish heels clacking against the tile as she walked. They were very pretty shoes, the type professional women like my mother wore- the kind she wanted me to wear. I glanced down at my black steel toed boots I'd fondly dubbed my "bitch kickers."

My dad dropped a hand on my shoulder to get my attention and I craned my neck to look up at him. I wasn't exactly short standing at a very average five foot six, but he was tall, a hair over six foot. He was a severe looking man with his hair cut high and tight and his clothes always perfectly pressed. We looked similar, both of us having precisely the same strange mint green eyes, high cheekbones, and strong jawline. I didn't look anything like Sandra.

"Hm?"

"How are you feeling, spitfire?" he asked kindly, brushing a curl from my face. My heart clenched at the endearment. My parents, for all that we spent little time together, loved me and I would miss them. I told him so.

"You can still come with us. It's not too late to change your mind." For a brief moment I wanted too, but I steeled myself.

"No," I said after taking a deep breath. "I think this is something I need to do." Guilt burned in my gut. "I'm sorry for what I said back in New York, I acted like a-"

He cut me off. "Like a kid who wants some normalcy in her life. I know moving around all the time has been hard for you and your mom. You're normally such a mild mannered girl so it was a bit of a shock when you exploded, but it was understandable." He pulled me into a tight hug and I buried my face in his shoulder.

"I love you, spitfire. I have ever since your mom told me you were on the way. If this is something you feel you need to do, then I'll support you all the way." He pulled back from me to look me in the eye.

"But if you ever use language like that in front of me or your mother again we are going to have a conversation I promise you won't like," He said seriously. I nodded quickly and he pulled me close again. I hugged him as close as I could before we let go. I heard Sandra come stand beside us having finished her phone call.

She held out her hand and pulled me into a hug that smelled like Burberry perfume and was as familiar as my own reflection. She held me tightly, just as I held her.

"Darling girl, you've grown up so fast," She said pulling away to look me in the face. Her smile was watery as she continued. "Goodness gracious, it's like you were two years old with skinned knees and grass stained overalls just yesterday."

She brushed her fingers under her eyes. My mother was beautiful with her cornsilk hair, gray eyes and doll like features. She stood eye to eye with my father in her shoes, dressed to impress as she usually was. We had little in common and she was a harsh taskmistress but I truly appreciated everything she had tried to instill in me. Even if I had hated every second of charm school.

"Now Sloane, I want you to remember to keep in touch. We're only three hours away should anything happen and I want you to know that if you need to come home you can." She brushed imaginary lint off the shoulders of my navy blue coat.

"I promise," I said with a watery smile. This was a good thing, but I didn't understand why it was so hard. Sandra must have seen something on my face because she continued.

"My sister is a good woman and she married an equally good man. Archie is a Lutheran pastor and your cousin Angela is a lovely girl. You haven't met your younger cousins but I'm sure you'll love them all the same."

I remembered Angela. We'd played together as children, although we mostly ended up sitting back to back somewhere to read books. She was very kind then and I hoped she hadn't changed.

With final hugs and tearful goodbyes, I boarded my flight as my parents left for their rental car. The flight was short but alarmingly bumpy in some places. I enjoyed flying, but I'd never been so thankful to get out of a plane once we landed.

I spotted my aunt immediately. Seeing her was a bit of a shock. She and Sandra were identical twins, but the looks department was apparently all they had in common. My mother was a power dresser, looking like she stepped off a page in Vogue both in and out of a courtroom with perfectly styled hair cropped into a bob. Stacy, on the other hand, was dressed modestly and comfortably in a cable knit sweater, jeans and comfortable looking shoes, with hair just past her shoulders. I could see a scrunchie on her wrist. Next to her stood a tall kind looking man with a receding hairline and a neat gray beard similarly dressed but in a more subdued color palette.

As soon as I was in reach Stacy pulled me into a warm hug and I felt much better. She smelled like cookies and fresh rain. Archie hugged me as well.

"Look at you, honey! You look just like your daddy now," Stacy said with a big smile. "Let's go get your bags and get the heck out of dodge."

We did just that, piling my three bags into the back of their van. Archie had looking questioningly at them but didn't comment. Stacy didn't seem to have the same compunction.

"This it, honey?" She looked at me disbelieving.

"Navy brat," I replied, mostly joking We moved so much that I didn't collect much. I had a few books and some clothes having learned to live and pack lightly. "Mom has seven bags twice the size of mine."

She laughed and it was a lovely sound. "I believe it. Sandra always was a bit of a clothes horse, even when we were kids."

The drive to Forks was pleasant and I found myself relaxing into their company. Archie was a quiet man, but he had a very kind demeanor. Stacy, in contrast, was as warm as a batch of cookies and just as sweet. She happily chattered the whole way back, filling me in on all the town gossip and news.

"Now don't worry about being the new kid," She said while piling her hair up on top of her head with a pink scrunchie. "Chief Swan's daughter arrived from Phoenix about two months ago. She's a nice girl, a little quiet. I'm sure Angie will introduce you."

"Arizona? Wow. That's a change."

"Isn't it? She doesn't look like it either! Pale as the moon, Bella is. She's a bit quiet and could use a good meal or two. She's rather attached to one of the Cullen boys. Edmund, Edgar- something old fashioned."

I fidgeted in my seat feeling the familiar feeling of embarrassment while she discussed Bella. I wasn't overweight but was on the higher end of the healthy BMI range. My breasts were larger than average as were my hips and my backside had more padding than I was comfortable with. I wasn't hideous, but I always felt that I could (and should) lose about ten pounds. I pulled myself away from the negative thoughts that threatened to spoil my mood.

"Cullen boys?" I asked more out of politeness than any real interest.

"Doctor Cullen and his wife moved to our little town from Alaska two years ago with the five teenagers they'd adopted. Can you imagine that? They're absolutely wonderful and their children are very polite, with excellent manners." I raised my eyebrows at her enthusiastic endorsement and made a mental note to talk to Angela about it further.

I looked out the window to get a look at where I'd be living. Forks was a far cry from the glamorous apartment I'd lived in with my mom in Manhattan. Obviously, a military salary wouldn't be able to cover such an extravagant spot, but my mom made her own money as a highly successful prosecutor.

New York was a rush of life and lights, always moving and spinning. I loved everything about it- the noise, always seeing something different every day, the _food_. God, I was going to miss real pizza and bagels with lox. The city was tiny in size but it held more life than anywhere I'd ever been. It was gray and old and smelled like iron and cigarettes but there wasn't anything else like it.

Forks was green. Which was interesting since green was my favorite color, but I'd never seen so much vegetation in my life. It was also gray but it was a different sort of gray than back home. Here gray meant rain and wet, which in turn blossomed into a sprawling green landscape. It was beautiful in an alien way and I hoped it would grow on me.

We turned off the highway and down a wet road lined with older but neatly kept houses. Archie pulled into the driveway of one that was a bit larger than the others on the street but not by much. There were bikes and other toys strewn about the front lawn and porch had terra cotta pots with cheerful looking flowers. It looked like it had been painted recently, the white coloring not having time to fade. The front door was also freshly painted a bright cobalt blue.

My glasses fogged up immediately when I hopped out of the van. I rubbed the lenses in vain with the end of my shirt but gave it up as a lost cause to help Archie carry my bags inside. It was warm both in temperature and atmosphere inside, looking well lived in. I smiled when I saw the growth chart scratched into the kitchen doorway. We carried my stuff upstairs to the last room down the hall that I'd be sharing with Angela.

The room was painted a buttery yellow and had a large bay window already decked out with fluffy pillows on the window seat. The window was flanked by two beds. On the left was a neatly made captain's bed with a pretty blue paisley comforter that I identified as Angela's bed. On the right was mine, with an iron head and foot board and covered with a giant patchwork quilt and two pillows fluffed just so. There was a small, low dresser at the foot of it made of cherry. A desk and chair made of the same wood were tucked into the corner on the other wall with two mismatched overstuffed bookcases. It looked very inviting and I told my aunt and uncle so. They looked just as pleased as I was.

Archie ducked out when the phone rang, but Stacy stayed to help me unpack. My underwear, socks, and other things went into the dresser, and she showed me in the closet where space had been made to put some of my other clothes. It didn't even fill half of it, much to my aunt's amusement.

"I was so certain you'd have as many clothes as your momma," she said, moving Angela's things back into place. "You don't quite dress like her either if you don't mind me saying so."

I waved it off. "I hunt thrift stores and estate sales for my clothes." Stacy looked askance at me, confused until I elaborated.

"Most clothes don't sit right on me," I explained, gesturing to myself, mentally wincing at my figure. Hourglass was pretty but kind of a pain to shop for. "It's easier to go find stuff I can alter to suit both my shape and my taste." Stacy looked very approving at that.

"I've got a sewing machine that hasn't seen much use, but you're welcome to it all the same. I know Angela would be interested in learning. Poor thing, she's got her daddy's genes, can't find anything off the rack that fits right." I nodded sympathetically.

Once my stuff was put away I was ushered down to the kitchen where Stacy loaded up a bowl of chili and placed it in front of me. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I took a bite, and didn't talk again until my bowl was empty. I flushed with embarrassment but Stacy just waved me off, with a smile I was now sure never left her face. "Don't you worry honey, it's nice to see such a good reaction to my cooking."

"Mom can't cook."

"No, she can't," Stacy agreed. "Did you ever hear about the time she burnt her eyebrows half off trying to boil water for pasta?"

I helped her clean up and do some light chores before I was sent off to take a nap. I was exhausted from traveling, having been awake for nearly eighteen hours. I fell into my bed after making sure my phone was on its charger and passed out on top of the covers.

* * *

I must have been more tired than I thought because I woke up the next morning to the sound of an alarm not my own. I rolled over blinking blearily at the backlight of my phone to check the time.

"It's five thirty," a gentle voice said across from me. I pawed blindly for my glasses, my fingers catching on to the edge of the black plastic cat eye frames. I shoved them on my face to see Angela sitting cross legged on her bed in a very comfortable looking set of pink flannel pajamas. She was very pretty, with wide brown eyes and mousy brown hair streaked with honey. I could tell she was tall even when she was sitting.

I stretched, groaning as the muscles in my spine popped. I was a bit sore from not having moved all night, but a little stretching wouldn't hurt. I sat up slowly and blinked slowly in a vain attempt to wake up.

"Morning Angela," I said, my voice still raspy with sleep.

"Good morning Sloane. We don't normally have to wake up until six, but I thought you might want to get to school early today to get your bearings."

"That sounds good. I really appreciate it." I was a little floored by her thoughtfulness and grinned as she blushed slightly. She stood up and walked over to her closet to pick out her clothes for the day, and I ducked grabbed my toiletry bag to do my morning routine in the bathroom.

I normally went all out on my makeup, but I really wasn't feeling like doing a full face this morning. I toned it down instead and went with my signature gold winged liner, mascara and false eyelashes and a quick swipe of tinted gloss. I carefully pulled my hair into a high ponytail, then swapped with Angela to go pick out my clothes. For the first day of school, I didn't want to stick out but I knew it needed to be warm. It took me a few minutes, but I decided on my green and black plaid skirt, black leggings, and my favorite chunky black sweater I'd picked up at an estate sale. My boots were downstairs by the door with the rest of the shoes.

After putting in my silver studs in my ears and taking my meds I grabbed my backpack and toddled downstairs. It clinked a bit from all the keychains on it and glinted in the low light from all the pins and patches I'd attached to it over the years. Honestly, it was on the verge of falling apart but I would hold onto for as long as I could.

Angela appeared a few minutes later in a brown turtleneck and very flattering jeans as I was lacing up my boots. She darted into the kitchen and I heard the sound of the microwave. I normally wasn't a breakfast person, content with a cup of tea and reading the news. Angela reappeared with two slices of banana bread wrapped carefully in napkins and handed one to me.

"There's coffee brewing if you wanted to wait," she offered.

"Do you have tea and to-go cups?"

She showed me in the pantry what she had and I selected a plain black tea with a bit of milk to change the color a bit and just enough honey to take the bitterness off. Angela made her coffee and with cups in hand and coats on we made our way outside.

I hadn't seen him as I stumbled around getting ready, but Archie was waiting in the car for us when we got outside. We ducked into the warmth, sipping on our respective drinks as we slowly arrived in the land of the living.

Forks high school was just off the highway (as everything apparently was) with a sign that declared it to be the home of the Spartans. The buildings were made with maroon colored bricks, all matching and looking like houses. They were surrounded by lots of trees and shrubs that seemed to be creeping in from the forest around. I'd never seen anything like it but I was charmed all the same.

Archie stopped in front of the first building with a sign on the door that proclaimed it to the be the front office. It was drizzling when we exited the car with cheerful goodbyes. Angela, bless her, walked in with me and sat down on one of the chairs to review the notes she'd pulled out of her bag.

My boots didn't make any noise on the orange flecked carpet when I walked over to the front window. A clock ticked loudly somewhere behind the unmanned desk.

"Hello?" I called out.

There was a shuffling and a large woman with red hair in a sweatshirt appeared from somewhere in the back. She looked at me with a critical eye and asked archly, "Can I help you?"

"I'm Sloane Dawson." I cringed slightly as she looked me up and down. From what Stacy had told me the gossip mill flooded quickly and that I'd been the talk of the town- the Pastor's niece from New York City coming to stay. She looked very disapproving as she took in my makeup, overly festooned backpack, and heavy boots. I tried not to squirm and failed.

"Of course, one moment dear," She said as she dug through the mess of papers on the desk. "This here is your schedule and a map of the school."

I was grateful she took the time to show me the best routes to get to my classes and before I left she handed me a slip I needed all my teachers to sign. I was to bring it back at the end of the day, which wasn't a big deal. Once I was set, Angela looked over my schedule and was pleased to see we shared first hour English.

Outside the parking lot was filling with cars, most of them older with the exception of an obviously new Volvo, a flashy red convertible and a big black Dodge truck, all three parked side by side out of the way. It was still raining, so I tugged my hood up over my hair again, glad my blue coat wouldn't look out of place here. I was kind of unnerved at seeing how everyone else was dressed (similar to Angela) and I knew I was going to stick out even more.

Angela patted me on the shoulder when we walked into the tiny classroom and hung up out coats. I heard the room quiet the second I removed it, my hair a flaming beacon against my mostly black outfit. The nameplate on the desk declared the teacher to be Mr. Mason, a tall balding man who stared at me with a slack jawed expression as he signed my slip. I quickly slipped to the back at a desk occupied by another girl who didn't pay me any attention at first.

"He had the exact same reaction to me when I got here." I looked up at the girl sharing my table. She was very pretty with deep chocolate eyes and wavy brown hair that glinted with red strands. Her skin was pale like everyone else here in this rainy town and her eyes had heavy bags on her thin face.

"I'm Bella Swan," She continued. I held my hand out for her to shake. "Don't worry, the rumor mill will probably stop soon."

"Probably?" I laughed a bit self consciously. She smiled sympathetically at the discomfort I could feel on my face. I felt a little better knowing I wasn't the only new person here.

"It's a small town and you're from somewhere more exciting. New York, right?"

"Yeah. I'm Sloane by the way, sorry."

"You're fine. What classes do you have?" I dug out my schedule and handed it to her. She looked it over and nodded, handing it back.

"We share this class and gym. My sympathies," she joked. "Just duck and run when I'm on the court. Everyone else does."

"I'm not a fan of team sports but I'll see if I can keep the ball away from you. I've got good reflexes." The look of relief on her face sent me into a mess of giggles. Bella flicked her hair over her shoulder and I smelled the faintest scent of strawberries.

"I saw that you're in the AP seniors physics. You must be pretty good at science then."

"Not really." I shrugged. "I just really like the subject. I struggle a lot with it but because I like it, it motivates me to work harder." Having ADHD didn't help either, I thought to myself as I drummed my fingers lightly against the tabletop.

Our conversation was cut off by the Mr. Mason calling for attention. I dug around in my bag for my notebook but couldn't find a pen. I tapped Bella on the shoulder. "Do you have an extra pen?" She wordlessly handed me a spare and returned her attention to the front.

It wasn't quite as easy for me to focus. My toes kept tapping the on the crack in the dingy linoleum as my eyes flicked around the room. Directly in front of me were two girls. One was a white-blonde in a trendy dress and the other was shorter with light brown hair. Both were as pale as the moon and I was beginning to realize that was the norm here.

The bell was awful, a loud nasally buzz that caused me to jump out of my skin. I grabbed my bag and weaved my way through the slow moving students to get my coat trying to not draw attention to myself.

Which failed miserably because I ended up walking to my next class with my nose stuck into my map. I made it Trigonometry just as the last bell rang, and was forced to introduce myself to the class by Mr. Varner. I silently begged for the ground to open up and swallow me as I slunk to the back empty seat. The rest of the morning continued on like so.

So people were nice enough to come introduce themselves to me and I honestly appreciated it. I normally didn't have an issue with shyness but that was back in New York where you were just as likely to never see someone again after meeting them- here everyone's grandparents had gone to school together. They were mostly very welcoming but some were standoffish. I didn't take it too personally.

Angela met me outside Spanish class to walk with me to lunch. We got our trays and then she led me to a full lunch table in the crowded cafeteria, cheerfully introducing her to my friends. I'd just taken my seat next to a blonde boy named Mike when I saw Bella walking past. I waved at her but she didn't seem to see me, instead rushing quickly to a table occupied by a bronze haired boy.

"Don't bother," said a girl I was pretty sure was named Jessica. "She doesn't bother with us anymore when she can hang out with the Cullen's." Mike sighed and rolled his eyes at her which caused Jessica to glare back. "It's true! As soon as Edward paid her the time of day she up and left us!"

"Like you wouldn't do the same," he snarked, taking a bite of his pizza. The table dissolved into a ridiculous argument that I lost track of, instead trying to focus on not stressing out. The noise was overwhelming and I felt myself getting a little uncomfortable in the unfamiliar intense environment.

 _I'm safe, I'm calm, I'm okay,_ I thought, repeating the familiar mantra my therapist had taught me. I focused on my breathing, inhaling three counts, holding it, then exhaling three. Slowly I relaxed by degrees and took my banana in hand. I peeled it slowly, taking the time to carefully pick it apart into bite-sized pieces.

Mike laughed loudly and fell against my shoulder, jarring me out of my calm state. He apologized quickly before going to back to rough housing with Eric. I could feel an anxiety attack beginning, my chest feeling tighter with each breath.

Something tickled against me and suddenly I was flooded with a burst of calm that chased away all the negative feelings. I was so calm I couldn't be startled at the realization. As I looked up and around the cafeteria, my gaze was drawn to a table in the corner occupied by four of the palest people I'd ever seen. One of which who was already staring at me.

My eyes locked with an intense molten gold. Feelings of calm flooded through me, as if I was being wrapped in a warm blanket of good vibes.

The stranger was ridiculously handsome with his long blond hair and the most incredible eyes. He looked tall and lean but well muscled. He was dressed in a long sleeved navy button down shirt with the top two buttons undone to reveal his white undershirt. The way the table was angled I could see he was wearing black jeans and boots.

But something was just _off._ He was too pale, far too pale to be natural. His eyes had heavy purple bags that made him look sleep deprived. I felt a rush of sympathy- I was very familiar with the evils of insomnia, but something told me that wasn't quite it. He was beautiful, but I could feel my gut telling me to stay far away.

Jessica waved her hand in front of my face and I pulled my attention from his eyes to her angry ones. "I'm sorry, I got distracted. What did you say?"

"I was going to invite you to come to First Beach with us but you're obviously more interested in the Cullen clan." she huffed. I felt bad for getting so absorbed in a stranger across the room and ignoring the people in front of me. ADHD strikes again!

"I'm sorry Jessica, I space out sometimes. They just look a little… different," I said delicately. Mike hooted with laughter next to me.

"Different? That's not what I expected you to say."

Angela patted me on the shoulder kindly as I struggled to find the words to reply. I didn't know what to say about the people across the room. I did manage to not look back over at them and was able to sort of focus on the conversation around me. Jessica softened a bit when I made the effort to engage. She seemed nice, if a bit of a snob. It wasn't enough to bother me. I'd met people who were much worse.

When lunch ended I stood up to toss my still mostly full tray in the trash- anxiety attacks always killed my appetite. I snuck a look up at the boy from earlier which was a mistake. He met my gaze with an even stare of his own, and I blushed a bit as his eyes slowly dragged up from my boots to my own gaze.

There was something about those eyes of his that triggered a memory from when I was a kid. I'd gone through a phase where I'd been obsessed with big cats. My mom took me to the zoo so that I could go see them, all the while laughing while I dragged her determinedly through the crowds. Little eight year old me had stood close to the glass watching the lazy beasts lounge around in their majestic glory. One had locked eyes with me and had stalked closer, a big male who sat in front of the glass where I'd pressed my hands. He'd very slowly lifted a paw and pressed it where my left hand was, all the while staring me in the eye with a vivid gaze.

 _Tyger tyger, burning bright,_ I thought as I finally broke eye contact with him. Scurrying back to my table where I'd left my bag, I went to exit the cafeteria but for whatever reason, I looked back at him. He raised an eyebrow, his lips twitching in an almost smile. I ran out with my face burning to my next class.


	2. A Major Realization

**DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, it's not mine. I'm not affiliated with SMeyer or any of her intellectual property.**

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."

 _Carl Jung_

 **JPOV.**

* * *

Alice was up to something.

I'd tried asking Edward what was going on in her head but he was too busy obsessing over his singer. I'd gone to Rosalie to see if Alice had confided in her. She hadn't, and my sister wasn't particularly pleased with my interrupting her while she was elbow deep in an engine. Emmett had just grunted at me with his eyes glued to the video game on the television. Esme and Carlisle didn't know anything either but weren't concerned since whatever it was had Alice in an absolutely brilliant mood.

So, I lay sprawled on the couch with a book forgotten in my hand as I watched Alice flit around the room like a kid on a sugar-high. Her spiky hair almost seemed even fluffier as her emotions swirled like a tornado of joy. She normally was a happy person, so the buoyant quality of her emotions wasn't unusual. It was part of what had drawn me to her actually -happy feelings were like a drug to me. Except now.

She kept glancing over at me and grinning, refusing to divulge whatever was going on in that brain of hers.

" _What?"_ I snarled when she did it again, this time dissolving into giggles. I threw my book at her but she dodged it neatly to stand just inches from my face.

"Today is going to be a day you'll never forget," She said brightly, tapping my nose and dashing up the stairs. My brow furrowed as I wracked my brain about what she meant. There wasn't anything special about today. It was November 5th. The date didn't have any significance outside of England so far as I knew and none of us celebrated anything in November. Alice's assertion that today would be memorable didn't make any sense.

Then again some of her visions had a tendency to not make sense until they came to pass. I pinched the bridge of my nose. Vampires didn't get headaches but I was pretty sure this mystery was going to cause one.

I sat up slightly to look out the windows covering the back of the house. It was still dark out but I could hear birds beginning to stir. If I was going to hunt before school I'd need to go now. I grabbed my book from the floor and went upstairs to change into something I didn't mind destroying.

I returned in time to shower and change into whatever Alice had laid out (she insisted on dressing all over us and it was a harmless indulgence even if it wasn't to my taste). I was surprised to find a pair of jeans instead of slacks like usual. She'd left a note on top too.

 _Find your old boots to go with these._

I dug them out and tugged them out once I was dressed. This was much more my speed. I ran down the stairs and grabbed the messenger bag that acted as my prop for school. I hated this farce. High school was terrible- the dizzying amount of humans crammed into a small space was amplified for me as I could sense their emotional states as well. There is nothing more distracting than trying to focus through the haze of hormonal adolescents.

In another life, I was the youngest Major in the Confederate cavalry- a leader of men forged in the fires of war with more victories than losses under my belt. When I was reborn I was just as fierce; an unholy creature of death that revelled in a sea of blood. Now I lived quietly in a coven of vegetarian vampires while masquerading as a teenage _boy._

Feeding on animals didn't bother me. Sure it was unappetizing and left me not quite as strong as I was when I fed on humans but it wasn't terrible. I didn't mind the quiet life with my coven. It was a welcome change from the horrors of Maria but there's some shit you can't shake off. My vampire adolescence, if you could call it that, was one of violence and slaking of lusts- waging war, hours in the arms of lovers, the all consuming desire to _feed_. I had lived in excess as a reward for my competence in maintaining Maria's massive army of newborns; all for the low price of my sanity.

I wasn't proud of the man I had been then, but I still sometimes found it hard to adjust to a more civilized way of life. It was better for me since I didn't have to feel the emotions of my human victims as I drained them, but I was ashamed to admit that a small part of me missed it. I missed feeling stronger.

When those thoughts crept in I would make sure to spend more time with my adopted family, save Edward. He was a decent person if rather young and he had my loyalty as a coven mate. He was disturbed by my history and by what he saw in my mind. I understood and didn't mention it to him. Neither did I hold it against him when he excused himself from my presence when the heavy thoughts came. I'd never willingly inflict those horrors on someone.

I made it down to the garage to see that Rose and Emmett took the convertible today. Edward's Volvo was also missing. Alice was waiting in the passenger seat of my truck an impish smile on her face. I got in and turned halfway round as I backed out carefully, trying to avoid Esme's flowers. Emmett had made the mistake of being careless and my ears had rang for hours after the tongue lashing he got.

I parked in the back lot of the school as usual, taking a moment to brace myself for the day. Hunting beforehand helped but it wasn't a perfect cure. The steering wheel creaked alarmingly under my grip and I relaxed it immediately. I hadn't realized I'd been holding it so hard. Alice touched my wrist and I could feel waves of sympathy from her. I gave her a tight smile I knew she saw through but I didn't know what else to give her that wasn't a lie.

Ever since we'd met in that diner all those years ago Alice and I had been as tight as any two people could be. I was fascinated by her seemingly endless optimism, having been instantly charmed by her abrupt introduction. We were friends and always would be. She'd helped lead me to a better path and I could never thank her enough for it. Through her, I'd found a life with meaning and a family that welcomed me with open arms even knowing who I had been. Their unconditional love and support had been an unexpected gift.

The family had hoped Alice and I would be together romantically, but it wasn't meant to be. I actually had held out hope for a while until she had taken me for a walk to gently inform me she'd seen her mate in a vision. I had been disappointed but got over it quickly. We were still very close friends and did pretend to be together when we moved around- it made unwanted suitors stay away. Which was fine with me. I had enough issues just walking around humans let alone speaking to them one on one in most settings.

Alice and I exited the truck, her skipping at a human pace to where Rose and Emmett sat at a wooden table in the shade. Edward was sitting away from them with Bella, the two of them with their heads bent close together looking for all the world like oblivious smitten teenagers (which I guess was technically true). Rose was glaring daggers at Edward who was either oblivious or ignoring her. My money was on the latter. He hated being in her mind as much as mine since Rose had become a master at keeping him out.

I wasn't a fan of Bella Swan. Besides the fact that she presented a huge danger to our family I found her entirely to negative as a person. It didn't escape my notice either that she quickly abandoned her human friends for Edward, seemingly content to revolve her world around him. I was sure that was likely due to an underlying issue, but Edward was enamored with her. I didn't like how he was playing with fire by being so close to his singer but had been overruled. So I let it go and kept an eye out.

The ice covering the asphalt crunched beneath my boots as I walked at a human pace over to my waiting siblings. I held my breath more out of habit than anything. It was cold today so I didn't have to worry about the students getting in my way since they were all in a rush to inside. I had looked up to catch Alice's eye when she jumped up excitedly to look at something out of my field of vision. Turning my head to follow her gaze I saw red.

Literally.

My head turned around to see a human female exiting the front office with the most vibrant red hair I'd ever seen. She was tugging her hood over those brilliant tresses as she walked placidly next to a tall girl who I was almost positive was named Angela. I always did like her. She was always very calm, nearly serene. Edward had confirmed she was just as kind in her head as she was in her person.

I stood frozen as I tracked the girl's path, every sense I had fixed on her. Her face was hidden from my current angle, and I stepped around to try and catch a glimpse. I could feel my monster wake up and take notice, him also focusing on her. My nostrils flared as I inhaled deep trying to catch her scent.

 _Asphalt, snow, sweat, oil, perfume, cheap cologne, vampire, trees-_ none of that was right. I inhaled again once I was a little closer. My throat lit up in the familiar burn from the scent of human but I pushed through it.

 _Lavender, vanilla, black tea, honeysuckle, roses, ink._ I staggered as if I'd been punched, just barely managing to catch myself before I face-planted in the parking lot.

My world hadn't ever seemed off center but the second I scented her it was as I'd been stumbling around lost and she was my true north.

She ducked inside one of the classrooms and I felt a rumble build up in my chest when she disappeared from my line of sight. I stamped it down quickly and hurried over to when my family waited. My monster roared to follow.

Alice was bouncing excitedly with a smile so wide I almost wondered if it hurt. Rose looked exasperated while Emmett looked between all of us, clearly confused.

"Uh, what the hell just happened?"

"Jasper found his mate!" Alice said, flinging herself at me. I caught her and tucked her under my arm out of habit. Emmett's eyes widened as they flicked from the closed door and back to me. He opened and shut his mouth twice before finally just shutting it and stared at me in amazement. My gift told me he was shocked and slightly anxious, but overall very pleased.

"Holy shit, man. A human chick? Like Edward's human?" Rose hissed from her perch on her mate's knee and Emmett pulled her closer to his chest. For all that she projected this image of a stone cold bitch Rosalie was fiercely loyal to her family and would fight tooth and nail against any threat. She was upset, but I knew her well enough that it stemmed from worry rather than fury.

"She'd better not be anything like Edward's human," she spat. Rose wasn't a fan of Miss Swan either.

"She's not," Alice said cheerfully, reaching out her hand to link her fingers with Rose's. "She's a good girl. You two will be very close friends." Emmett snorted, then yelped when his mate shoved her elbow into his side.

"So what are you going to do?" Emmett asked.

"I have no fucking clue."

 _Liar,_ whispered my monster. I ignored it, clenching and unclenching my jaw. This was a disaster. We had one human who was already a danger to us. Edward was risking our exposure by running around with Bella - which wasn't exactly my issue. She was his singer. Edward had excellent control just like Carlisle, but him purposely spending so much time with her was foolish. A vampire's singer was more of a temptation than any other human, something Edward was aware of. It didn't help that Bella was possibly the clumsiest human in the world which increased the likelihood of her dying that much higher.

As a rule, most vampires didn't interact with humans unless they were hunting. There were special cases in which vampires chose to integrate into human society like our coven did, but most didn't follow the vegetarian diet we did. It wasn't uncommon for vampires to have relationships with humans but normally they were physical ones. Occasionally vampires found their mates while human, the relationship normally resulting in the human being changed.

Sometimes though, the human rejected the vampire. If there was one thing most of my kind didn't give humans credit for was just how strong their self-preservation instinct was. Yes, we were designed to be attractive to our prey, but there were some individuals who recognized the danger we posed and as such were unable to be lured in. I tried not to think about the possibility of this outcome.

Just seconds of being in my presence she had both me and my monster wrapped around her finger for the rest of our existence. I'd fight for her if she rejected me, but if she was truly adamant about it I would respect her wishes. Even if I didn't think I'd recover if she said no.

 _I won't give her a reason to_ , I vowed.

My mindset shifted back into the Major as I reviewed different mental lists I'd made of the area, what I knew about humans to keep them healthy, various security protocols and plans we'd had in place. She would need time to acclimate to the idea of us, which I didn't mind, but I wasn't going to leave her undefended.

But first I needed to talk to her. I didn't even know her name.

Emmett chuckled as he and Rose stood up. He casually threw an arm around her, shouldering both of their bags. "You're a moody fucker but I've never seen you so pathetic."

I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to elaborate. Alice slipped out from under my arm and wandered off.

"You haven't looked away from that door since she went through it." I blinked, startled, turning my head to look at him. A big cheesy grin was on his face, his eyes glinting with good humor. Rosalie rolled her eyes as she slid off his lap.

"You and I will talk later," she promised me. The bell sounded above us and we all split off to our respective classes like any other day.

* * *

I heard the first whispers about her while in French. Not my choice of class but the Spanish teacher had realized I was fluent and promptly swapped me out. Nothing I said could persuade her since the crabby woman saw through all my bullshit. Which was too bad since the French teacher wasn't as half as entertaining. At least Rosalie was here with me.

We'd claimed the back left corner desk away from the window. Rosalie had a sketchbook out in front of her as she drew what looked like a schematic for an engine. I didn't know. We both were both mechanically inclined and interested in how things worked but she was the only one with an engineering degree. She got it right after she'd gotten one in astrophysics, on top of her two medical ones. I was amazed at just how many looked at my sister -vampires included- and assumed she was an airhead just because she was blonde and beautiful.

In front of me, I had open a leather journal Charlotte had sent a few weeks ago. She swore she wasn't gifted but somehow she always knew when someone needed a mood boost, especially Peter and I. Her present had shown up while I was in the middle of a rough few days.

It was good quality. The leather was new and the pages were thick so that the ink wouldn't bleed through. She'd pasted a picture of the three of us on the inside cover: Charlotte was between her mate Peter and I, his arm around her waist and mine around her shoulders. The waterfall behind us looked like it was made of fire from the setting sun. We'd laughed like morons as she tried to the take the picture but her arms weren't long enough. In the end, I'd done it since Peter was too distracted looking down at his smiling mate with an equally big grin. It was from our last trip together in Sitting Bull Falls in New Mexico about four years ago.

It was a very thoughtful gift, even though I didn't need to write things down anymore (vampire eidetic memory) but I liked the familiarity of it as Charlotte knew.

I was writing down a list of things I needed from Jenks when I heard Eric Yorkie, an over-enthusiastic boy with greasy black hair and skin problems whispering to his neighbor, Mike Newton. Mike was well-liked and very popular with the fairer sex. I couldn't see the appeal in his baby-face and gel spiked hair, but then again I was a one hundred and forty-one-year-old male vampire (one hundred and sixty-one if you included the years I'd spent as a human), not a teenage human girl. All of that aside he was a genuinely kind person and didn't play the petty games that seemed synonymous with high school.

"Did you see the new girl?" Eric whispered. Mike grinned, nodding enthusiastically. The boy was excitable, almost like a puppy. I snickered at the mental image of Mike as a golden retriever. Rose raised an eyebrow but kept sketching. She was listening too.

"Don't get me wrong, Swan is gorgeous but, _damn_. Red's something else." Eric propped his chin on his hand with a stupid grin.

"That's all they can come up with?" Rosalie said dryly in a voice only I could hear. I grunted in agreement, still writing.

"She's a little curvy for my taste," added Tyler who sat behind them. Mike snuck a look at the teacher who was engrossed in grading tests, then returned his attention to his friends. "I mean, she's hot but I like 'em a little more athletic, you know?"

Eric snorted. "You're never going to get a girlfriend if you keep comparing them to Alice Cullen."

Tyler shrugged unapologetically. "Not my fault she's my kind of girl."

"Her legs looked a mile long in that skirt," Mike sighed dreamily. Eric shoved his shoulder but the blond boy didn't react. My grip tightened on both my pen and self-control. I willed myself to calm down, my monster roaring in its cage, ready and willing to teach these boys some respect. Rose kicked me under the table.

"You're growling. Stop it," she said, glaring. I managed it. Barely.

"Her legs? I was focused on her chest." Eric motioned his hands over his chest to demonstrate. "Be a nice handful or two."

My monster snarled, and I went to stand. Rose clamped a hand down on my thigh hard in warning. Emmett may be accredited to having superior strength, but his mate was a close second. I could probably break her grip but not without causing a scene.

Mike blushed several shades darker causing the other two to snicker. Who would've thought? Mike Newton- sports star, school-girl heart-throb, and blushing virgin.

"Do you think she'd go to prom with me?" Tyler asked, pushing his work aside to fully focus on the conversation. I felt a spike of jealousy from Mike and Eric.

"If you don't tone down the projecting I'm calling Emmett to drag you into the woods." Her grip tightened in warning. I struggled to rein in my gift, crossing my arms over my journal and dropped my head on them with a quiet _thunk._

"What happened to her being too curvy for you?" Eric asked a little defensively.

"I said a little. Besides, a girl like that needs a guy who knows how to handle her. You know what they say about gingers."

 _I'm going to fucking kill him,_ I thought as my fingers clenched into fists. Rose moved her hand to my back sweeping her hand up in down in an attempt to soothe. She was as disgusted as me at their conversation. Her emotions surprised me a little; I expected the disgust for them and worry for me, but there was anger there too mixed with a growing determination. In my experience that combination signaled a feeling of protectiveness.

Contrary to popular belief, emotions and feelings aren't the same things. Instead, they're two sides of the same coin. Emotions are a hard-wired universal physical response. Feelings are the mental reactions to the emotions you feel. Because emotions are physical, they can be measured objectively by facial expressions and body language. Because feelings are mental, they cannot be measured precisely. Emotions are generally predictable and easily understood, while feelings are often idiosyncratic and confusing. Feelings reflect your personal associations to emotions - the other side of the coin.

My gift enabled me to feel and manipulate the emotions of people around me but because I couldn't sense the feelings that followed, I didn't always know the reasons behind them. Body language and context of a situation usually was enough to draw a conclusion but sometimes I had to ask.

"Sloane isn't that kind of girl and I don't appreciate you talking about her like that," Newton snapped. His emotions spiked with the same combination I felt from Rose. _Protectiveness._

"You hear that Rosalie?" I was projecting again but it was positive this time. "Her name is Sloane." My sister didn't stop rubbing my back, and I could hear the smile in her voice even if I couldn't see it.

"You ridiculous, smitten fool." She didn't have much room to talk either seeing how giddy she got every time she saw her mate after they'd been separated for any length of time. Her poker face was amazing but emotions didn't lie.

"-like the Cullens." My attention turned back to the three boys I had been eavesdropping on. They were packing up their things in anticipation of the bell.

"Why do you think she'd do that?" Tyler asked, shoving something into his mouth and chewed loudly. "For all we know she might not be looking to date." I heard him take a deep pull from the giant water bottle he carried everywhere.

"Bella did when she first got here," Eric replied, glumly. "We didn't stand a chance."

"Come on, it's not like she's been in town long enough to scope them out and set her crosshairs on them! We don't even know what her type is."

 _Hopefully me,_ I thought.

"A girl that gorgeous _knows_ she's gorgeous. But that doesn't always mean she's stuck up about it. Angela is her cousin, so she has to be nice. I can't see anyone being related to the Weber's being a bad person," Mike reasoned. I was a little concerned at how attached he was already to Sloane.

"Maybe. But isn't she from New York? I've heard they're all pretty moody and rude." I lifted my head up in shock, Rose included.

"You couldn't tell from the accent?" Eric joked.

A New Yorker. The youngest Major in the Confederate Cavalry had a Yankee for a mate. Peter was going to laugh himself stupid. I dropped my head onto my crossed arms again.

"We're all going to ask her out aren't we." It wasn't a question. Eric and Mike nodded as Tyler sighed.

"Then may the best man win." Rose snorted but continued what she was doing. Her feelings of protectiveness grew to my relief. I wanted my favorite sister and mate to get along.

"I won't tell Alice she was right," I said with a smile hidden by my arms. She punched me in response. Completely worth it.

* * *

We lined up with the other students to get the lunches we would later throw away untouched. Emmett and Alice were already at our usual table playing what looked like thumb war.

"You're cheating," Emmett accused as Alice pinned down his thumb. Rose rolled her eyes as she sat down next to him to lean into his side. She pulled a paperback out of her bag and settled down to read. Emmett wrapped her free arm around her, his thumb softly sweeping back and forth on her arm.

"You can't cheat at thumb war, Emmett!" Alice laughed, bracing her forearm on the table again. I noticed she had glitter in her spiky hair. My brother mock-glared at her.

"'Can't cheat at thumb war' the psychic says. I call bullshit." Still, he accepted her challenge and the two played again.

"You are both children," I said without malice, picking up and shredding the soggy french fries on my tray. Once they were complete mush Rose swapped our trays so I could continue on hers.

I stretched my legs out under the table and crossed my ankles, doing my best to look aloof. My mind wandered. As a vampire, I had the cognitive ability to focus on many things at once. One part of my attention was fully focused on my four coven mates, my senses on high alert outside of our den. I couldn't relax until we were back. Another part was a sort of background process that never shut off, identifying and tracking the humans who moved around us. A third background part monitored the emotional atmosphere of the room in case of an emergency requiring my skills to defend my coven and now Sloane.

The most active part of my attention was focused on finding her. I itched to get up and hunt her down, but the thought of looking like a creeper (read: Edward) restrained me. She'd be here soon. My fingers drummed on the table impatiently.

I looked around the room to distract myself. Edward sat alone at an out of the way table as was his new usual waiting on Bella. I disapproved of how much time he spent with her. It wasn't a secret that he spent his nights in her room watching her sleep. It was unhealthy for them both to spend so much time together, albeit different reasons. For Bella, she had completely dropped the rest of her social life to let it revolve around him. For Edward, well. Even he only had so much control before he inevitably snapped.

Edward threw me a dirty look having heard my thoughts.

"You're just as obsessed with the new girl," he said from his seat. I heard him as if he were right next to me.

"Sloane is none of your business."

 _I also don't need to spend every moment with her,_ I thought, knowing he'd hear it. Sure, I'd always need to know Sloane was safe but I was content with the idea of she and I being in the same vicinity but doing our own thing. I wanted her to have her own life.

 _And there she is._

Sloane followed Angela to a full table in the center of the room both of them carrying trays. Newton was right, her legs did look a mile fuckin' long. My appraisal of them also revealed that she seemed to favor her left leg slightly as if it pained her. Her boots clumped heavily against the dingy linoleum (were they steel toed?) to take a seat next to Mike. I still couldn't get a good look at her face. Her hair was in the way and it was even longer than I thought, a whole mess of copper curls falling to her upper thighs. I nearly choked at the sudden mental image of wrapping it in my fist as she-

A growl from Edward interrupted my thoughts. I turned to glare at him but his attention had switched from me to what I assumed was Bella. Turning back in my seat I saw Sloane lift her hand at to greet Bella, who sped past her without a second look towards Edward's table, leaving the scent of strawberries in her wake. I narrowed my focus to fix my gift on Sloane. Once I got a read on her I'd be able to pick her out of any crowd.

 _Nervous, self-conscious, uncomfortable, anxious, shy, slightly happy._

"Don't bother," Jessica Stanley said, jealousy rolling off of her. "She doesn't bother with us anymore when she can hang out with the Cullen's." Mike shifted to make more room for Sloane to sit closer to him as he sighed heavily at Jessica's obviousness. Sloane went to prop her elbows on the table but like with her posture, corrected herself and instead only let her forearms do so. She was picking at her cuticles.

"It's true! As soon as Edward paid her the time of day she up and left us!"

"Like you wouldn't do the same," Mike said and took a bite of his food. He continued talking with his mouth full which caused Sloane to lean away from him in disgust. As the table got rowdier the more her emotions shifted towards distress and anxiety.

First, I noticed was how tightly she gripped her water bottle in her left hand. Her body was held stiffly, her posture still perfect. After a moment her right arm reached around to wrap around her stomach as if she were trying to hug herself. Then her breathing changed, becoming deliberate rather than unconscious. Sloane inhaled for three counts, tapping the table with each beat to keep time. I watched fascinated as she held it for the same three counts, then exhaled, all the while tapping each count.

It was interesting to watch her slowly, but effectively, manage to soothe herself in an environment that was obviously overstimulating. She pulled her arm away from herself to bring it back to the table and grabbed her banana, taking care to peel it just so, as if the deliberate motions helped her focus on being calm.

Then Newton fell back against her and shattered it all.

To my ears, her sharp inhale was as clear if she and I were standing side by side in an empty room. In just seconds Sloane's whole body tensed, her shoulders finally hunched and her emotions climbed frighteningly quickly to what would peak as an anxiety attack.

I didn't think, just reacted. A heavy blanket of calm wrapped around her as best I could. She relaxed near instantly. Then Sloane looked up.

If my heart were still beating I'm positive it would have stopped the second her eyes locked with mine, her makeup and lashes applied to make them seem even larger than they already were. Her glasses only helped emphasize their size, giving her a distinctly innocent look. I'd never seen eyes that shade of mint green before. The effect of them combined with her strong jaw, high cheekbones, fair skin and red hair was striking.

I laced the cloud of calm I'd surrounded her in with more subtle emotions of peace and comfort.

It was easy to just look at her and take in the little details. Her eyes had subtle creases at the corners as if she smiled a lot. Her curls were just slightly frizzy and pulled back out of her way almost as an afterthought. Her hands had faint paint flecks as if she hadn't managed to scrub it all off. She was left-handed, and the dark green polish on her nails was chipping.

 _Quiet, calm, peace, curiosity, undercurrent of nervousness._

Her appraisal of me was just as thorough. Her eyes seemed to jump everywhere, from my head to my boots, my exposed forearms but they always jumped back to my eyes. I wondered what she was thinking. Her poker face was very good.

Jessica snapped angrily at her, and she flushed a fetching shade of pink. With a tight smile I'm not sure she realized she gave me she returned her attention to her friends. Beside me, Emmett whistled.

"That was some intense shit, man." He sounded slightly awed. I looked over at him to see Alice had moved to sit to his left. Even Rose had set down her book to observe what was going on.

"She's an artist. Her work is amazing! Esme is going to love the piece she creates for her." Alice twirled her unopened straw between her fingers, her eyes focused on something only she could see.

"We'll see. Mate or not, I don't want another Bella," Rosalie added, returning her attention to her novel. Emmett chuckled and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Give her a chance, babe. She's your future best friend." She swatted at him. Emmett turned his attention back to me.

"She's somethin', I'll give her that. You ever seen eyes like hers before?" I shook my head no, turning my own back to Sloane. She was laughing at something Angela had said. It changed her entire face, lighting it up like sunshine.

"So, what's your plan?"

"I'm working on it."

"She has gym after lunch with Bella, then physics and history with you." Alice cupped her chin in her hand as she stared ahead with slightly unfocused eyes. Well, that was good news at least.

"I've seen Bella in gym," Emmett said. "She's a disaster. Your girl better have some good reflexes."

"She does," Alice replied, tilting her head to the left slightly. "She'll tell Bella about her black belt in karate next period." Emmett sat back in his chair looking a little impressed. Pride swelled in my chest at that revelation.

The students began to trickle out slowly, one by one and in pairs. The table Sloane was at was emptying quickly. She stood up and walked across the floor to the trash, dumping her mostly untouched tray into the bin. I frowned. _Anxiety or not, that's not healthy. She needs to eat._ I made a note to keep something on my person in case it happened again.

She paused after she dumped her tray and looked up at me. Her posture went rigid again, almost military with her shoulders back and feet shoulder-width apart. Her face was carefully controlled. I projected a gentle wave of calm but all she did was tilt her head. I couldn't resist giving her an admittedly thorough once-over. Her cheeks flushed a pretty pink and I bit the inside of my cheek hard to keep from smiling at her like an idiot.

Whatever she was thinking about must have been interesting- her emotions were calm but she felt like she was happy. Then her face lit up with what looked like a realization. With a short gasp, she darted over to the now empty table to grab her bag. She paused at the door to look back at me.

I couldn't resist teasing her just a little. Her blush darkened as I winked and she all but threw herself out the door.

There was still time before the next period and I wasn't in any hurry. Alice planted a kiss on my cheek before she left, pulling the keys to the truck from my pocket. We couldn't participate in gym, so if we couldn't swap it for another class we'd come up with an excuse for us to sit out.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bella walk out of the room. Edward came over and took the seat next to me. He felt curious and frustrated. _Good. Let him know what it's like for the rest of us._

"You're making a mistake," Rose said as she turned a page in her book. Anger spiked in Edward but he did a good job of controlling it. Emmett and I stayed quiet to watch the show.

"My personal life is none of your business," he replied curtly. "If you don't like it, then don't worry about it." _Bad move_. I glanced at Emmett out of the corner of my eye, smirking as he readjusted his hold on Rosalie to give her more range of movement.

She slapped her book face down onto the table practically vibrating with barely suppressed. I pushed a bit of calm at her but she made a slashing motion with her hand to signal no.

"It is _all_ of our business. Your obsession with this girl could expose us. I refuse to let our lives be uprooted because of your selfishness." I nearly rolled my eyes at the heady blend of lust and pride rolling off of her mate. He at least looked a bit sheepish when I kicked him hard under the table.

"The only person you should be worried about exposing us is Jasper," Edward snapped. " _I'm_ not the one who struggles to see humans as people instead of potential meals. You cannot tell me you think it's a good idea for him to be spending any sort of time in close quarters with this girl?"

I stood up and grabbed my bag, watching with satisfaction as Edward's emotions spiraled into fear. Rose was glaring daggers at him, with Emmett holding her back. He didn't get involved in the arguments that occasionally broke out, and really wasn't the sort of guy who got upset. He was probably the most even-tempered person I'd ever met, as well as one of the most perceptive.

Quick as lightning I had my hand tightly gripping the back of Edward's neck, forcing him to hunch under the pressure I exerted. I leaned into his personal space to speak right into his ear.

"Listen up and listen well. You don't know a thing about me. What you see in my head isn't who I am. I respect that you don't like it and do my best to keep myself out of your way because I do understand that you can't exactly shut your gift off." I shook him slightly when he growled and continued.

"I don't give two shits what you think or say about me, but I'm doing you the courtesy of warning you now. If you even so much as breathe wrong around my mate I will have you on a pyre faster than you can say gasoline. We clear, boy?" With a final shake I released him and strode out of the room.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, but I did enjoy writing Jasper. It's difficult to not cross the line of "aware and protective" over to "stalking and possessive". I'd also like to say that this is** _ **not**_ **an Edward or Bella bashing story. I think Edward would have been a better character, but his attitude toward his and Bella's relationship wasn't healthy. I'd like to address that in this fic and make it less… star crossed lovers and more "navigating first love to true love."**

 **In regards to the boys: I've been out of high school for a while (it was military school actually) so I'm going off of what actual conversations I've heard teenage boys have. I'm aware that Sloane could come across Mary-Sueish but I'd also like to say that she's the shiny new toy. Like all new stuff, interest fades and goes back to normal.**

 **Now that's out of the way, I'd like to hear your feedback: did I do the character's justice? Does it seem rushed? The mate trope is a lot of fun to play around with, but it's also kind of tricky. Are alternating POV chapters to distracting?**

 **Next time: we finally let the first day of school end, and explore some more characters.**


	3. The Strongest Tie to Memory

" **Ah, kindness. What a simple way to tell another struggling soul that there is love to be found in the world."**

 _ **Alison Malee**_

 _ **Sloane POV**_

* * *

"Sloane, wait up!"

I turned around to see Bella running to catch up with me and with only four feet or so between us, she somehow managed to trip over thin air. Lunging forward I grabbed her biceps to steady her.

"You alright there, Swan?"

"Yeah, it happens a lot. You walk really fast, you know that?" I shrugged and gestured vaguely for us to go on. We walked side by side to the gym at a slower Bella-Safe pace.

"So, I couldn't help but notice you checking out, Jasper." She said hesitantly as I pushed open the door. It fell shut with a heavy clang begins us, echoing oddly in the empty room. Honestly, I was a little surprised that the school even had one.

"Who's Jasper?" Bella looked at me incredulously like I'd grown an extra five heads. I shrugged at her, waiting for her to elaborate.

"The guy who kept looking at you at lunch? Tall, blond, golden eyes?" I was almost positive I'd catch fire from how heated my cheeks went as I thought about the _look_ he'd given me just before I ran out of there like a bat out of hell. He was so… intense. Both a major turn on and a terrifying idea.

"You noticed that but you didn't notice me waving at you?" I teased, trying to change the subject. Bella blushed brightly.

"I was a little... preoccupied," she stammered. I snickered and ducked into Coach Clapp's broom cupboard of an office. Bella hung outside while I poked my head in and introduced myself and got my paper signed. He was a large balding man with a ruddy face but he seemed nice enough despite wearing crocs. I received my gym clothes -two mustard yellow shirts, shorts and a pair of sweats both navy blue- although he said because it was my first day I didn't have to dress out. I accepted that gratefully since I hadn't thought to bring my sneakers.

"So do you like him?" She asked me when I stepped back out. I walked over to the bleachers and set down my stuff, deciding to get started on some homework while I had the time. Bella took a seat to my left since we had a few minutes before she had to dress out.

"Like who?"

" _Jasper,_ " she said exasperatedly. It was my turn to raise my eyebrows at her. She looked strange like she was waiting for a certain answer.

"You don't strike me as the gossiping type,' I replied. Shuffling through my bag, I pulled out my phone, headphones and my Spanish homework knowing that would be the one that would take the most time. I'd taken both German and French in New York, and was fluent in the former, while almost fluent in the latter. Languages were something I enjoyed and I had indulged in learning fictional ones. The summer I turned fourteen I taught myself Quenya and the Tengwar script from Lord of the Rings, so I could write in my journals without anyone reading them.

"I'm really not," she said and she sounded so unsure that I looked up from the notebook in my lap. Her brows were furrowed, causing a deep crease between them. It looked so out of place on her that I felt a little bad. She was picking at her nails as she stared at her hands in her lap.

"It's just… it's different here. You're new and from a bigger city. You understand how different it is." Then I understood. She was lonely and didn't know how to fit in, or even if she wanted to. That was something I understood. I reached over and patted her on the shoulder since I wasn't sure if she was the hugging type. I really wasn't but it takes all kinds to make up a world.

"I get it. It's way too quiet here and the green is weird as hell," Bella's mouth quirked in a half smile. "If you're lonely I'm always looking for friends. Just be prepared for me to steal your food and dog ear book pages." Her face morphed into offended indignation so fast that I nearly fell out of my seat laughing.

"How can you do something so terrible?" Bella demanded, aghast. "That should be a crime against literature!"

"I need to mark my place somehow!"

"Then use a bookmark, you heathen!"

I pushed her towards the locker room with a final laugh and turned back to my homework. Coach Clapp turned out to be a sadistic teacher who believed that gym class should be used for actual team sports. Bella must have been as clumsy as she claimed because not only was she picked last, her teammates went out of their way to keep her out of the way.

Somehow a ball got through despite her team's efforts because Bella ended up trying to bat it away from her and it went hurtling towards me. I looked up when I heard the shout and was able to hit it away from me just in time.

Bella ran over to me spouting embarrassed apologies but I stopped her with a raised hand. Looking at her over my glasses I smirked and said, "My reflexes are good. You're the last person who is going to hurt me."

She looked so relieved that I nearly fell over laughing again.

Gym ended finally and I took my time packing up my things. Bella made it back over to me in one piece, apologizing again.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. I'm fine. Tomorrow I'll be able to keep you safe from villainous balls." Behind me, Mike snorted but I ignored him. Her face lit up at something and I followed her gaze to see the boy she'd sat with at lunch leaning against the wall, obviously waiting on her. I went to excuse myself but she waved me over anyway.

He was taller than me, about five foot eleven with the most ridiculous bronze hair I'd ever seen. He looked like he'd stepped out of a commercial for hair gel. Like the rest of his siblings, he was pale with dark shadowed eyes as if he needed a good night's sleep. As I drew closer I noticed he smelled good, kind of like a peppermint, rosemary, apples, cotton and the peculiar scent of a frigid winter day. The stark difference was how black his eyes were, giving him an almost sinister countenance. He looked… _hungry._

His eyes narrowed at me the second I had that thought as if I'd spoken it aloud. Bella didn't notice being too wrapped up in making introductions between the two of us.

"Edward, this is Sloane. She's my valiant defender in gym class. Sloane, this is my boyfriend Edward." He looked me up and down like his brother had but not nearly so intensely. The feeling of unease and distrust I'd had with his brother was back, this time much stronger. I did not trust those eyes.

His lips curved in a closed half smile that might have been full of daggers.

I stuck out my hand politely, falling back on my mother's very thorough etiquette training despite my gut feelings for Bella's sake.

"It's nice to meet you," I said with my best smile. He shook my hand very briefly with his. It was icy cold as if he'd shoved it in a snow bank.

"And you. Protecting Bella from clumsiness is a bit of a full-time job," he replied quietly, his voice a pleasant tenor. He brought his hand up from where it was resting on her waist to the back of her neck in a not so subtle territorial move. Bella's cheeks flushed with embarrassment again and I rushed to reassure her.

"I've got twelve years of karate honed reflexes. Should be a piece of cake." He raised a disbelieving eyebrow and looked at me critically. The corners of his lips dropped in a disbelieving frown, but that was alright with me. My sensei had told me it was better if people made that assumption. It gave me the element of surprise.

 _That's right asshole. I don't have to be a size zero to kick your bronze bouffant ass._

"Impressive," he said mildly. Something brushed my sleeve and I looked over to see a tiny waif-like girl with an inky black pixie standing to my right. She looked up at me and I was a little speechless at how lovely she was. She looked nearly elvish with her delicate features and unbelievably thick lashes I was close enough to see were real. Her eyes were dark like Edward's and again, had the same sleep deprived look. It was less menacing on her though.

"I'm Alice," she introduced herself, her voice high and bright like bells. She bounced on her toes to pull me into a hug that smelled like rain, eucalyptus, citrus, patchouli and that same underlying cold smell Edward shared.

"We're going to be good friends, Sloane. I can tell." She sounded so confident that I just shrugged and went with it, willing myself to relax. She was just overly friendly, I told myself.

"Alice," Edward said, as if in warning. I glanced askance at him immediately on my guard. Something seemed to pass wordlessly between the two of them but I let it go in favor of turning back to Bella.

"Where are you off too?"

"Trig with Varner," she replied pulling a disgusted face.

"My condolences," I said only half-joking. One class and I already hated him. "I've got physics next with Mrs. Bailey."

"She's in the next building. I'll show you." Alice offered.

Holding up my map I said, "I can find it, I don't want you to be late-"

"Don't worry, I've got social studies next door. It's not a problem." I had the distinct impression of a glittery rocket. Beside me, I heard Edward snort but I wasn't sure why. I turned back to Bella and Edward and shrugged my shoulders. Alice seemed nice enough if a bit pushy and excitable.

"I'll see you later then if you survive." Bella rolled her eyes and stood closer to Edward, who wrapped his arm around her shoulders. They really did make an attractive couple.

The bell sounded in warning and we said goodbye. I followed the sprightly girl through the hallway and to the next building feeling rather content. She darted into the class next door and I entered mine just as the final bell sounded.

* * *

Mrs. Bailey was everything I didn't expect to find in the sleepy town of Forks. She was a lot younger than I thought she'd be, a tall young woman who couldn't be more than thirty. She had platinum blonde hair styled with an undercut and a bright blue chunk that swept across her forehead. She was dressed more casually than the rest of the teachers, in white skinny jeans and a black shirt that hung off one shoulder that boldly proclaimed, "Stand back, I'm going to try science!" She was also barefoot, each toe a different neon polish.

"Hey there, city girl," she said with a thick Brooklyn accent. "Just call me Neb." I handed her my slip and she signed it with a flourish in a pink glitter pen. That right there convinced me that I was going to love this class.

"Most of the seats are occupied, so let's see where we're going to put you… ah, yes. I decided to change up the seating plan since _some people_ don't think they need to pay attention to God's gift to high school physics." She mocked glared at the class who in turn groaned back.

"C'mon, Neb, you know you're my best girl," said a deep voice. I looked to see the speaker and was shocked at just how _big_ he was.

The student (and I was seriously on the fence about that) was in the second row looking like he owned the place, his feet propped up on the desk and balancing his chair on two legs. He was built like a damn linebacker with a barrel chest and arms I was almost positive were the product of steroids or fanatical conditioning. Or both. If he stood up I was pretty sure he'd be at least six foot five. His dark hair was adorably curly, with big golden eyes and dimples. I was determinedly not looking at his desk partner who seemed to have his own familiar eyes stuck on me.

"If that were true you'd have better grades, wouldn't you Mr. Cullen?" She retorted. He laughed, the sound deep and rich like molasses.

"I'm too distracted by your breathtaking beauty," he teased. Neb threw a pencil at him as if she were a fellow student and not the teacher.

"I am immune to flattery, young man. Maybe now you'll learn something." He grinned as of taking this as a personal challenge. Neb turned back to me with a wink and sat on the edge of her desk. The classroom had a relaxed atmosphere and the students here actually seemed to _want_ to be here. Which was a nice change from the usual comparisons to high-school and Azkaban.

"Now Miss Dawson," she said, tossing her head to get her bangs out of her eyes. "I'm going to go ahead and seat you with Miss Hale. Go ahead and raise your hand, honey!"

I looked out at the classroom and saw a gorgeous blonde girl lift a pale hand at the back right desk. She looked like she'd been carved from pure marble with features so angular and perfect they couldn't be human. Or real. My breath was taken away just looking at her.

With hesitant steps, I made my way to the back and took the empty seat next to the blonde goddess. She hadn't even done anything but being in proximity with her made my self-esteem take a big hit.

To be honest, I didn't think I was unattractive. My eyes and hair were an interesting combination and my face had been described as striking, but I had acne scars I diligently hid with makeup. My teeth were white but a little crooked in a way that could be called endearing. I wasn't _too_ bothered by my weight either since I wasn't obese by any means, but I was soft despite the years of martial arts training, yoga and being a runner. The doctor said I was healthy and that sometimes it was just genetics. It didn't exactly make me feel better. I was strong despite the softness, could keep up with any other skinny athletically inclined person but sometimes I just wished it showed more.

My biggest insecurity was the extensive, ugly scarring on most of my torso, stomach and left thigh from a car accident I'd been in three years ago, but they were the easiest to hide. So I contented myself with highlighting what I liked about my looks and tried not to worry about the rest.

Like my friend Lola always says: thick thighs save lives. Or could end them since I had once popped a watermelon with mine on a dare. That had been a good day.

How in the world did the Cullen kids smell so good? Just sitting next to the blonde my nose was hit with the sultry scent of roses, jasmine, oranges and fresh bergamot, with the curious cold-smell all throughout. I took a moment to get my brain together and unpacked what I'd need for class.

I sort of coughed awkwardly to get her attention and nearly recoiled at the frigid look she gave me complete with a perfectly shaped brow arched condescendingly. _Why can't my brows look that good,_ I thought grumpily.

"I'm Sloane," I said, feeling like a complete dork. Holding out my hand politely I added, "It's nice to meet you."

She looked down at my hand as if it were a snake trying to bite her. Just when I went to pull it back she reached over and delicately took it. She was just as cold as Edward.

"Rosalie Hale." It was faint but I'd always had a good ear for accents and I was almost certain I heard something that sounded like home in her crisply enunciated voice.

Neb called the class to attention and continued on with her lesson. Her teaching style was fun and she actively engaged us with I appreciated. I felt like I'd actually learn something instead of going home to rely on Google. Beside me, Rosalie appeared to be passively listening but after a few minutes she'd pulled out a sketchbook to continue working on something. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched her bring to life what looked like architecture plans in a steady confident hand.

"Your lines are amazing," I whispered while Neb was occupied with the linebacker guy up front. Rosalie flicked her eyes at me but continued to focus on her work. I sighed and turned back to my own notes, doodling a chain of daisies in the margins.

"Thank you."

I was surprised she'd responded at all, even if it was a bit tersely. Pulling my lower lip in between my teeth I chewed it distractedly. I didn't need fifty billion friends since I craved my solitude, but I did prefer being on friendly terms.

Maybe I was a little determined because Rosalie Hale was apparently an ice-queen type. My best friend Lola had been as well, but once I'd wormed my way under her armor I'd discovered just how much of a genuine and interesting person she was. Typical Slytherin. Not that Rosalie and I were going to be best friends- those things had to happen naturally. But, manners cost nothing and if being friendly helped make things comfortable, then why not?

Suddenly Rosalie slapped her pencil down with a _click_ on the wooden table and turned to me with the iciest glare I've ever been on the receiving end of.

"Aren't you going to ask me about my brother?" She kept her voice low so as to not catch anyone else's attention but she couldn't have sounded more threatening even if she were shouting.

"I'm sorry, what?" I was startled but managed to not shrink back from her honestly terrifying face. Her eyes were flat and icy, and such a dark black even though I could have sworn they had been gold before. She looked almost like she wanted to hurt me like Edward had. _Eyes of a predator._

"Isn't that what all of you girls do?" She flicked her eyes up and down the length of me with such disgust my self-esteem took another hit. "You want to get close to Jasper so you think the best way to get into his good graces is to be nice to his twin sister." _Oh, God_. Now I understood. Nope. Not today. I turned in my seat to look her full in the face as I tried to keep a lid on my temper.

"Listen, Hale," I whispered. "I don't know you and you sure as _fuck_ don't know me. If I wanted to get to know Jasper I'd straight up ask him, not do the coward thing and pretend to make nice with you. That's not my style. Not that it's any of your business but I don't date and even if I did, I wouldn't be scoping anyone out on my first day. My mother spent too much time and effort making sure I'd be classier than that."

Rosalie scoffed and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "As if that stopped Bella."

My grip on my temper was slipping, but I managed to keep my voice steady and quiet. Barely.

"I don't know Bella well, but I've met her boyfriend -your other brother by the way- and let me tell you he's no prize. I'm not the type to make snap judgments but based on his attitude and now yours, my desire to entertain the thought of dating Jasper has slid to the absolute bottom of the list." I saw a head whip around from near the front of the classroom in my peripheral vision so I lowered my voice just in case it was carrying. My foot tapped nervously as I continued on my whispered rant.

"This whole bitch-fit of yours sounds like you trying to be a protective sister, which is something I can completely respect, but you need to crank it back about fifteen notches. You don't know me and I'd appreciate you not assuming shit."

I pointedly turned my chair back to face the front with my eyes firmly on the board and busied myself with writing down the notes and homework. If steam could come out my ears it probably would be. God, I was mad. I didn't get mad easily or even upset much, but she'd hit a nerve almost immediately.

"Edward is not my brother," Rosalie said beside me with her eyes also on her own work. Biting my cheek I willed myself to not react and take the bait but damn my nosy nature to hell. I lasted forty-seven seconds.

"You sure? I've heard all of you were adopted by the good doctor and his wife." Okay, I wasn't perfect. Sometimes the cattiness came out when I was upset. She'd seriously hit a nerve.

"That doesn't make him my brother."

"So he's what? A roommate you can't get rid of?" She pressed hard enough of her pencil against the paper that it snapped.

"Yes."

The absolute disgust on her face was kind of funny when you considered who we were talking about. It showed that you can be beautiful and apparently blessed with money -I'd noticed they all dressed well and seriously it wasn't subtle- and still have conflict in an otherwise picture perfect family.

"I'm not interested in him," I told her softly. My daisy chain had grown to include ivy and now violets. Beside me, she continued her own sketching but with less focus than she'd devoted to it before.

"You two weren't exactly subtle earlier. Rumors are already flying about when you two will get together." I groaned and slumped in my seat. The blonde looked askance at me as if she couldn't believe I was actually having the reaction I was. Rose bushes were taking over the top margins of my notes now.

"Do you not like him?"

"It has nothing to do with that," My nails tapped against the table again as I tried to get a solid grip on my thoughts. "I don't date. I'm not interested in dating and I have zero desire to be any more of a hot topic than I already am. New kid in the middle of the school year already sucks without adding cheap whore to it."

A vicious animal snarl ripped through the quiet classroom, startling everyone. It stopped almost immediately but we all looked around mystified, even looking out of the open window but there wasn't anything there. Neb shut the window just in case anyway.

"Why?" Neb had turned her back to the whiteboard and was writing down our homework assignment. There was enough time left that we had time to get started on it before we left for the last period of the day.

"Why what?"

The blonde tapped her nails impatiently as if she thought I was being deliberately obtuse. "Why don't you date? Are you involved with someone else?"

"Why do you suddenly care about my romantic life?" It came out a little bitchier than I meant it too but she didn't seem to care.

"Most girls are concerned about being in a relationship if they aren't already in one. I want to understand what makes you different." Which was true but her answer was way to matter of fact for it to be the whole truth. Slouching further in my seat I considered a few answers before settling on the truth.

"I don't need a significant other to be happy or to define my self-worth. There are other important things in life besides romance, and I'd rather take the time I have now to establish myself as a successful and independent woman. Get some job experience under my belt and focus on my education. You know, foundations of a good life or some shit."

If I didn't know any better, I'd think I saw pride in her eyes as she assessed me. Rosalie pursed her lips as she thought about my answer. It was the truth - well, most of it. A big chunk of it. The whole truth…

Three years ago, before the traumatic car accident, I'd acquired a stalker. He'd leave notes professing his undying love for my fourteen-year-old self, escalating when I didn't respond the way he'd wanted. He'd kidnapped me for ten days before I'd been found - I still flinched sometimes when my dad told me he loved me.

I knew that wasn't romance, that it was a sick and twisted individual with an unhealthy fixation on a minor, but I'd been scarred by it all the same. Extensive therapy and medication had helped me be a functioning human being again but some things can't be forgotten. Some stains don't wash away.

"That's a very mature outlook," Rosalie said, the approval apparent in her tone. There was a subtle shift in her body language, leaving her less rigid and the slightest bit open. "Although you are aware that many successful women balance both a career and a family?"

How did she manage to hit _every single nerve_? I curled in on myself slightly, crossing my arms defensively over my chest. My heart thudded with a familiar angry pang and I focused on my breathing again, tapping out each beat on my elbow.

"Yes, I am."

"Don't you want that? A husband and children one day?" _Don't yell, don't scream, don't get upset._

"I did. Children aren't in my future." Her eyes softened in pity. Angry tears pricked my eyes and I blinked them away. The tapping finger on my elbow was more insistent as I struggled against not just anger but the deep sadness that threatened to consume me.

Gentle calm wrapped around me in layers, bringing me slowly back to a quiet place. It felt like a coziest blanket, warm and full of gentle affection. _The arms of a loved one,_ my traitorous heart added. Ruthlessly I stamped that down.

My voice felt a little hoarse as I said, "Don't pity me. Don't do that. I can't have kids because of an accident. I wanted them, but it was either die without the surgery or keep me alive at the cost of… well. I'm alive now. That's what matters." The calm wrapped a little more around me, and I wanted to know where it was coming from because it definitely wasn't mine.

Which didn't make sense because who else could they be? Maybe I'd gotten better at this acceptance/self-soothing thing. Somehow that didn't seem right. For now, I let it go.

Rosalie laid a gentle hand on my shoulder to get my attention. "Not pity," she said. "Sympathy. I understand."

Looking at her, beauty incarnate made of marble and gold with eyes filled with a familiar pain, I believed her. I managed to pull one hand free and patted hers where it laid on my shoulder. She seemed to understand despite my lack of ability to speak.

We finished the class in silence but it was far less awkward than it had been before. Dramatic revelations tended to have that effect I suppose. Physically Rosalie and Lola were as different as night and day but there were some similarities between the two of them that were blatant.

Both radiated the same "girl-boss" vibe that could either be threatening or motivating depending on how you viewed that type of woman. Both were clearly comfortable in their own skin and had no time for people who wasted theirs. They were both fiercely loyal, as Rosalie had just shown me with her defense of a perceived threat to her twin. She might as well as had Slytherin stamped on her forehead.

I repacked my bag in anticipation of the bell, basking a bit in the calm cloud I was buoyed in. Seldom had I felt this completely relaxed and I was determined to soak up every minute of it. I was so distracted that I completely missed my neighbor trying to get my attention.

" _Sloane,"_ she said a little louder. I dropped my bag in surprise.

"Yes, sorry. I completely spaced."

"Obviously," a smile teased the corners of her mouth. "I was going to ask you if you'd like to spend some time together later."

"I'd love that, actually. Here, let me give you my number." I borrowed her pen and scribbled my cell phone number on a scrap piece of paper. She folded it and put it in her bag, then gave me hers. I put it away as well.

"Do you have plans after school?" she asked. The bell rang obnoxiously loud and I cringed at how it's nasally sound grated on my ears.

"I don't think so. I'd have to ask my aunt. Why?"

"My sister Alice and I sometimes like to get out of Forks. There's no decent shopping here and Bella doesn't like to join us. Would you?"

"If Alice doesn't mind, sure. I'd love too. I need to pick up more Forks appropriate gear," I laughed, gesturing to my leggings and skirt. It was fashionable in a quirky way but it wasn't warm enough. If I was lucky I'd find a thrift store or two in Port Angeles.

"There's that horror movie playing tonight too, babe. You promised to go with us this time." Linebacker wandered over to us with Jasper just behind him. He grabbed Rosalie's bag and leaned down to plant a kiss on her temple.

"Makin' friends, Rose?" he said with a friendly wave. I smiled back. You couldn't help but do it- he was just kind of person who just oozed good dude vibes. Even if he looked like he could probably rip Chuck Norris in half. I was no longer surprised that he also smelled amazing; the cold smell seemed sharper with him I suppose because it was complimented by pine, fresh tobacco leaves, ozone and just the lightest touch of vanilla.

"Sloane, this is Emmett, my other half. Don't believe a word he says. Emmett, this is Sloane." Emmett placed a dramatic hand over his heart going so far as to stagger back a few steps.

"Babe. I'm crushed. I thought you loved me." Rosalie reached up and flicked his ear. He turned his attention to me and held out his hand in a fist. Not knowing what else to do I tentatively bumped mine against his, which made him laugh for reasons unknown to me. I smiled back a little unsurely.

"You'll do," he said cryptically. "Jasper, where the fuck are you?" The aforementioned male stepped around Emmett's bulk into my line of sight.

 _Oh, fuck me._

He was tall up close, not quite as tall as Emmett but was easily six foot three. I very seldom felt short but these two men made me feel damn near hobbit sized. _Just call me Bilbo!_ Emmett was built like a fucking brick shit house but Jasper wasn't exactly small himself. He wasn't ridiculously big but he was stockier than I'd assumed, obviously solid while still lean. I didn't think there was any spare fat on either one of them.

Honey blond hair that my fingers were itching to find out if it was as soft as it looked teased me while falling into eyes equally soft - both in color and expression. Like all of his siblings, the skin under his eyes was dark, stark against the paleness of his skin.

He maintained a polite distance, leaning casually against a desk with his hands in his pockets. A beat-up leather messenger bag was propped against his denim-clad leg. Still, I was overwhelmed by how good he smelled. All of the Cullen's smelled amazing but Jasper… He smelled utterly masculine; freshly ground coffee, sandalwood, cedarwood, leather, and wood smoke. There was something _compelling_ about this man in a way I'd never experienced. Everything about him seemed to draw me in - I caught myself when I realized I'd leaned toward him unconsciously like a blossom towards the sun.

"I'd introduce myself but my brother seems to have done that for me," His voice was deep, gentle and warm with a subtle southern accent that I wanted to wrap myself in like a blanket. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Sloane."

God help me, he actually sounded like he meant it. My brain short-circuited as I blinked owlishly at him. I quickly got a grip on myself and nodded, swallowing around the lump in my throat.

"You too, Jasper." His mouth curved into a smile and I was done for.

"If you two are done flirting we gotta clear out before Neb kicks my ass," Emmett said as he pulled Rosalie to his side. The moment was broken but the attraction remained.

"I don't flirt," I said automatically. The cloud that seemed wrapped around me seemed even lighter, giving me a sort of natural (unnatural?) high. "And why would she specifically kick your ass?"

"Because it's too exhausting kicking multiple asses, so might as well go for the bigger target," Neb said from the whiteboard. "He's a big strong boy, he can take it."

Emmett puffed up his chest as if offended. "I'll have you know that I am _all_ man. Right, babe?" The last question was obviously directed at the blonde in his arms. She laid her head on his chest and patted his hand that he was resting on the curve of her hip.

"Man-child maybe." She and Neb both snorted at his indignant, _hey!_

"What do you have next?" Jasper asked me, successfully pulling my attention away from the other three. He picked up his bag and shouldered it so it hung across his body. I had to bite my lip before I said something stupid like _kiss me._

"US History with Rodgers. You?"

"So do I. We could walk over there together if you'd like?"

"That would be fantastic. I've gotten lost even with my face stuck in this stupid map."

Neb shooed us out and we parted ways with Emmett and Rosalie who disappeared for Study Hall. Jasper was quiet as we cut through the parking lot, the snow and ice crunching beneath our boots. I'm not sure why I did it but I tilted my face up towards the sky just in time to see snowflakes.

It was freezing, my toes were numb even in my boots and my coat wasn't warm enough but it all completely worth it to watch the fat flakes descend from the dark sky. I grinned like a little kid even though I had seen snow before, but normally it was after it had fallen. I realized I was standing like an idiot in the middle of the parking lot and looked back at Jasper to apologize but the words died on my lips.

My heart thumped almost painfully in my chest at the raw emotion in his eyes - I couldn't place it and was a little unsure I wanted to know. I knew what I felt - a little nervousness, a little fear, a hell of a lot of awe. This fascination with him couldn't be healthy. I needed boundaries between he and I until I could figure out exactly what the actual fuck was going on with the gray matter between my ears.

"We're going to be late," I said, walking swiftly across the parking lot with my hands in my pockets.

* * *

I got my slip signed and settled into the only free seat in the front row, Jasper in the back right one closest to the window. Mr. Rodgers was an old, old man with more wrinkles than I'd ever seen on anything, the closest being a shar-pei. He spoke very, very slowly and wrote even slower.

This was going to be a very, very, very long year.

"This project will count for seventy percent of your final grade," he announced in a squeaky voice. The class groaned in unison, myself included. _Dear God_ , I wrote in my head, pleading, _I know you and I don't talk or anything but_ _whatever it is I did to deserve this, I'm sorry. You can stop smiting me now. Please?_

He glared at us over the horned rimmed trifocals.

"I have already chosen your partners and topics. When I say your names, move your things so you will share a desk. Michael Newton and Riley Thomas-"

God had clearly abandoned me in my hour of need. _Dear Satan,_ my brain scribbled, _I'm really iffy on the idea of even having an immortal soul but this teacher here looks like he's ready to kick the bucket so I'm willing to make a trade. He's pretty evil to me._

I sunk in my seat completely full of dread. This was a nightmare. A project with assigned partners worth almost three-quarters of my final grade? Fuck.

Almost everyone was partnered up, with only six more names to call. I wasn't sure if I'd be called but braced myself anyway.

"Jasper Hale and Sloane Dawson."

 _Dear Santa, I know you don't really work early in the year, but I'm running out of people to ask, and I'm not asking much - have a little pity on me._

Slowly I picked up my stuff and made my way back toward the lion's den. Which honestly was completely appropriate seeing as how Jasper was lounging in his seat with his legs outstretched like he owned the place and twirling a pen between his fingers. He was looking straight ahead and didn't acknowledge me when I gingerly took a seat next to him.

It occurred to me that I may be overreacting just a little. He'd been nothing but polite and we'd barely had a conversation. His bronze haired brother was a right prick but the other three seemed nice enough once you got past Rosalie's icy wall, and accepted Alice's excitable personality. Emmett was just… Emmett, I supposed.

I needed to chill the fuck out. Yes, Jasper was attractive. Yes, I would probably strip naked and fuck him on the table if he asked me too right now. Yes, I really needed to stop thinking about him naked because it was absolutely going to get me in trouble. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, clenching my thighs together. _Gotta rein that shit in right now, Dawson._

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jasper smirk.

"Hale and Dawson!" Both of us looked at Mr. Rodgers. He was reading off an old clipboard. "The subject of your project to be about the Confederacy in the American Civil War. It will be due three weeks before the end of this school year before test time."

"I hope you know something about it, because I sure as fuck don't," I complained, occupying my hands by shredding a piece of paper. "You think I would since I've had a relative in the military going back as far as the Revolutionary War but of course that's the one family history thing I ignored." Jasper's smirk widened as he pushed his hand through his blonde mane and folded his hands behind his neck.

"A bit," he replied.

"That Cheshire smile implies more than 'a bit.' Are you one of those Civil War buffs or something?"

"Or something." Jasper slanted a sly look towards me, his eyes damn near glinting with mischief.

"Nerd." I flicked a balled up piece of paper at him and scowled when it went wide. He reached over and flicked one back only his hit me square on the nose.

" _Nerd."_ I insisted but he just laughed at me.

* * *

The rest of the class was spent with Mr. Rodgers laying out the exact parameters of our projects, which honestly shouldn't have taken up a whole period but he spoke so slow it did. I was nearly asleep and prayed Jasper had paid attention because I'd zoned out after five minutes of his squeaky toy monologue.

When the bell rang I fell out of my seat in a heap of sleepy confusion. Jasper helped me up after he stopped laughing. I tried to be upset with him on principle but between the fact, I'd have done the exact same thing and that he smelled so good when he'd pulled me up close I couldn't stay mad. It had taken every bit of willpower I possessed to not throw myself at him.

He took my bag and let me go through the door first on our way out. The students flooded out into the parking lot in a mass exodus, all clambering to get the fuck out of dodge and out of the cold. I bounced up on my toes looking for Angela.

Jasper kept a hand on the small of my back as we made our way over to her where she was leaning down to speak to her mom in her car. He hung back a polite distance, still holding my bag hostage, while I ducked my own head to speak to my aunt.

"Hey there, honey! How was your first day?"

"It was great. I wanted to ask if it was alright if I went to Port Angeles? I made some new friends today and they invited me along to go shopping." Stacy was already nodding her head before I'd even finished.

"Angela and Ben are heading up there to see a movie. You two have fun!"

My cousin and I stepped back to give her the space she needed to back out and trundle down the road.

"Who are you going with?" Angela asked, tucking her hair behind her ear. I jerked a thumb over my shoulder at Jasper and was slightly concerned at the shock across her face.

"Rosalie and Alice invited me along. I didn't know you had a boyfriend."

"I don't… yet," she replied with a shy smile. A tall rail-thin boy with glasses came over to us looking rather excited. I hugged her quickly and let her go.

"Alice wasn't feeling well, so she went home with Edward and Bella. It'll just be you and Rosalie today." Jasper said when I made my way back to his side. His hand settled against the small of my back again but I couldn't find it in me to protest. It was an innocent enough gesture.

"She was looking a bit tired when I met her. I hope she feels better. Bed rest and warm fluids are my cure-alls."

"Alice isn't the bed rest type," he said with a wry smile. "But I'm sure she'd agree with you on the warm fluids."

"Warm fluids?" Emmett's voice boomed from across the parking lot, pulling a few stares. "The fun kind or the weird kind?"

"There's a fun kind?" I asked. Some part of me was morbidly curious about what would fall out his mouth. From the wicked smirk on his face, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be disappointed.

"Of course there is," he said with all the authority of a scholar. A rather lecherous scholar. "In my experience restraints, being outside or even just vibrati-"

" _Emmett."_ Jasper snapped. Big-Dude as I was beginning to think of him, shut his mouth with a snap but that didn't stop the wicked look on his face. He slid into the driver's seat of the red convertible, the top already pulled up.

"Those two can get a bit handsy in the car," Jasper said quietly in my ear so as to not be overheard. "You can ride with me if you'd like."

"And do you get handsy?" I nearly slapped my hand over my mouth. It fell out before I could catch it. My cheeks were probably glowing from how much I was suddenly blushing.

He chuckled, a dark and low sound full of promises I was dying to accept.

"Only if you ask, darlin' and not a moment before."

* * *

 **A/N: Next time: it's a date (literally). Looks like our heroine is getting suspicious. I wonder why? Anyway, time for me to some explaining of my personal headcanons you've already seen.**

 **Scent: SMeyer says that vampires all smell attractive but it makes zero sense to me that they would all smell the , all vampires are attractive but not everyone is attracted to the same things. If you're going to use something as powerful as scent to lure in prey, why not have it tailored to lure in prey who will find you completely irresistible? I think there's an undercurrent of vampire smell (cold) and other scents that sort of layer on top that relate to the vampire in what they found appealing as a human and/or that were familiar/related to where they grew up. As a vampire, these scents became concentrated, resulting in the best form to attract prey.**

 **Looks: I've pulled from both the Wiki and books for their appearances and heights and let me tell you, my guy, 6'5 is fuckin' tall. Holy shit. I promised to stick to canon as much as possible bu t. I've taken some liberties with Jasper because while he's described as lean, I just can't totally see him being lean like a swimmer. He was a soldier and in my HC his family owned a ranch, hence the muscle he packed on pre-army. Also, he'd look hot as fuck.**

 **Would it be more immersive for you if I tweaked this to be set in 2015/2017 or would you prefer I keep it at the Canon 2005? I ask because while writing in that setting is fun, I was also the tender age of nine years old then. My grasp of what was cool then was very limited to my sheltered elementary school years. I'm flexible either way. Yes, it's my story, but still, I want y'all to enjoy it as much as I do.**

 **Characters: What do you think of Rose? I really dig her and think she was robbed as a character. I hope the scene with her was realistic because the only way you get through that ice queen mask so quickly is something she can sympathize with. They aren't besties, but she's trying to be friendly. And Edward? Why could he possibly be so upset with Sloane?**


	4. I'll Keep You Safe

**A/N: Dedicated to the fantabulous SweetestSarcasm!**

 _ **We can't control the filters that others use when they look at us.**_

 _ **Rachel Wolchin**_

 _JPOV_

* * *

I normally don't like to talk while I'm driving just because I use that time to think and decompress. Granted I normally take my bike out for that, but the habit carries over to whatever I'm driving. Like Edward, my gift isn't something that can be shut off, so sometimes just going off by myself to clear my head helps keep me sane. Most of the time the radio is off as a result, but Sloane had other ideas.

"Do you mind?" She asked as she scrolled through her phone and opened her music app to show me what she wanted.

"Go right ahead." She quickly connected her phone to the radio adjusted the volume and pressed play. Violins and electronica softly flowed out of the speakers. The playlist she'd set up was all over the place as if she listened to a little bit of everything, and every song that came on she sang at least a line of. She settled back into her seat and my gift showed me how content she was.

The cab was warm, the rain pelted the windows and with her scent surrounding me, mingling with mine I knew all was right in the world.

I parked next to Rose's car and slid out quicker than Sloane since I'd completely forgone the seatbelt to try and make it to her door. She looked a little sheepish when helped her down; those boots of hers had nearly gotten her killed when she'd climbed in. As it was she still managed to trip on her laces and fell right against my chest.

"Thanks," she whispered, embarrassed. I couldn't resist brushing her hair out of her face before releasing her, my fingertips lingering where they brushed her jaw. She smelled so good and felt so _right_ pressed against me. I heard her breath catch and then the moment ended as she stepped back. I put an additional pace between us as she knelt down to fix her boot. My hand clenched into a fist in order to restrain myself from pulling her back again once she stood up again.

Vampire or not, I was only a man with so much willpower. As we made our way across the street to where my siblings waited my hand gravitated once more to the small of her back. It hovered there for a moment to give her a chance to pull away, but she didn't. It felt good to have by my side, both my monster and I quieted by the innocent touch.

"About time you made it here," Emmett said from where he was hugging Rose from behind. They were standing in the shade of an awning of an Italian restaurant. My sister rolled her eyes and pulled away from him to place a kiss on his lips, then turned to Sloane.

"There's not much here," she said with a shrug. "But it never hurts to look."

"If there's a thrift store then I'm completely fine," Sloane replied easily, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. My fingers twitched to pull her back, already I missed how warm she was. Emmett looked over their heads to shoot me an evil smirk like the bastard he was. The two went off down the street leaving he and I to take off toward the electronics store that just opened up to get him a drone. I made a note to send one to Peter.

The girls had met us outside the movie theatre a little over an hour later. Their emotions were light with relaxed happiness and I was a little surprised that Rose was smiling. It was a small thing but compared to her normally composed mask, this was a much more pleasant alternative. She'd immediately tucked herself under Emmett's arm as we stood in line to wait.

"What are we seeing?" Sloane asked. Her hair was frizzing slightly but she didn't seem to care. Habitually I scanned the area and made she keep her between my siblings and myself, with me half a step behind her. Old habits die hard. Especially ones that kept me alive in multiple war zones.

"Interview with a Vampire," Emmett said with relish. Rosalie groaned and half-heartedly smacked his chest, while I glared at him over Sloane's head.

"I love that movie!" She said excitedly. "Vampires are my favorite monster, next to werewolves."

"Are they now?" My brother grinned, flashing all of his venom coated teeth. "What do you like about them?"

"What's not to like? Immortality, super strength, supernatural powers, fangs." She pulled a face. "Although the eating people part is a bit of a downer."

"What if vampires don't have fangs?" As soon as I got him alone his ass was grass. I looked at Rosalie for help but her attention was on Sloane, apparently very interested in how this was going.

"Of course they have fangs. They wouldn't the vampires without it." She looked so offended that even I almost cracked a smile. He laughed, which made Sloane put her hands on her hips looking at him like he was a moron. Which he was.

"Then tell me, O Vampire Expert: What do _you_ think a vampire is like?" Sloane

"Well, besides the no fangs, they sparkle in the sunlight and are venomous," My brother said authoritatively. My sister moved to place herself between he and me when I started forward to make him be quiet.

"You're growling. _Shut. Up."_ Her voice was at low enough register to not be heard by human ears.

"Have you both lost your minds?" I hissed, looking around to see if anyone else had heard us. It was mostly deserted save a few younger couples nearby but they were mostly absorbed in each other.

"What are you smoking and where can I get it?" Sloane asked incredulously. "Vampires don't _sparkle._ They're vicious killers who make teenage girl's hormones explode."

"That's what you think," he replied, smugly. She actually looked upset by this. It would have been amusing to watch if I wasn't so hung up on Emmett being the biggest idiot on the planet.

"Next you're going to tell me they don't drink human blood."

He shrugged and said, "Some don't. Some prefer a vegetarian diet of animal blood. Those that do have golden eyes instead of red."

" _Vegetarian vampires?_ You're shitting me." Disbelief was thick in her tone but still, she looked hard at his eyes, nearly the exact same shade of mine and Rose.

"I shit you not." He said, laying a solemn hand on his heart.

"Bullshit. What proof do you have of this? Seriously, cite me some sources." She went as far as to pull her phone out, Google at the ready. Rose shot her hand out to clamp down hard on my arm. Emmett beckoned her forward and she leaned in expectantly with wide eyes. He was quiet for the span of five heartbeats.

"I am the proof," he said. Beside me, Rose froze, apparently finally realizing just how far her idiot mate was going to go. She and I both looked at him and Sloane, holding our breath and muscles coiled in anticipation.

She stared hard at Emmett before collapsing into giggles, bracing herself against me so she didn't fall over. "You really had me going there," she gasped out, wiping away tears. I let out a relieved sigh along with Rose. She hadn't panicked, wasn't afraid. Everything was fine.

 _So why did it hurt so much?_

* * *

Sloane had protested when I'd bought her ticket but was somewhat appeased when I said she could get it next time. Not that I'd let her but she didn't need to know that. Inside, the theatre was dated, the walls covered in old paneling that was black with age and the ugly orange and blue carpet was threadbare in some places. It smelled like popcorn and mothballs.

"We've got a few minutes before it starts and I spy with my little eye a pinball machine," Sloane said, and sure enough there was one tucked in the corner by the concession stand. "Anyone want to play before we go?"

"You and Rose go, I need to talk to Emmett about something." Her eyes glanced between the two of us and I sensed her worry.

"Alright," she said and pulled Rosalie along with her. I waited until she was out of earshot before rounding on my brother.

"What the fuck was that?" I demanded. He wasn't even paying attention to me, instead watching Rose with serious eyes. His arms were crossed over his chest as he soaked up the sight and sound of his completely relaxed mate.

There were some people who didn't understand why the two of them were together since they seemed polar opposites but they complemented each other nicely. She was the calm for his storm and he her strength when the bad days were too much. If it wasn't obvious how much they truly adored each other (they got married once a decade or so) then one just had to sit back and _watch._ My own eyes had fixed on Sloane as she swapped places with Rose, who stepped behind her to help pull her hair out of her way in a neat braid.

"I did you a favor." My eyes snapped back to my brother.

"A favor? How is possibly terrifying her away doing me a favor?"

"She didn't run screaming, did she?" I crossed my own arms in response, my feet automatically spreading shoulder width apart. Old habits.

"She didn't think you were serious," I scoffed. "What the fuck made you think that was a good idea?" From across the room, I heard Rose laugh at something Sloane said. Emmett pointed over at the two of them.

"Because of _that._ Jasper, she's happy. She's laughing just from being around her for less than a day. You can't fuck this up, for both yours and Rose's sake."

"You think I don't know that?" I scrubbed at my head with both hands, frustrated. "You heard her today, she doesn't date. I have to take this slow, but even then it's not a guarantee." I felt his emotions narrow down to one: determination.

Emmett shifted to a more offensive stance, everything about his posture threatening. My hackles went up- I'm not one to be cowed but it's wise to be wary of a vampire the size of a truck. On a normal day, I would say that Emmett would be the last person to seriously want to cause me harm but all bets were off when mates were involved. I didn't hold it against him; I would do the same thing and I wouldn't expect anything less.

"If you let her slip away I'm going to kill you," He said deadly serious. "Rosalie needs her and so do you." It was unnerving seeing him like this since he was normally a loud and easy going guy. At the end of the day, however, he was a mated vampire and he'd do whatever he needed to in order to keep his girl safe and happy.

"I've no plans to let that happen," I told him honestly, my head automatically turning at the sound of Rose laughing somewhere to my left. My sister was always beautiful even when playing the role of ice-queen. But when she smiled she became something else. Not the polite smiles we practiced for human company, but the real and raw joyful smiles that were all teeth and laughter. She hadn't smiled like that in a very long time.

Yet here she was, in a tiny town in the Olympic Peninsula playing pinball in an old movie theatre with a human girl, doing just that.

I sighed heavily, rubbing the back of my neck. My brother was worried- for his mate, for me, for Sloane. This had the potential to be something amazing and already it was so fragile. I had to take this slow and play it right. I didn't need the time, but she did and that was fine. I could wait.

My problem wasn't time- it was species.

Vampires may look human but we decidedly _aren't_. We're designed to be attractive to our prey to lure them in but there is a reason so many vampires are nomads. That reason is that we're a completely different species with a different mind and way of looking at things. My monster recognized Sloane as our mate but that didn't mean love. As a vampire male, I was compelled to keep my mate safe and provide for her. It was instinct, no more no less.

I didn't love Sloane - we'd literally just met today. That didn't mean I wasn't capable of loving her but I wasn't foolish enough to mistake instinct with emotion. Love is a choice, a commitment between two people who wanted to make it work.

But I knew I could. Already she had me and my monster at her mercy. Even if she rejected me I'd stay by her side whether she knew it or not to keep her safe. She could choose someone else. She could choose no one at all - it all fell back to choice.

And I also had a choice. I could choose to let her go, to resist the bond between us. I could choose to go my own way. I had the choice whether or not to follow my instincts. For a brief second, I considered the idea of leaving her behind. Instantly my stomach almost felt like it was trying to rebel, my monster roaring in outrage.

Forcing my eyes back to where they stood I took in the sight of her; the flashing lights flickered strangely across her face making her already pale skin seem even paler and the bags under her eyes darker. Almost as if she could feel my eyes on her she looked up at me and for a split second the lights flashed brightly making her eyes look golden.

Then she smiled and I knew then that not only did I want to love her, I wanted her to love me too.

* * *

She hadn't been kidding about loving the movie; she and Emmett had quoted their way through it much to the displeasure of the rest of the audience. They were ridiculous in their antics, throwing popcorn at each other and making fun of the actors. Then the screen went black an hour in and the audience groaned in unison as the lights came on.

"Sorry folks, the tape was damaged and we don't have a spare. We apologize for the inconvenience." We were ushered out with everyone else and made our way outside. The sun was already down as was usual this time of year, but the temperature had plummeted. Beside me, Sloane shivered, her coat nowhere near warm enough. I shrugged out of my own and put it around her.

"No, I'll be fine," she insisted around chattering teeth. Fixing her with a stare that allowed no argument I zipped it up and pulled her close, my arm around her shoulders.

"We'll share," I said.

After making sure she'd be warm enough the four of us walked around, sticking to the well-lit tourist areas. Rose and Sloane talked amicably, Emmett adding a comment of his own occasionally. I was happy to listen to them and relaxed in the swirl of contentment that seemed to encase the four of us in a peaceful bubble. Alice had been absolutely right in that I'd never forget today.

But as all things do it had to end. We parted ways in the parking lot and once again I helped Sloane into the cab. Inside I turned the ignition and blasted the heater while waiting for the windshield to defrost. In the meantime, she shrugged out of my coat and put in the backseat along with hers, then toed off her boots to prop her feet on the dash. I was amused to see her socks didn't match; one blue with purple octopi and the other green with red stripes.

Once she was settled she turned to look at me with an expression I couldn't decipher.

"Is there something on my face?" Her eyes were soft and hooded in the low light as she considered me. She looked thoughtful and the slightest bit concerned.

"I'm trying to picture you with red eyes," she said quietly. White-hot rage at Emmett for planting that idea in her head surged in my chest before I stamped it down. Taking care to stay relaxed I maneuvered us out onto the road for the drive back.

"Still thinking about vampires?" I asked lightly. She nodded and propped her chin on her fist, leaning her elbow on her knee.

"I went to the zoo as a kid once," she said. "My mom took me because I was so excited to go see the new tiger exhibit. I remember I grabbed her hand and dragged her through the crowds so I could get right up front against the glass.

"For a while, we didn't see anything since we were on the wrong side of where they were, and then this huge male comes around. He came right up to me and put his paw on the glass right where my hands were. Little me was so convinced that he knew I was happy to see him because he looked me right in the eye with his big yellow ones and headbutted the glass." I stayed quiet as she talked with my eyes on the road.

"Your eyes remind me of his a little. I like it." Well damn. I wasn't expecting that. Still, a masculine sort of pride swelled up in my chest; everyone likes hearing they're attractive to the person they like, even vampires designed to be that way.

"Although," she said, then paused as she considered me. "You're more of a lion than a tiger, I think."

"It's the hair isn't it," I joked. She smiled crookedly and nodded.

"It absolutely is. A blond mane." Silence fell between the two of us and she busied herself with the radio, flipping on a different playlist; this one slower and deeper than the one before.

 _I'd give anything to hear  
You say it one more time,  
That the universe was made  
Just to be seen by my eyes._

We'd just turned on the highway that cut through Forks when she spoke again.

"Hey, Jasper?" I looked over at her to see she'd slumped down even further in the seat, feet still propped on the dash as she twirled with a piece of her hair. The street lights flicked orange over her face and made her hair light up in flashes of fire.

"Yes?"

"I don't think you'd look good with red eyes." I huffed a laugh through my nose. She had no idea how right she was. Still, she surprised me when she reached over and took my hand in hers. I was so stunned and marveling at how warm her skin was against mine I almost missed her say my name.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?"

"Don't change, okay? Promise?" Gently I squeezed her hand, swiping my thumb up and down her knuckles as I pulled into the driveway of her house. She didn't let go even when she put her boots on one handed and it was when she stopped before she opened the door that I realized she was waiting for me to answer her.

"I promise." And by God, did I mean it with everything I had in me.

* * *

I parked the truck in its spot in the garage and walked inside the house, the windows softly glowing from the light within. We didn't have to hide who we were here and since we didn't sleep the lights were almost always on.

Emmett and Rose had made it back before me and were in the living room, with her on the couch reading a book and him on the floor between her legs playing video games. I waved at them as I made my way to the kitchen where I could hear Esme.

Alice was there sitting on the counter, swinging her legs as she chattered about her newest project. She stopped when I walked into her line of sight. My legs carried me over to her and I picked her up in a hug and spun her around. I knew I was projecting my gift but I was too happy to care.

"Thank you," I said before releasing her. She patted me on the shoulder and resumed her seat. Beside me, Esme looked between us curiously, wiping her hands on a dishcloth.

"What has got you in such a good mood?" She asked. Her kind face was lit up in a joyful smile as she pulled me into a hug of her own. She froze when she smelled my jacket and I realized it still smelled like Sloane. Esme pulled back and took my face in her hands to look me in eye worriedly.

"I found my mate today." That was all I got out before her eyes widened and with a squeal, she threw herself at me to wrap me in the tightest hug I'd ever received from her. Upstairs I heard Carlisle make his way across the hall to come investigate what had Esme so excited.

"When? Who is she? Where? When are we meeting her?" She rapid-fired once I gently disentangled myself from her. Carlisle stepped in and leaned against the counter curiously.

"Today, her name is Sloane, at school, no idea," I said, answering each of her questions. It infuriated her when we did that and she didn't disappoint in puffing up slightly in preparation of demanding better explanations.

"Your mate is human?" Carlisle asked, looking pointedly at the jacket I still wore. It would fade quickly, but for now, her scent was strong enough to relax both me and my monster. I refused to do what Edward did and stalk her in her room to soak up her scent, so I would have to be patient until I saw her next.

"Yes she is, and it's far too dangerous for him to be near her." _Speak of the devil and he shall appear._

Edward glared at me from where stood just behind Carlisle. My calm vanished and I slid back into the Major fully prepared to take him on if he wanted to be so foolish as to challenge me. He didn't back down despite me threat display but that may have been because Carlisle was between us.

"Has he done something to warrant this opinion?" The older male addressed Edward but didn't remove his eyes from me. Carlisle Cullen was a good, kind man who enjoyed his calling as a doctor but he was also as much a vampire as me. Pacifist morals or not, he was fully prepared to defend his coven from any danger be it exposure, and our kind- even from within our ranks. I struggled the most with the lifestyle we followed but it was generally understood that it was to be expected. Carlisle was the only one who truly knew what my 'adolescence' had been like. Edward thought he did since he could see my thoughts, but he truly had no idea the depths of my depravity and sins.

I was grateful to Alice for finding me to lead us to his coven and I was just as grateful that he'd accepted me, even after having heard who I'd been and what I'd done. He encouraged me when I struggled and was the first one to talk to me when I slipped. He was my friend and my confidant even he'd seen me at my worst. I didn't want to let him down. Like Emmett earlier, I understood his reasons for being cautious. In his place, I'd be the same.

"He attacked me in school today," Edward grumbled. Carlisle's eyes narrowed but I met his stare with one just as even. I had nothing to apologize for.

"Is this true?"

"I reminded him why it was a bad idea to interfere with another male's mate. If you want to consider it an attack, then be my guest."

"You grabbed me by the neck!"

"And I shook you like the newborn you were acting like. Next?"

"Emmett, Rosalie? Were you there?" I heard the TV be paused before the appeared in the kitchen to my left. He looked at the two of them expectantly.

"Jasper didn't do anything wrong," Rose snapped, glaring daggers at Edward. The loathing she felt for him was almost choking, and the feeling was mutual. When they'd met he'd been an absolute ass, calling her vain and self-centered. She confided in me that to keep him out she keep up a train of thoughts like that until he learned to not go digging where he wasn't wanted.

"You'll say anything if it makes me look bad," he snapped back with black eyes. Emmett looped his arm around her waist to keep her from lunging at him. Esme reached her arm across her front as another restraint.

"Emmett?" Carlisle turned his attention from me to him. Rose was struggling in his arms but he held firm.

"Edward was out of line," he said, the aforementioned vampire snarling from where he stood. "He accused Jasper of being a threat to his mate, as well as a liability to this family." All eyes swung to Edward who stood stiffly under the scrutiny.

"Edward," Esme admonished, shaking her head. She hated it when we fought and I felt a twinge of guilt for causing her distress.

"We've discussed this, Edward," Carlisle said in a clipped voice. "Your opinion has been noted but it is not your decision who comes or goes into this family."

"Then whose is it?"

We'd all heard the stories of Carlisle and his time among the Volturi but it'd been difficult to reconcile the gentle man we knew with the fact that he'd lived with some of the most ruthless vampires alive. It hadn't truly sunk in that he had until this very second as he stood in the kitchen staring down Edward the same way I had many a disobedient newborn under my command.

" _Mine."_

Vampires were hard to kill but it could be done. Cut off the head, tear off the limbs, light the whole mess on fire. Newborns were the strongest but they relied on instinct and brute strength. It left them wild and stupid- the two things that were guaranteed to get you killed in our world. The old vampires were the ones who were the most dangerous- they were smart enough to learn from their mistakes.

Carlisle was neither young nor stupid, and he'd been alive a very long time.

Edward submitted quickly. _Smart boy._ Carlisle swept his eyes over his coven as was his habit, and everyone drifted off to different parts of the house. Esme touched his arm before she went upstairs, leaving Carlisle and me where we stood.

The warning in his eyes was very clear but it gave way to his usual compassion. The message was delivered and the moment was over.

"So," he said as we both relaxed. "What is your plan for your mate?"

"Sloane," I corrected and made my way to the table we seldom used. I took a seat, and he took one across from me, sitting comfortably with his chin propped on his clasped hands. I leaned forward on my elbow, my other hand busy drawing random designs against the table top.

"Sloane," he acknowledged with a brief incline of his head.

I told him what had happened earlier this evening, leaving out the conversation she and I had in the truck. Carlisle listened with his usual patience, nodding at the right places and didn't interrupt as I filled in the blanks of this morning.

"Yes, that sounds similar to what I felt when I found Esme," he said with a rueful smile. His eyes looked up towards the ceiling where we could hear her pacing back and forth.

"I'm not sure what to do," I admitted. It had bothered me all day, even more so after I'd heard her and Rose talking in Physics. If I never felt the miserable cyclone of emotion she'd projected it would be too soon.

"What you're doing so far is wise," he said. "Sloane sounds like a sensible girl with a good head on her shoulders. The only thing I would suggest is perhaps acclimating her to the rest of us. You mentioned you two are partners in a school project?" I nodded in assent. "Perhaps spend time here while you work on it. It will allow her to get to know us and vice versa."

"I don't know how to tell her about us, about me. Emmett told her the truth and she didn't believe him."

"To be fair, we don't exactly live up to the legends and lore." I leaned back in my chair and scrubbed my hands through my hair. Give me a hundred newborns and I'll have them whipped into shape in a week. Drop my mate in front of me and I was completely clueless.

Carlisle's eyes were kind as he reached across the table to lay his hand on mine. The gesture was appreciated but it didn't help.

"Be patient," he said. "You'll know when the time is right."

"And if it goes wrong? What then?"

"You are not my son in either blood or venom, but I have had the privilege of watching you overcome your demons to become the man you are today. I have complete faith in your ability to show your mate that you are a man of honor and good character with a strong moral code."

He left me at the table with that and I sat there for the rest of the night mulling over his words until it was time for me to hunt and go to school.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm sorry it's shorter than the last monster chapter, but it felt like a good stopping point. From here on out time is going to speed up just a bit but I promise they are going to be longer chapters.**

 **I'm not a dude, so writing from a guy's perspective is... interesting. How did I do? It ended up being more introspective than I thought.**

 **The song quoted is from "Saturn" by Sleeping at Last.**

 **Until next time!**


	5. The Truth Shall Set You Free

**A/N: It's been brought to my attention that the timeline for this is a little unclear. The book is Twilight and I've set it a bit over a month, almost two, after Bella's first day (which I've assumed to be around mid/late September because it's been a minute since I've read the series). Unsurprisingly, I was wrong. So instead of Bella starting school on January 18th, she started September 18th, but it's the early days for Bella and Edward's relationship (and they got together rather quickly). Just assume they've been dating officially about a month and she's in the know on the Vamp Thing. This story started November 4th of 2015, Jasper and Sloane met the 5th. This works well because I want to stretch this out anyway, but from now on I'll follow the canon timeline starting with James in March. You know, except in 2015-2017.**

 **My brain has demanded I take Sloane and Jasper all the way through Breaking Dawn - y'all better strap yourselves in for this rewrite. Each book will have it's own story, so consider this "Twilight" and following stories covering each book. I've already plotted out each story so, I hope y'all enjoy. Both my fingers and laptop are protesting and we've only just begun. To everyone I can't respond too, y'all are great. Onward!**

 _They say "follow your heart"_  
 _but if your heart is in a million pieces, which piece do you follow?_

 _Sloane POV_

* * *

After Jasper dropped me off I managed to sit down to dinner with the family before dragging myself up to bed, completely exhausted. I was so tired that it wasn't a fight to get a full night of beautiful, dreamless sleep.

When I woke up the next day, Saturday, I busied myself with settling in with my family. Isaac and Joshua, my younger twin cousins were identical right down to their dimples (which they shamelessly deployed to get out of trouble) and had a mischievous streak worthy of the Weasley twins. They were sweet boys and I genuinely liked them; even after I stepped on one of their Legos in my bare feet.

Archie appreciated art like me and helped me turn a corner of the garage into a place where I could paint. He pulled his old easel out of storage, laid down a tarp so all I needed was my own supplies. I was overwhelmed by the kind gesture and could only hug him, too choked up to say thank you. Sandra helped me find a part time job waitressing after I told her I was concerned about not contributing anything to the household. At first, she was scandalized, but once she calmed down she was adamant I not pay my way.

"If there's something extra you want then use your money for that. You're family, honey, and you don't need to pay rent." I conceded as gracefully as I could but was still uncomfortable with it.

I'd waitressed part-time before back in New York at a diner, so the slower pace of The Lodge would be a piece of cake. The owner, a lumberjack looking older man named Travis with the biggest beard I'd ever seen, offered me the job on the grounds that I didn't let my grades slip. Upon making my promise I was provided a piece of the best berry cobbler I'd ever had and told to start Tuesday.

All in all, Saturday was a good day. After church on Sunday (that I was excused from) Sandra and I were going to go pick up my truck that my dad had bought before I arrived. I was a poor sleeper but I took two of the cold pills that always knocked me out a good eight hours a little while after dinner and set about my evening routine. Angela was doing her homework downstairs so I had the room to myself. I had just flopped onto my bed and stared up at the ceiling just trying to take in the last few days when my phone went off with a _ping!_

Flopping my hand out blindly, I patted around until I felt it and pulled it from the charger. Unlocking it revealed a text from an unknown number.

 _(360) 428-xxxx 10:24pm_

 _Hello, Sloane, this is Jasper. I hope you don't mind that Rose gave me your number._

Somehow I wasn't surprised that he texted in full sentences complete with proper grammar and punctuation. Boy, was he going to hate me. With a quick swipe of my finger, I added his number as a contact before typing out my reply.

 _-10:27pm_

 _nah its all good. what can i do for u?_

\- _Jasper H. 10:28pm_

 _I wanted to know when you would like to start our project for Rodgers. I have several books on the Civil War if you'd like to study at my home._

 _Assuming you would be comfortable with that, I mean._

His response was immediate. Was he nervous? That was… oddly comforting. My thumbs hovered over my keyboard as I thought about how I wanted to respond. Looks aside, Jasper was a nice guy and I genuinely liked being around him. His siblings were equally likable (besides bouffant boy) but still I hesitated.

Something had been off in Port Angeles. That shady vibe I'd felt before at school spiked while we were in line to get our tickets. I'd tried to play it cool by joking around with Emmett but even he was oddly intense. It seemed to fade away while they showed me around, but the ride back had been strangely super-charged with _something._ I'd made him promise me not to change, but looking back now I have no idea why I made him do so.

Still, he'd been sincere in promising and I had the odd suspicion that there was something more to that conversation we'd had; something he knew and I didn't.

I'd decided to play it casually, which was a lot easier over text than it was in person. Dating Jasper Hale wasn't in my plans but being friendly wasn't going to be a problem.

 _-10:30pm_

 _sure np. i work tue/wed/thur/fri after school so anytime mon/sat/sun im free._

 _ur place sounds fine. just lemme know whats good for u_

 _-Jasper H. 10:33pm_

 _Monday after school would work for me. I'll meet you outside the front office._

 _-10:34_

 _cool beans. see u monday ;)_

* * *

 _I am not nervous,_ I thought as I drove to school on Monday. Zombie Angela sat next to me in my new truck, her hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. The cab was warm with the diesel engine rumbling pleasantly and the day had started with only a misty rain. It was shaping up to be a good day. _I am not nervous._

I was a damn liar.

My new ride was a 1972 Chevy Blazer K5 4x4, with a faded army green paint job, safari rack, and Baja lights. It had a lift kit but wasn't so tall as for me to struggle to get into it, and it looked cool. My tires had snow chains which lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. From the second I'd laid eyes on it I was completely in love with my tank of steel.

I ended up parking next to Bella and carefully made my way across the parking lot to avoid eating asphalt (again.) Having learned my lesson on Friday about dressing warmly, I'd swapped my leggings for black skinny jeans, a snug fitting long sleeved gray t-shirt with an unbuttoned red and black flannel over it, topped with my new heavy green coat. My signature boots were on my feet with my sneakers packed in the bottom of my bag.

It was too cold to hang around outside so Angela and I joined the mob of students who elected to wait inside the cafeteria before class. We shuffled in, a loud mass of yawning and tired students with some carrying their own cups of caffeine to fight their urge to just lay down and nap.

Angela spotted Ben and with a gentle half hug to me, she went off to go see him, leaving me to sip on my steaming mug of tea against the wall. My brain was still struggling to come to life even though I'd been up a full hour before Angela so that I could go for a run and put my face on. The heavy smoky eye and fake lashes were once again a little much for Forks but I felt a little more confident with my warpaint.

I heard Emmett before I saw him, his big booming laugh echoing throughout the packed room. He easily stood a full head over everybody so it was impossible to not see him and Rosalie who he'd wrapped his arm around her as usual. The mess of students parted to give them room to pass through. That was another thing that was odd; all the adults I'd spoken to had nothing but good things to say about the Cullen's, but the younger crowd went out of their way to avoid them. The rigid dichotomy was suspicious, to say the least.

The two were followed by the tiny Alice who seemed lost in her own world as she walked with all the grace of a dancer. Two steps behind her were Edward and Bella. The Cullen's were dressed to the nines in clothes I'd bet right left boot most high-schoolers wouldn't choose for themselves. Bella, in contrast, looked a little out of place with them in her practical blue jeans and caramel turtleneck. She looked comfortable and happy with her cheeks rosy from the chill and snowflakes melting in her gently waving brown hair.

Jasper was nowhere to be seen.

Mike sidled up to me effectively drawing my attention from the Cullen clan. The spikes in his hair were melting from the snow, and he looked cute with his big smile and sparkling blue eyes. I could see the appeal even if he wasn't exactly my type.

"Hey, new girl," he said, bright eyed and bushy tailed. Ugh, he was one of those cryptid morning people. "What are you doing over here by yourself?"

"Struggling," I said deadpan, holding up my cup for emphasis. He laughed, shoving his hands in his pockets and looked down at me with truly astonishing baby blues. Up close I saw that they had more violet than I'd originally thought.

"You're one of the night owl types, aren't you?" My makeup had been painstakingly applied to make me give me the illusion of being less dead, but honestly, everything else about me screamed tired.

"More like some form of an eternally exhausted pigeon."

"I would be too if I was running full tilt at five in the morning." I blinked confusedly at him and he flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, um, saw you this morning while I was running, but you had your headphones in. That's what I came over to talk to you about, actually."

"I'm sorry, I completely didn't see you," I said truthfully. "I get so into it that I just-" I trailed off with a one shouldered shrug. Mike nodded, shifting his weight a little nervously.

"No, no, I understand. I was just wondering if you'd like to go together? There's plenty of trails around that provide more of a challenge than wet pavement." I groaned, loudly, as he laughed at me. Heads turned to look at us but I was too mortified to care.

"You saw me wipe out in front of the grocery store didn't you." Mike nodded, snickering. I shoved his shoulder with mine playfully but he still grinned like an idiot.

"Asshole." This morning I'd been so in my zone that I'd gotten careless in being alert for black ice. My leg throbbed even after painkillers but the damage was mostly superficial.

"How's your leg?" he asked, once he got a handle on himself. I stretched it out for him to show I was fine.

"Just a big scrape. The bruise is going to be spectacular, but it could have been a lot worse."

"That's good. So, what do you think? I live on the same street as you so we could start together if you want."

"Yeah, absolutely. Just don't expect me to talk too much." He smiled brightly complete with an adorable set of dimples.

"No problem, Sloane. Tomorrow morning, five?" I nodded, just in time for the bell to ring. I grabbed my bag and drained my cup so I could start the walk to class but Mike grabbed my elbow with a gentle hand. I turned around to see him rubbing the back of his neck while shifting awkwardly on his feet.

"Are you, uh, busy this weekend? A bunch of us are going to First Beach on Saturday for a bonfire before it gets too cold." I remembered Jessica mentioned it on Friday but I hadn't followed up with her on it.

"I might be busy in the morning, but if it's in the evening I'll be free."

"Great! We're carpooling in Tyler's van, so we'll pick you up around seven." He left with a jaunty wave and I wandered off to my own class.

* * *

Thank God waterproof makeup was a thing because Bella was a literal walking disaster.

Coach Clapp decided that it'd be fun to do a unit on dodgeball, of all things. Like a good soldier, I placed myself in Bella's orbit to be her human shield. For a few minutes, it was going pretty good; I blocked, dodged and threw with the best of them, all the while managing to keep Bella out of the crossfire so she didn't hurt anyone else (herself was a lost cause).

Then Tyler got the brilliant idea to start aiming for me to see just how much I could handle. _Bastard._

My team and I worked up a real sweat, with them focusing on offense while I about killed myself in keeping Bella safe. Clapp refused to let her sit out despite her clumsiness (really it was legendary) so that left us to keep her from hurting us.

 _I'm so glad Sensei David was such a slave driver,_ I thought a little desperately as I ducked to avoid two balls being hurled at my head. They bounced harmlessly against the wall to be picked up by two of my teammates and subsequently hurled back.

Coach blew his whistle to give us a water break. Bella stuck close to me while we each grabbed a bottle of water and I braced my hands on my knees to catch my breath. My glasses were with my stuff in my locker so I couldn't tell how much longer there was before our hour was up. Bella must have seen me look at the clock anyway because she said, "We've still got another thirty minutes."

I groaned, loudly. Coach's watery eyes landed on me from where he stood talking with Tyler and snapped out, "Dawson, three laps!"

My body was humming with the thrill of exertion so the three laps weren't _bad,_ but my leg throbbed from the abuse it had taken this morning, as well as from the old injury. When finished I slammed my bottle of water just in time for the sadistic asshole to start us up again.

Ben took pity on me and placed himself near me to help fend off Tyler and his friends. We were losing but all I cared about was making it through this fucking period without getting hurt. It was successful for the most part until Lauren decided to get nasty.

I stepped in front of Bella when Lauren aimed a ball right at her head and was able to block it with the one in my hand that I nailed in the ribs with. She glared at me as she stalked over to time out but the victory was short-lived. Somehow Bella managed to trip over her own feet as she was coming around me. She flung her arms out in an attempt to balance herself but her elbow met my nose with enough force to knock me off balance. I landed hard on my tailbone, feeling a bit dazed.

Coach blew his whistle to call a timeout before making his way over to me.

Hot blood flooded out my nose, dripping off my chin to stain my shirt. I heard Lauren's nasal laughter as Bella apologized profusely somewhere to my right. Multiple sweaty hands helped me stand up and I pinched the soft part of my nose shut while keeping my head tilted slightly down. It wasn't my first nosebleed (you don't spend twelve years doing martial arts and not get injured somehow) but it didn't make it any more pleasant.

"Did you hear anything crack or crunch?" Coach asked gruffly. With my free hand, I gave him a thumbs down. He sighed as if he were put out and looked at the surrounding students before pointing a thick finger at one of them.

"Crowley, take her to the nurse, then come right back. Make sure she doesn't hurt herself anymore." Tyler put my arm across his shoulders and his hand on my waist to steady me as we made our way out the door. The nurse was all the way on the other side of the school in the front office, and judging by how quickly I was getting woozy, I wasn't going to make it.

We were a sorry sight, with him half-dragging me along while I struggled to see without my glasses. "Wait," I said thickly, and slowly eased down onto the ground into the snow. Blood was still leaking out my nose, and when I licked my lips it was all I could taste.

"Sloane, we can't stay here. Come on, get up." Tyler tugged me back to my feet and I staggered. "Shit, are you going to pass out?" Thumbs down turned into a 'so-so' gesture. Tyler swore again, half dragging me at a faster clip.

"Sloane?" I heard from behind us. Two sets of footsteps came over quickly and I groaned again, this time in mortification, still pinching my nose shut.

"What happened?" Rosalie asked my crutch coldly. Gentle hands tilted my chin left and right to check my nose. The cold air felt good, but the fingers touching me was colder and felt amazing.

"Just an accident in Gym. It's not broken, she just needs to go to the nurse," Tyler said defensively, holding onto me a little tighter.

"Then why isn't she there?"

"We were working on it- hey!" I found myself lifted up in unfamiliar arms but my eyes were too blurry to make anything out. My fingers stayed pinching my nose.

"We'll take it from here." She sounded a little terrifying with her steely tone. My head was tucked under a chilly chin as I was carried, their gait smooth so I wasn't jostled. I was sure it was Emmett who'd picked me up but was too dizzy to care.

The creaking sound clued me into a door being opened and I heard Mrs. Cope gasp loudly. We probably made a sight with my bleeding everywhere and Emmett looking like a giant. Another creaking door was opened and I was set down on a lumpy cot that crinkled from the paper on top of it.

"Do you know what happened?" I opened my eyes to see a grandmotherly woman in pink scrubs decorated with a cartoony rabbit print coming over with a wad of paper towels. I took them gratefully wincing slightly at how rough they felt against my skin.

"Playing meat shield for Swan in Gym." My voice was still thick. Beside me, Emmett laughed while Rose looked stony faced.

"Oh my," the nurse said. "Accidents follow that girl around like a bad penny."

Emmett snickered but it was completely true.

"Here, sweetie, look up at me.". Blood still flowed, but the nurse checked to see if it was broken before letting me apply pressure again.

"It's going to bruise and swell, but it doesn't look broken. Would you like to be excused for the day so you can go to the doctor?" Thumbs down.

She looked dubious but I pulled my hand away to speak. "I'll be fine. Just need a minute. And maybe some ice."

She shook her head muttering about stubbornness before disappearing, only to return with a mild painkiller and a glass of water to set beside me.

"If you change your mind sweetie, just let the front desk know. It won't be a problem." Thumbs up and she left.

Mrs. Cope turned her attention to my visitors. "You two can head on back to class now. Thank you for bringing her."

"We're supposed to stay with her," Rosalie said with complete authority, as she moved to sit on my other side. Mrs. Cope looked like she wanted to argue but instead retreated to her office, leaving the three of us in the tiny cupboard of a nurses station.

"Meat shield for Bella?" Emmett snorted. I smiled weakly, wiping away what I could before giving up. My shirt was ruined but ultimately replaceable. Beside me, Rose sat as still as marble looking rather angry.

"For my sake as much as hers," I swallowed the pill and the water, "She's a danger magnet. Tyler thought it'd be cool to see how good my reflexes were."

"Obviously not very good if you got pegged in the face," he rumbled. Rosalie crossed her legs as she glared a hole into the wall across from us. He reached behind me to rub her back but she shrugged it off.

"Cheap shot from Lauren. I blocked it but Bella's elbow came out of left field." I balled up my trash and threw it towards the waste bin, mentally fist-pumping when it landed right in.

"That sounds like our Bella," he agreed sagely. Rosalie's hands balled into fists in her lap and she pursed her lips. _She really doesn't like Miss Swan._

"You're looking a little better, but I can take you home if you want," she said instead. I was touched by her concern but declined.

"Angela can't drive and I'm her ride home."

"You sure? We carpooled, so if you want, I'll drive your cousin home in your truck and ride back with Rose."

"Thanks but no thanks. It's seriously appreciated but I'm not going to let some hunk of bouncy plastic take me out. I got a tough girl reputation to maintain," I joked and cracked my knuckles for emphasis.

"Stay here with Emmett then, I'll get your clothes," Rose said and walked briskly out the door.

We were silent for a minute until I broke it. "Your girlfriend is actual boss bitch goals. I'm kind of jealous."

The giant beside me bent over double laughing.

"She'd appreciate the compliment," he said between guffaws. Not knowing what else to say, I shrugged. The room was basically a shoe box with ugly faded wallpaper so it didn't take long to find a mirror. It was cracked and slightly dingy with age, but for what I needed it was fine.

My nose was already swelling and looked as tender as it felt. There was the initial light redness of bruising that would darken horribly tomorrow, but the rest of me looked okay. Again, I thanked whatever deity there was that waterproof makeup was a thing because even through blood and sweat it held up without a smudge,

Rose reappeared in a swirl of pastels, handing me both my clothes and bag. I stepped into the even tinier bathroom to dress, taking my time so I didn't accidentally start bleeding again. My nose was too tender for my glasses, so I stored them in their seldom used case in my bag. Mrs. Cope was kind enough to trash my ruined shirt and told me she'd make sure I could pick up a new one at the end of the day.

* * *

My self-appointed escorts followed me as we went to Neb's classroom. Jasper wasn't there, much to my disappointment, but at least Rose was nice enough to help me with the problems on the board. While Neb was bantering with Emmett _again_ , (I swear one day she was going to snap and actually kill him) I pulled out my phone to text Jasper.

- _1:13pm_

 _playin hooky w/o me? im hurt._

He didn't respond immediately as usual, but I didn't mind. _Probably busy._ A couple minutes later my phone buzzed in my lap. Rose rolled her eyes knowingly at me but otherwise didn't comment.

\- _Jasper H. 1:24pm_

 _It's healthy every now and then._

 _-1:25pm_

 _where r u?_

 _\- Jasper H. 1:26pm_

 _I stayed home._

 _Come on over after school. We can get started on our project._

That infuriating man. The temptation was strong but I just wasn't sure. Sneaking a look at Neb, I pulled up Angela's number only to see she'd already texted me an hour ago.

- _1:28pm_

 _ok but gotta drop ang off first. send me ur address?_

 _-Jasper H. 1:29pm_

 _Why don't I pick you up at your house around 4? I'll bring you home._

 _-1:30pm_

 _np. c u later_

* * *

 _(JPOV)_

Alice had seen that Sloane would get hurt as I returned from hunting and counseled me against going to school anyway. At first, I'd argued against it, especially after Edward's comment about how much blood there was in her vision. Esme had calmed me down slightly by suggesting Rose and Emmett make sure to take care of her as soon as they could. They would have done it anyway but hearing it out loud helped.

I'd paced my room for hours. Having hunted this morning I had no reason to go again to give myself a reprieve from worrying. My monster howled in his cage, enraged at my inaction. Distracting myself didn't work - I tried three books, the Dragon Age game Emmett was obsessing over, even going so far as to find some of my old books for the project Sloane and I were going to work on. My thoughts inevitably drifted back to Sloane.

Her text was a welcome surprise. I didn't think she'd notice my absence today but I was pleased she had. It had taken me a few minutes to decide what I wanted to say, but the conversation ended with us making plans for her to come work on our project. The rest of the family arrived just as I was grabbing my keys to head out.

Rose honked when I passed by her and Esme's cars, acknowledging them with a wave. The winter sun was already beginning its descent but it was still bright enough that I had to watch my speeding. Getting a ticket wasn't a problem but I didn't want to be late. I stopped by the only grocery store in Forks to pick up a couple boxes of trail mix, granola bars, and nuts to keep in the backseat. The errand didn't take as long as I thought it would, thanks to the overly-friendly cashier.

As it was, I was fifteen minutes early. Parking in the street, I walked up the porch to knock on the door. Inside I could hear children yelling as they ran around, a dog barking and what sounded like pots and pans rattling. A boy about seven years old opened the door.

"I'm here to pick up, Sloane. Is she ready?" The boy blinked up at me curiously, then whipped his head around to shout for his mother. My ears rung slightly but I didn't have time to focus on it as a blonde woman with a kindly face came out of what I assumed was the kitchen. There was flour in her hair and streaked across her nose as she wiped her hands on a bright orange dishcloth.

"Joshua Gabriel, what have I said about yelling in the house?" Love seemed to be wrapped around her like a cloud. She sent him on his way before turning her attention to me.

"I'm sorry about that, honey. You know how little boys are," she said with an indulgent smile. I inclined my head in agreement. She held the door wider and stepped aside. "Come on in out of the wet. What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to pick up Sloane," I said, as she beckoned me to follow her down the hall. "We're partners for a project on the Civil War in history and since my father has some books at home on the subject, I thought we'd study there." A little white lie to smooth the way never hurt anyone.

She led me to the kitchen and had me take a seat at the table. The walls were painted a warm brown with white cabinets. The refrigerator was covered in children's artwork and bits of paper with notes scrawled on them, held up by souvenir magnets. The table was clean but scuffed and scratched just like the walls were.

"I see," she said, looking me up and down. I'd dressed a little more casually in my jeans and boots, pairing them with my prop-parka and Motley Crue concert t-shirt. It looked vintage but I'd bought it new back in '86. She turned to pull something that smelled like tomatoes and cheese from the oven. "Are you thirsty?"

"No, ma'am."

"Oh, don't call me ma'am, honey. It makes me feel old. Stacy will do just fine." A loud _thunk_ followed by a feminine yelp and a child crying came from upstairs. Stacy and I both looked at the ceiling with concern but only I could hear Sloane hushing the boy with gentle words. The crying quickly was replaced by sniffles and I tracked the boy as he ran downstairs.

"Isaac threw my truck at my head," Joshua said, running to his mother. She pulled him into a warm hug and checked his head where I could see a bruise beginning to form. Another boy came in hot on his brother's heels. He was just as identical as his brother but I was easily able to discern the distinct scents each had.

"Tattle-tale!" Isaac yelled.

"Inside voices, gentlemen!" I hid a smile as both boys ducked their heads at the admonishment. Stacy sent them out into the living room with orders to behave. She then took a seat across from me with a tired smile and a cup of coffee in her hands.

"Sorry about that. You're one of Doctor Cullen's kids?"

"Yes ma'am," She mock glared at me over the rim of her cup. "Stacy. My name is Jasper Hale. Rosalie is my sister."

Another loud thud came from the ceiling followed by Sloane swearing. Who knew she knew that many ways to use the word 'fuck' in a single sentence?

"I see. Will your parents be home tonight?"

"Yes, as will the rest of my siblings. We really don't go out much."

She laughed a warm and throaty sound. "Was Friday the exception then?"

"Possibly," I hedged. As if a switch were flipped Stacy's mood suddenly turned serious. She regarded me with knowing eyes from her chair, her spoon clinking against the porcelain as she stirred the dark liquid in her cup.

"Her momma was so worried about her comin' out here by herself. Her daddy too, but he's one of those stoic strong types." She rolled her eyes very obvious in her opinion of that. "Sloane hasn't been the same since that mess three years ago. Not that I blame her. What she went through…" Stacy blew out a heavy breath.

My monster was listening just as attentively as myself.

"I shouldn't be gossipin' like this, honey, but she really seems to like her. And if I'm not mistaken the feeling is mutual."

"It is. I'd like to get to know her better." As a rule, I preferred honesty when I could. I flicked my eyes to the clock over the stove to see there was still ten minutes before Sloane would be ready.

"Well then, I won't go into details, but I figure you'd want to know in case somethin' happens. Her anxiety attacks get pretty bad, honey, but her momma tells me she's doing better." She stood up to top off her mug before taking her seat once more.

"When Sloane was fourteen, they'd gotten a new neighbor in their apartment building. He seemed like a quiet man. Her momma said he was average looking, went to church every Sunday, had a nine to five job. Richard was his name. They didn't talk unless it was in the hallway or the elevator - you know, neighborly small talk.

"He developed a fixation on Sloane. Left her presents on the doormat, notes in her pocket. She went to her daddy of course, and he did everything he could. Changed the locks, phone numbers, everything he could think of. Now keep in mind they didn't know it was him just yet so they had no reason to move.

"Then he began leaving her dead animals and graphic letters full of horrible things. He'd figured out how to get into her room and one night after she went to bed he abducted her. She was missin' for ten days, but had managed to escape from wherever he was keepin' her and made her way to a police station."

Rage. It ignited the venom in my veins and I could feel it beginning to pool in my mouth in preparation to defend my mate. My monster roared and raged, leaving me to struggle to rein in my gift. I couldn't stop my fist clenching tightly where it rested on the table.

"She escaped Richard but then he went and abducted her younger brother Liam to lure her back."

"I didn't know she had a brother."

"Sloane stole her daddy's gun and went after him. Richard had them in the car and was on his way to leavin' the state when Sloane reached over and yanked the wheel so they crashed into the wall. Liam died on impact. Poor thing was only twelve."

"What happened to Richard?" She looked sadly down at the table, her emotional state indicating distress. I pushed out a gentle dose of calm so that she could continue.

"He escaped. They never caught him."

 _He's a threat! Destroy it! Rip, drain, burn, eliminate the danger!_ I wholeheartedly agreed with my monster but once again had to rein in my true feelings. I drew an unnecessary breath in as I considered everything Stacy had told me. After Sloane was dropped off tonight I had some phone calls to make and research to do. Three years or not, this wasn't something I could let stand.

"I told you this, honey, because when she came home on Friday she was smilin' like she used to. You two have just met but I have a good feelin' about the both of you." Stacy said as she reached over to pat my hand.

"Thank you. I would never have imagined… Tragic past or not, Sloane is worth it." I said, struggling to find the words. Her eyes crinkled as she smiled at me, the moment over. Someone was coming down the stairs, but I was distracted by Stacy laughing.

"I swear, between her daddy and mommy it's not possible for her to be late." The glowing green numbers switched to four o'clock just as Sloane turned the corner into the kitchen. She didn't seem to notice me as she made a beeline for the pantry and came back with a granola bar in her hand, a pair of socks in the other. Both promptly dropped onto the floor once she realized I was present.

She looked as casual as me in scale patterned teal leggings, black skirt and a tank top that left her shoulders and arms bare. Her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail and I could see the makeup she'd applied to try and hide some of the bruising that was beginning to darken around her nose.

It didn't crooked or broken but I wasn't a doctor. Carlisle would likely want to check once we got home. It must have hurt because she wasn't wearing her glasses, but my sensitive eyes were able to see she'd put in contacts.

Her hand reached up to cover her left shoulder, which clued me into the heavy scarring there. The lines were almost geometric as they crawled down her shoulder to her arm, and across her collar bone. They looked familiar but the memory was a hazy one from my human life.

"I got struck by lightning when I was fifteen. You're early," she said in a rush to change the subject.

"Yeah, sorry. I had to pick up something and it didn't take as long as I thought it would. If you need time I can wait."

"Nah, I'm ready. Just need to get my boots on." She leaned against the wall to tug on her socks (one pink with penguins and the other black with pumpkins) and went back out to presumably to grab her boots. I stood to follow her but paused to speak to Stacy, my voice pitched for her ears only.

"I appreciate you telling me everything. Sloane is…" Shaking my head at a momentary loss for words. How does someone sum up the concept of a mate to someone who'll never understand? "She's worth it."

"And that's why I told you, honey."

We both walked back to the foyer where Sloane was tugging on her coat. I shouldered her back and we both said our goodbyes before leaving.

"Home by ten, honey! It's a school night!" Stacy called from the porch. Sloane gave her a thumbs up out the window before rolling it back up.

* * *

Watching Sloane's face when the house came into view was priceless. Granted, it was a bit of a dramatic picture with the sweeping branches of the cedar trees and the acre of land it sat on. Esme had been thrilled to restore the three story house to its former glory.

"Wow."

"You like it?"

"I'm speechless." I couldn't resist tugging her ponytail. She leaned forward in her seat, staring open mouthed at it while I pushed the garage door opener clipped to the visor. When it was open, I slid into my spot between my bike and my Vanquish. To say I was surprised she knew what it was beyond that it was a fast car was an understatement.

"That's a 2016 Vanquish."

"Really? I hadn't noticed." She slapped her hand against my chest but didn't look away from the car as she walked around it.

"You have a James Bond car in your garage. Holy shit, batman."

"Do you need me to pinch you?" She stuck her tongue at me but managed to pull herself together enough for us to walk into the house. Inside, I could hear Esme worriedly talking to Carlisle about making a good impression. A quick dose of calm her way helped a little.

With a hand on the small of her back, I guided my mate to the living room. Her emotions were relaxed, on the lighter side even, as she looked around with interest. Where her home was crowded and cozy, mine was its direct opposite. Emmett and I had way too much fun demolishing the original rooms to make it as open as it was now. The light was dimmer now but human eyes could easily see the view of the river through the windows that covered the entirety of the southern wall of the house. Everything was done in various shades of white from the carpets, to the walls, all contrasting with light wooden floors. Each of our rooms was decorated to our personal taste but in the rest of the house, Esme had the final say.

Carlisle and Esme were standing beside Edward's piano when we came around the corner, waiting to greet us. Everyone else seemed to stay out of the way to allow the three of them some semblance of privacy. Sloane's nerves spiked when she looked at them. I blanketed the room in a light calm to ease everyone's nerves all around.

"Carlisle, Esme," I said breaking the silence. "This is Sloane Dawson."

"You're very welcome, Miss Dawson." Carlisle looked at me before turning his attention back to Sloane, too fast for human eyes to pick up. At my nod, he approached with carefully measured steps to shake her hand.

"Sloane is fine. It's nice to meet you, Dr. Cullen."

"Then I must insist you call me Carlisle." She beamed at him and I felt relieved.

Esme stepped forward as well to take Sloane's hand between the two of hers.

"It's very nice to know you," she said sincerely.

"Thanks. It's lovely to meet you, too. Your home is gorgeous by the way." The pleasure that radiated off both of them was genuine and I was so glad they liked her.

"Thank you. We're so glad you came." She looked over to address me.

"I moved what you'd laid out back up into your room, Jasper. Emmett came through with tools and I was worried they be damaged." _Sneaky._ From upstairs I heard Emmett mutter about being a scapegoat, followed by what sounded like his mate smacking him upside the head.

"No problem. Follow me." I led her up the stairs to the second floor, down the hallway to the second set of stairs and through the door at the top. My room was the only one on the third floor aside from the small storage room on the other side. It was technically the attic but once Esme had done her architect magic it had been converted to a comfortable living space.

Like downstairs, it was open as was my preference. The southern wall was all glass but the similarities ended there. The wood floors and multiple bookshelves were a dark walnut, and the ceilings weren't as high as the ones below. I'd painted the other three walls a steely blue-gray. It wasn't a huge room by any means, but I had enough space for a leather couch by the window, a heavy antique desk Esme had found from somewhere and a bed shoved in the corner. Vampires didn't sleep but sometimes it was a good place to relax.

It was ridiculous, but I hoped she liked it. I leaned with one shoulder against the wall as she wandered around my space. She'd raised an eyebrow at the confederate flag I had hung between of the bookshelves but otherwise didn't comment as she continued her perusal. She lingered longest looking at the art on the walls. Some charcoal sketches and paintings of cities and landscapes mostly. There were some framed newspapers - one I picked up outside the diner I'd met Alice, another declaring the end of World War II, others marking the days of significant events.

She paused to look closer at the one framed photograph I had. It was old and grainy, the sepia color not as clear as the cameras of this day and age. Back in the 19th century getting your picture taken was an expensive indulgence. During the Civil War, it was even more so. There was only one picture of me from my human life, and I'd had it taken the day I'd been promoted to Major. I'd sent it home to my parents along with what pay I'd received.

Sloane looked conflicted, but ultimately pulled herself away from the photo to look around the room again and crossed over to the desk. The books I'd pulled from my shelves were sitting where Esme left them, along with something else I hadn't pulled out.

"Where in the world did you get a Colt Dragoon Revolver?" She gasped, picking it up with reverent hands. Her fingers brushed wonderingly over nicked wooden handle and the dull metal.

"Family heirloom. First cars and now guns? Do you have anything else you want to tell me?"

"I was serious when I said I had relatives my family traced back to the Revolutionary War. On my dad's side, at least one child goes into the military, if not all of them." She handled it with complete confidence, gripping the handle firmly and when she raised her arm as if to take aim, her body was relaxed and poised.

"What is it, four pounds?"

"Four and a half," I corrected.

She nodded, turning the gun this way and that. "Not too heavy but was probably carried in a saddle holster." She quirked a brow at me and I nodded at her correct assessment.

"It's loaded if you want to go out back and shoot it." I offered. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree, but with last admiring look, she shook her head.

"Maybe next time. Now, we have work to do." She returned the gun to me, handle first I noticed, and I put it back in its case. We settled on the couch with the books are our school bags, while she pulled out her laptop. It was an older model and every inch of the lid was covered in stickers. I set up my MacBook next to hers and we got to work.

* * *

We were deep in discussion about the first battle of Galveston when a soft knock came from my closed door. Both of us had given up the pretense of taking notes and instead had turned to face each other on the couch. Her legs were crossed with her elbows propped on her knees, giving me a rather clear view of her cleavage when she leaned forward. Not that I was complaining.

"Come in," I said. Alice poked her head through.

"Esme wants to know if Sloane would like something to eat. You've been up here for five hours without a break." A glance at the watch on my wrist showed it was a quarter past nine. Sloane looked just as surprised as I was, but then again the two of us were completely engaged in our conversation.

"I'm fine, but thank you," my mate said, lifting up the half-eaten granola bar on her notebook. Alice nodded, then winked at me before shutting the door behind her.

"I didn't realize it was so late." Sloane was looking towards the window. It was too dark for her eyes to see out of, especially with the glare of the lights reflecting the rest of the room on the glass. She carefully rubbed the corners of her eyes, taking care to not touch her nose.

"Neither did I. It's been fun," I said honestly. "The rest of the family aren't as into history as I am, so it's nice to talk to someone who's eyes don't glaze over when I go off on a tangent about military history."

"If my mom and dad didn't have military backgrounds, I likely would have no idea about any of this." She waved her hand at the books on the floor.

"You mentioned your dad was in the Navy, but not your mom. I thought she was a lawyer."

"She is," Sloane said as she readjusted herself to be more comfortable. "She graduated high school two years early and went immediately went to college to get her bachelor's degree in political science. After that, she enlisted in the Marines and went to their Officer Candidate School. Then she went to law school. She retired last year but continues to practice law as a civilian."

"That's impressive."

"Mhm. Between her and my dad who just became Rear Admiral, it's a lot to live up too."

Today had been a day of revelations and they all explained so much about my mate. She was obviously intimidated by her parent's success but based on the conversation she and Rose had she'd decided to use it as a framework for her own goals of success.

"I'm sure you can do it," I told her honestly. She snorted, picking at her cuticles. Worried that she'd start bleeding, I reached over and gripped her wrist loosely. Stress lined her face and when she looked at me with her green eyes I was overcome with the urge to hide her away from it all.

I resisted.

"You're just as capable of success as they are. If anything, you have a better chance having watched them all your life. You know what to do as well as what not to do."

"You sound like you actually believe that."

"I do." My life wasn't the smoothest and most of it was violent. For a long time, I hadn't known how to hope. But right now, sitting with her in my room with her hand in mine, I felt it. Thanks to my gift she did too.

* * *

We fell into a routine, she and I. Her days off we studied together except when she made plans with her human friends. As much as I wanted her with me I refused to interfere with her relationships outside my family. For the most part, she and my family got along very well, save Edward. He'd been unpleasant to her from day one and made no effort to curb his rudeness to her in front of everyone.

Sloane had no problems slinging back just as many barbs as he did. Although she did censor her language in front of Esme and Carlisle, she wasn't fooling the rest of us. Edward had gotten progressively worse the closer she became with Bella, but my mate refused to let me interfere in her battles.

Somehow in the two months I'd had her in my life she'd become one of the best friends I'd ever had, right along with Peter and Charlotte. They were eager to meet her, just as eager as I was for her to meet them. But, I waited because Sloane didn't know what we were yet.

I kept trying to find the right time, but I was afraid she'd be frightened off. I knew I had to tell her - I just didn't know when.

It was Wednesday in January and I was waiting for Sloane in our usual spot. Alice and Bella were sitting on the tailgate, while Rose and Emmett had snuck off. Edward had stayed home on account of needing to hunt, which was fine with me. It was overcast, the clouds dark and heavy with rain. The day should have seemed fine, but something was off. Mainly because of the guilt that rolled thickly off Bella.

My ears heard her truck as it rumbled into view. She pulled in to let Angela out next to Ben, with the driver's side facing me. Standing up a little straighter, I tried to catch her eye through her window. Something was wrong. The smile on my face faltered when she turned to face me.

She looked me in the eye and her fear hit me like a punch. Her face was pale and blotchy as if she'd been crying. She wasn't wearing any of her usual makeup which made her bloodshot eyes even more prominent. Her grip on the steering wheel was so tight her knuckles were white.

Behind me, Bella gasped and it all fell into place.

Sloane guided her truck out of the parking lot and back the way she'd come, leaving me behind with my unbeating heart shattering into thousands of pieces

Bella told her.

Slowly, I turned to face Bella who stared back at me, her face streaked with tears. She clutched at Alice's arm that my sister had extended over her to shield her from me.

I turned on my heel and walked in the woods surrounding the school, my hands shoved in my pockets. Emmett and Rose called my name but I ignored them. It didn't matter. Nothing fucking mattered.

Sloane, my mate, the girl I'd somehow fallen completely in love with knew my secret and she'd run from me.

That was the last rational thought I had for a while.

* * *

 **A/N Part 2** : (https colon forward slash forward slash) (open dot spotify) (dot com) (forward slash) user/ ohsnapits-caitlyn /playlist /5q2kWlUOh0Gb9LSOPHw0mf

 **Remove the spaces and replace the words with the symbols to to reveal the soundtrack for the story! (This link thing is getting way out of hand)**


	6. To go forward, we must go back

**A/N: Liz your reviews are so thoughtful and it's making me moody I can't reply to them. I'd love to respond directly (but can't!), so here's my shameless attempt at an incentive: this ones for you!**

 _ **She wasn't sad anymore, she was numb,**_

 _ **And numb she knew, was somehow worse.**_

 _Atticus_

* * *

 ** _December_**

The Cullens weren't at school today. Not unusual since it was a rare, wonderful sunny day in the middle of December and they'd taken advantage of the break in the gray monotony to go camping as a family. The separation didn't bother me since I'd fully intended to spend the day with Mike and Angela, but Bella seemed she was going to sink into the social recluse mode. Activating the Mom Friend aspect of my personality I stuck by her side so she didn't feel alone.

It wasn't surprising that she was feeling the way she was. The brunette hadn't bothered to foster any sort of relationships outside of the Cullens; Edward hadn't encouraged it either. He preferred Bella in his line of sight and with as little interaction with me as possible.

He hated me, and the feeling was mutual. I had zero problems plunking myself down beside Bella during lunch and striking up a conversation while she was otherwise occupied with him. If I didn't do it then I didn't get to talk to her at all. She actually was a nice girl, if a little awkward and undersocialized. Her taste in books could use some work - seriously, who read _Wuthering Heights_ for fun, anyway? My love for monsters spread to all kinds except for the ultimate one: humans. That damn novel was rife with every sort of malicious and depraved facets a personality could have and regarded as a romance. I'm not about that life.

It took a little coaxing but she was opening up to me much to Edward's dismay, and every time she clammed back up I knew it was because he'd expressed his dislike of me. Not too long ago when Bella and I were alone at our now usual table I'd confronted her about it. She'd tried to ignore me at first, but I'm unashamed to acknowledge my stubbornness. 'Know thyself' and all that jazz.

"What gives, Swan?" I asked, unpacking my Rick and Morty lunch box. Bella stared at the cardboard disguised as pizza on her tray complete with congealing cheese. The cafeteria was loud around us but it wasn't so loud that she couldn't have heard me.

"Everything's fine," she said, cracking open her pink lemonade. Her brown eyes stayed carefully averted from mine. I ducked my head to catch them but she turned to stare straight ahead at a crack on the wall across from us.

"You're as bad a liar as I am." Her lips twitched despite her obvious attempt at suppressing them. I took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich prepared to wait her out. The table jostled a little as she bounced her leg up and down a little nervously. She broke after two minutes.

"I'm just missing Edward," she said with a heavy sigh. She propped her elbow on the table with her fist under chin. Her long dark hair fell into her face but she made no move to fix it. Taking a swig from my green tea I assessed her. She was always pale but now it seemed unhealthy like she was coming down with a sickness. Her coat was still zipped up despite the nearly sweltering room and her fingers were trembling.

"I can see that," I said. "They'll be back in a couple of days, you know."

"Yeah, I know. It's just weird. I'm so used to him being around all the time that when he's not here it feels wrong. What about you?"

"What about me?" I asked as I pulled the plastic off my cup of peaches. The sweetness was nearly cloying when I took a bite.

"Don't you miss Jasper?"

"Not really." Bella looked at me oddly as if she couldn't believe I'd say such a thing.

"Aren't you two together?"

It was my turn to look at her strangely. "Why would you think that?"

"You spend a lot of time together," she said simply. "It's obvious he adores you and you seem to enjoy his company."

"Then by that logic, Mike and I should be dating." She dunked her soggy excuse of a French fry in her ketchup, looking across the room where the rest of my friends sat. It was possible I was imagining it but she looked a little wistful.

"No, it's different," she shook her head. "You don't act the same when you're around either one."

"Bullshit," I said, then took a bite of my cookie. Stacy and the twins had gone on a bit of a manic baking spree for their school bake sale, resulting in a flour war and the best cookies I'd ever had the pleasure of stuffing in my face. Bella declined when I offered her one. I shrugged; more for me then.

"It's true," she told me. "With Mike, it's very obvious you two are friendly but you're not _close._ "

"And you think Jasper and I are?" She shifted in her seat. " _Why?_ "

It was impossible to ignore the fact that he was attractive because he absolutely was. He looked good, he smelled good, hell, he even sounded good. I'd never considered myself as the type who had a thing for accents but when Jasper Hale opened up his mouth to speak with that quiet southern drawl I basically melted into a puddle of goo. And yet.

After we'd spent most of the evening at his house to work on the project, the two of us made a point to spend time together. We were never alone after that first day but that was alright with me. Jasper was a quiet guy, a bit of a nerd, and had such a dry, sarcastic gallows humor that sent me in stitches. Combined with those impossibly good looks and southern gentleman manners it should have been a no-brainer on whether or not to try and make a move. I'd thought about it but backed off. This wasn't something I wanted to rush and I certainly didn't want to be the new girl who hopped into a relationship (or bed) as soon as possible. So, the only option left was to take it slow.

"Because he's the only one you allow to touch you."

"That's not true. People touch me all the time." She rolled her eyes and shoved her mostly untouched lunch to the side. I pushed it back in front of her with a pointed look, and she reluctantly took a bit of her disgusting looking pizza.

"I mean besides accidental stuff. You realize when you're walking together he always has a hand on your back? What about that time he kept you from lunging at Lauren?"

"She tried to cut my fucking hair! That's some elementary school bullshit."

"Maybe, but he was the only one who could calm you down."

It happened the one time I'd ducked out of Rodger's class before Jasper. My back had been turned since I was walking to my truck so I didn't see her come up behind me - the rough yank on my hair wasn't so easy to miss. Mike and Tyler, bless them, managed to intervene before someone got hurt from the scissors she was brandishing. Once they were confiscated I'd lunged. Mike tried to grab me but I shook him off, only to be stopped by Jasper, who had appeared seemingly out of thin air to firmly hold me against his chest with both of my wrists held in one of his hands until she was escorted to the front office.

I frowned at her. "Why are you so invested in Hale and I getting together? We're friends. Easy peasy lemon squeezy."

Bella looked like she wanted to argue but the final bell rang in all its nasal glory signaling for us to scoot. Popping a grape in my mouth and tossing my trash, she followed me to Gym.

* * *

Saturday rolled around and with it came Mike riding shotgun in Tyler's clunker of a van. Angela had to sit in the backseat on account of her being so tall with Ben and Eric. The middle bench was occupied by Lauren, Bella, and Jessica but with a little maneuvering (and a lot of cussing) room was made for me to be shoved against the door with Bella in my lap. She and I shared an uncomfortable smile but it was only for a little while. We had to be careful of stray elbows, but it wasn't too awful. I'd been in subway cars more crowded. It was even fun when we rolled into La Push hollering the lyrics to "Mr. Brightside" with the windows rolled down to let in chilly salt scented air.

Mike had insisted I bring a wetsuit, so with my first paycheck in hand, I went down to the store his family owned and bought one, along with the weather appropriate booties and gloves. Normally I wouldn't have but he seemed so eager that it was impossible to tell him no. My choices had been purple, black or whale shark skin print. It looked too cool to walk away from even if it would only get one use, so I bought the third one. I was wearing it underneath my uninspired jeans, t-shirt and jacket ensemble. To be honest I felt a little naked without my usual makeup and overall put togetherness but it wasn't practical for a bonfire.

We fell out of the overstuffed van and worked together to set up all our stuff once the perfect spot was found. Jessica immediately latched onto the radio and was busy connecting her phone to it, while Bella and Angela wandered off to talk. It was nice to see the normally reclusive brunette reaching out for her other friends again. Baby steps.

The boys came over carrying surfboards and I finally realized why Mike wanted me to get a wetsuit. He stripped off his clothes leaving him in his own, and looked at me with his big blue eyes, grinning boyishly.

"Well, Dawson? You ready?"

"For what?" I asked cautiously, eyeing the board in his hands uneasily.

"Your first surf lesson. Duh," he laughed and reached to grab my hand. "It's easier than it looks, come on."

"Mike, this really isn't a good idea," I said as I pulled my wrist from his grip and stood closer to the safety of the blanket. He cocked his head obviously confused.

"You've got good balance and I promise it's not as rough today as it normally is. Just a few minutes. Please?"

I ran my hands through my hair and blew out a breath, looking up at the sky for patience. This was going to be embarrassing. "I can't swim," I mumbled. He furrowed his brow and came closer.

"Sorry, you need to speak up. If you're scared it's okay-"

"I can't swim," I said louder. Jessica smothered a laugh to late, and the silence following my statement was just awful. Embarrassed tears pricked my eyes but I played them off as wiping sand out of them.

"Oh, man. I'm sorry, Sloane. I didn't know," Mike said kindly. He set down his board to put his arm around me in a friendly half hug.

"It's fine," I replied a little stiffly. "Not something I advertise. It's embarrassing, I know."

He was shaking his head before I finished speaking. "Nah, not really. There are lots of people who don't know how. But if you'd like to learn, I wouldn't mind teaching you. No pressure though."

The water was slate gray and looked freezing, but the hopeful spark in my new friend's eyes was worth the indignity that was sure to follow this attempt. I nodded slowly, and the grin that graced his face was absolutely worth it. Or so I hoped.

He pulled me out to the water's edge once we'd donned the boots and gloves, easing in nice and slow. The waves weren't too rough but I wasn't too comfortable going out very far.

"So, uh, the only way I know how to do this is how I was taught," my companion said with a cough. He rubbed the back of his neck as if he were the embarrassed one now. That wasn't going to fly with me, he'd already gotten me out here. My hands perched on my hips and I fixed him with my very best stare.

"And?" Amazingly, he got even redder. He struggled for words for a moment before finally just grabbing my hand and tugging me into deeper water. My anxiety rose as the water went past my thighs and then my waist until he stopped us with it just under my chest. Mike was a little taller than me so it wasn't quite so deep for him.

"Alright," he said briskly, and went to move my arms to his liking, but lost his nerve. "I only know how to do this the way I was taught, so that means I need to touch you."

"And?" I raised my eyebrows from emphasis. It was almost comical how he seemed so flustered at how blasé I was.

"I just wanted to let you know, just in case you weren't comfortable with that. We're friends but we haven't known each other long, and I don't want to cross any lines-" I silenced him with my hand.

"Newton, you're teaching me to swim," I said slowly. "I highly doubt you're the type to cop a feel, but you need to relax. I'm supposed to be the nervous one here, and if we both are then we might as well sacrifice ourselves to the Kraken now."

"Kraken?" he laughed. "We're in Washington. There aren't any Kraken's here!"

"Bigfoot lives here," I replied firmly. "For all we know the Kraken vacations in Puget sound."

He laughed and seemed to relax as I'd intended. I was only half-kidding about the Kraken. The ocean was barely explored and was mostly this big yawning abyss of Nope. Anything could be down there - mermaids, krakens, Davy Jones. Monsters that reached up and wrapped their glowing tentacles around the ankles of their unsuspecting victims-

I screamed as something touched my ankle and I threw myself at a rather alarmed Mike, wrapping my legs around his waist. The poor guy didn't seem to know where to safely put his hands which hung helplessly at his side while he looked around to see what made me panic.

"Everything okay?" Eric paddled over to us concerned. I was ready to let the ocean swallow me whole this second while I disentangled myself from my friend.

"Something touched my foot," I told him, completely mortified. He was kind enough to not laugh at me to my face, but he was still smiling like a moron.

"Don't feel bad, new girl. Happens to everyone." I shrugged, and he went back to where he'd been surfing with Ben.

"He's right you know," Mike said beside me and pulled my arms back to where they'd been before. We were rather close but he seemed to be a little more composed than before. We bobbed in the water, the temperature cold on our exposed faces, but the rest of me was nice and warm.

"Now, where were we? Oh yeah," he said, dropping his hands to my waist. "I won't let you go. You're doing fine. I want you to get a feel for the water, what it's like to glide. Keep your arms around me. Did your dad ever pick you up and spin you around as a kid?" I nodded. "This is kinda like that, but with the water holding you up. I'm going to walk back towards the shore while pulling you, and you're going to let your legs float up behind you. Go ahead and kick if you want, but mostly concentrate on keeping your head above the water. Breathe through your nose so you don't swallow any of the water. If you want to stop just sing out."

He did exactly what he said he would, pulling me slowly through the water. It was weird letting my body go loose so my legs could rise up from the ground and float naturally. He grinned encouragingly at me when I kicked my feet experimentally. He pulled me round and round in circles, inching closer to the shore until I was comfortable.

"Let's take this to the next level, what do you think? Hold my forearms and kick while I pull you."

I took a deep breath and followed his instructions. "Ready."

"If you want to stop, it's okay," he said. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for."

"I was raised with the idea that courage is being scared shitless and barreling forward anyway," I said firmly. "Let's do this."

"Okay. Push off from the bottom and kick. I'm not going to let go, so don't worry." He walked slowly backward, pulling his arms back until he was holding my hands, and I did as he said. A big, goofy smile was plastered on my face as it worked.

We stayed out in the water until it was too cold and Mike never lost his patience with me. He encouraged me when I got spooked by rougher waves and didn't make any sort of condescending remarks about my shortcomings in such a basic skill. I felt a lot more confident when we flopped onto the blanket with the rest of our friends. Angela handed me a thermos of tea and a towel before going back to her conversation with Jessica. Looking around I saw we had new faces in our group. Teenagers from the reservation I guessed, judging by their glossy, straight black hair and copper skin.

Two of them including Ben and Eric were building the bonfire with broken branches of driftwood scattered around the beach. After drying off a little more I shimmied my clothes back on and wrapped the blanket I'd brought around myself to plunk down on one of the huge logs surrounding the firepit.

"Ever seen a driftwood fire?" one of the new boys asked me. I'd missed his name when the oldest boy had rattled off the names of the seven others, but he looked to be the youngest. I'd peg him around fourteen, maybe fifteen with long shiny dark hair he'd pulled neatly back at the nape of his neck with a rubber band. The artist in me marveled at just how pretty he was with his smooth, russet colored skin and dark liquid eyes set deep above his high cheekbones. My fingers automatically went to reach for my sketchbook before I remembered I'd left it at home.

"No, can't say that I have," I said. The oldest boy fished out a lighter from the pocket of his shorts and knelt down to light the assembled wood.

"You're in for a treat then. Watch." After a moment he pulled back and I watched open-mouthed as the flames licked up the wood quickly.

"It's blue," I exclaimed. He grinned at me, his white teeth contrasting with his skin.

"Something about the salt makes it do that. Pretty, huh?" I nodded enthusiastically and settled down to watched the dazzling green and blue display, sparks drifting up high towards the rapidly darkening sky. The food was passed around soon after, Angela sitting down next to me after she handed me a plate and a soda. I pressed against her in a semblance of a hug since my hands were full. She'd given me more food than I had any desire to eat, so I offered the burger to the boy next to me.

"I forgot to ask you your name," I realized as he took a bite of the burger. His eyes twinkled with a familiar mischief as he swallowed and stole a drink of my Dr. Pepper.

"I'm Jacob Black," he said, handing back the can and holding out his hand in a friendly gesture. "You're the New Yorker."

"You don't say," I said, grinning back at him. "Sloane Dawson."

"What brought you out here?" he asked, as he finished his food. I ended up just surrendering my drink to him since he kept stealing it.

"Bigfoot," I joked. He slanted a teasingly look out of the corner of his eye.

"You're in luck," he said airily. "You just found him." He stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles, wiggling his feet jokingly. I shoved his shoulder as he laughed.

"In all seriousness, my dad transferred to the base in Tacoma. I was sick of the military brat life so I live with my cousin, Angela." I slung an arm around her shoulder to get her attention. "Say hi Angela." She wiggled her fingers shyly and Jacob half-waved back.

"Fair enough, I guess. It's a bit smaller than New York City," he said with a smirk. "You're probably bored out of your mind by now."

"I've been able to keep myself occupied for the most part. Still, if you have any suggestions I'm all ears."

"I don't think I'm the best to be asking that. I basically live in my garage and work on building my car. Well, when I've got the parts anyway."

"That's impressive," I said honestly.

"It would be if I could finish it. You wouldn't know where I could get a master cylinder for a 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit, would you?" he joked.

"Sorry dude, I don't speak gear head." He laughed a pleasant and husky sound.

"At least you're honest about it." Jacob flashed me an appreciative smile, his eyes flicking up and down over me. I was a mess, so there wasn't much to see with my bare face and my hair piled crazily in a bun. It was frizzing badly from the salt air and was at risk of bursting through the four heavy duty industrial hair ties I'd wrestled it into.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked suddenly. "It's a little loud here." He was nice enough to help me up and we walked side by side with him between me and the water line. The setting sun was gorgeous against the dramatic landscape and again I was itching to record it in my sketchbook.

"So," he said, deceptively casual, once we were little ways from the group. "You're what, sixteen?"

"Just turned seventeen actually."

"Really? When's your birthday?"

"October thirty-first." He looked at me surprised, before laughing his head off.

"Happy late birthday then, demon spawn." I shoved him hard enough for him to stumble into the water but he took it in good stride.

"What about you? Sixteen?"

"Just turned fifteen actually," he winked at me when it was my turn to be surprised. "I'm tall for my age."

He really was. I was perfectly average at five foot six and he easily had half a foot on me. It was baffling at how many of these boys in this town seemed to be six foot on average.

My head was beginning to hurt from keeping my curls restrained against their will, so I reached up and let them loose, bending over at the waist to shake them out. I almost missed the look on Jacob's face when I stood up straight and flipped them to tumble back down to my thighs.

"When my sister's lived at home they spent hours in the bathroom getting ready and their hair was nowhere near as long as yours." He shook his head in disbelief but tugged a rogue curl over my shoulder anyway.

"You have siblings?"

"Yeah, two sisters. Rachel got a scholarship to Washington State, and Rebecca married a Samoan surfer. She lives in Hawaii now."

"I've been to the base out there. It's nice if you like humidity and tourists." He shrugged and kicked a rock out of his way. We turned around to wander back toward the bonfire since it was much darker now, but we kept our pace slow.

"So how are you liking Forks?" he asked, breaking the silence.

"It's quiet. Kind of reminds me of an alien planet with all the green. I'm a little disappointed by the lack of Bigfoot sightings, but I'm sure that'll resolve itself eventually. Do you come up there often?"

"Not much now. When I get the Rabbit finished I'll be able to go whenever I want - after I get my license anyway. Why? Have you realized how much you'll miss my dazzling good looks once you leave?" I rolled my eyes at him but he just grinned hugely.

"I'm making small talk here, you nerd."

"Could use some work. You might give people ideas," he winked. I groaned and went to shove his shoulder again, but he neatly dodged it. "Now is that a nice way to respond to someone who gives you good advice?"

"How has nobody punched you in the face yet, Black?" I asked without any real heat. Jacob shoved his hands in his pockets, stepping out of the way of the incoming tide to keep his shoes from getting soaked. I swapped places with him since I was still wearing my boots.

"Obviously it's my roguish charm," he replied, lifting one eyebrow, and his voice huskier than before. A splash caught my attention and I strained to see what made the noise out in the open water. It was no use, of course, being full dark now. Turning back to ask him if he'd heard what I had but froze, suddenly very aware of his close proximity. He smelled good, like forests and salt and engine oil, combined with this warm undertone that made me think of a sultry summer night.

For a moment I swore he was going to kiss me as he went to lean down, but I was saved by Mike yelling my name. "I gotta go," I said awkwardly, jerking a thumb at my waiting friend. Jacob nodded, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Sloane, wait!" I half-turned back to look at him. He fidgeted a little where he stood, and I waited for him to get his thought out. "Don't be a stranger, okay?" I smiled at him encouragingly and darted back to the safety of the bonfire between Bella and Mike.

"You okay?" the blond asked, looking between me and Jacob. I waved him off and reached for a can of soda.

"Yeah, it's all good." At least I thought it was. With some effort, I put the strange moment out of my mind and focused on enjoying the rest of my evening with my friends.

* * *

Over the next few days, Bella's health seemed to decline. The Cullens hadn't come back from their trip yet, and while I missed talking with my friends the separation seemed to be hitting her the hardest.

"Shit, Bella, are you getting enough sleep? You're beginning to look like the undead." She startled badly at my statement which was odd since we were sitting right next to each other. Her dark circles were insane, and the rest of her… it looked like she was becoming duller. Her hair wasn't as glossy nor were her nails and her skin looked sallow and unhealthy. I'd seen corpses with better color.

"It was a joke, Swan," I said much more gently when she looked almost on the verge of tears. Her entire body was coiled tight with stress and my heart ached in sympathy.

"Of course it was," she replied tightly. "Vampires aren't real."

Then like magic, she got better as quickly as she'd fallen ill. I'd picked her up and drove her home the day before the Cullens got back after warning her if she wasn't looking any better in the morning that I'd be taking her to the hospital. She's reluctantly agreed, but my fears were unfounded. When she showed up the next morning on Edward's arm, it was as if nothing had ever happened. She was smiling again and she looked radiant.

It was terrifying. How could someone become so affected by the absence of another person so easily? If they'd been gone any longer I wasn't sure what would have happened to her.

It happened twice more. Once before winter break and after I returned from Tacoma, where I'd spent my break with my parents. Each time it happened she seemed to get even worse than before. By all logic she shouldn't have been so affected by Edward like that - a person doesn't just wilt like a flower when their boyfriend was gone. It made no sense. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw the bruises on her arm. I avoided her after that but that only lasted another week before she showed up at my house on a rainy Tuesday evening.

* * *

 ** _January_**

"Jesus, Swan, what's wrong? Are you alright? You look terrible."

I closed the front door behind me as I stepped out onto the porch. It was full dark now, with only the fireflies and orange street lamps providing any sort of light through the heavy rain. She did look terrible; her clothes were soaking wet, her skin was paler than usual, her eyes bloodshot and the bags under her eyes were far too dark to be healthy.

It'd taken me a little longer for me to connect the dots, but with her decline in health when Edward was gone and her new behaviors helped. She'd lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, was unable to stop fidgeting, and was constantly looking around the room when Edward wasn't nearby. When I'd asked she'd blown me off saying she was just having some stomach aches and trouble sleeping. Having gone to high school in New York with some of the richest teenagers in the country I knew drug withdrawal when I saw it.

"Did someone drop you off?" Her rusted behemoth of a vehicle made a shit-ton of noise. It was impossible to not hear it, even from inside. Looking around revealed there was no truck in sight.

"I walked," Her teeth were chattering so hard she almost couldn't get the words out. "Driving was too dangerous. We need to talk." I was glad she chose against that looking at her shaking hands, but it was just a bad decision to walk a mile in the pouring rain in January.

"Yeah, I think we do. Is Charlie home?" She shook her head no and I sighed. Being home alone wasn't an option for her either. "Stay here a second." I didn't wait to see if she heard me before I went back inside, rushing up the stairs to shove some clothes and things I would need for school tomorrow. Satisfied, I ran back downstairs to poke my head around the living room wall.

"Stacy, I'm staying the night at Bella's. I'll see you in the morning." My aunt was too engrossed in Game of Thrones to look up at me, giving me a thumbs up as I rounded the corner again. With my bag thumping against my back I snagged my keys from the hook by the door and stepped outside. Bella followed like a bedraggled duckling to me truck climbing in without any sort of prompting. The windows fogged up a bit when the heater blasted at full strength. Once I could see, I drove carefully down the road to the Swan residence just under a mile away.

She didn't speak the entirety of the drive and I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Not because I was angry, even though I was, but because I couldn't believe she'd gotten caught up in something like drugs. She seemed too timid, too shy… and the more I thought about it the more it made sense. The poor girl was so coddled and controlled by her boyfriend and bending to his every whim it made absolute sense that he could have pressured her into it.

Edward Cullen absolutely hated me and had done his damnedest to keep me from Bella. He called me a bad influence, and I watched helplessly as he fed her doubts and fears with subtle remarks or outright disapproval. She systematically cut her friends out of her life until he was the center of her universe. I hadn't had a full conversation with her in two weeks but not for lack of trying.

Any social media accounts I tried to reach were blocked, our in person chats interrupted - all of it by him. He was possessive and jealous with poor naive Bella unable to see past the flush of first love. Jasper seemed to be in agreement with me along with Rosalie but whenever I tried to have them help me they were somehow shut down. Emmett had gently asked me to let it go, but I couldn't. Not when Bella was possibly in danger.

Whatever was going on with Edward had to be bad, but that didn't explain the rest of the family's behavior. Rosalie wasn't even subtle about her vehement dislike of her adopted brother and Jasper was always incredibly tense around him. The blond always seemed to somehow manage to plant himself between me and him as if he were warning him off or protecting me. For a family that was so picture perfect, it was almost fake, this was wildly out of character.

The Cullens were hiding something and protecting Edward despite obviously disagreeing with it. And I was going to find out why.

When we stood on her front porch her hands were shaking too badly to unlock her door. I gently plucked the key from her fingers and did it for her. I hung up both of our coats and sat her down at the table as I wandered around the tiny kitchen with the yellow cabinets for things to make tea. If Bella withdrawing from God only knew what wasn't reason enough for a calming cup of tea, then the beverage had lost its purpose and my entire life-philosophy was at risk of crumbling along with the world beside it.

Finding the mugs above the sink and the tea bags in the pantry I poured bottled water from the fridge into a chipped Miami Dolphins mug and stuck it in the old microwave for three minutes. It went off with a chirp, and I pulled it out to added the tea bags. While they steeped I hunted in the pantry for honey and added a generous dollop once the tea was brewed. I had no idea if she even liked tea, Bella wrapped her bony fingers around the mug, leaning forward to inhale the steam swirling above the stained porcelain.

"Let's get you in the shower," I said as gently as I was able. She looked so small sitting in her wet clothes and clutching the mug as if it were a lifeline. She held it as we made our way up the stairs, her legs trembling from exhaustion. It was like all the life had been sucked out of her. She sat on the toilet lid while I adjusted the temperature for the shower and didn't fight when I helped her undress. Bella was shaking so badly once she got in the combination shower and bath that it was just easier to let her sit on the floor under the spray.

I stepped out to give her some privacy and went to her room to find some clothes. It was both everything I expected…. And not. The lace curtains were yellowed with age and the rocking chair in the corner seemed a little young for a seventeen-year-old girl. The walls were painted a pretty periwinkle which looked nice with her purple covers and the eclectic mix of posters and art pinned to them. She had a computer and desk in the corner that looked older than me which made my inner tech nerd cringe.

Overall it was average but calm. Digging through her closet showed her usual scant wardrobe up front. Bella's style was easy to sum up in one word: comfort. It was low maintenance and no fuss but could be a little boring. Like her, I loved comfortable fabrics but I needed a little drama to make things interesting. In the back (which I say loosely because they took up a good chunk of space) were a bunch of unworn clothes - they were clearly expensive and all of them had the tags still attached. Just checking the price tag of the closest blouse was enough to convince me she hadn't picked for herself, besides the fact that it was something she'd never wear in this lifetime. It was clearly a gift, but from who?

Selecting a slightly threadbare pair of flannels and an oversized t-shirt with a cheesy wolf and moon print you could find at any truck stop or occult store, I stopped by her dresser for her unmentionables to bring back to the steamy bathroom. Bella had managed to stand up on her own and was shampooing her hair. I plunked her stuff on the toilet lid along with two of the fluffiest towels I could find in the linen closet.

"Are you going to need any more help, or do you want me to step out?"

"I don't think so. You can wait in my room if you want."

"Alright," I said, taking her cup with me. "Call if you need me."

Her computer was on. After three whole seconds of deliberating, I plopped my butt on her chair and shook the mouse to wake up the senior citizen. Noting that she hadn't set a password, I pulled up the minimized web browser in the toolbar and settled in to see what she had.

Three open tabs. The one I was looking at was dedicated to myths and legends of the Native tribes of the Pacific Northwest, another to something called the "Cold Ones". The last was an online journal still opened to an unsaved document.

What in the world could the three tabs have in common? Bella wasn't the type who enjoyed myths and legends. She had as much interest in the supernatural as I did in her classics: which is to say none. There was nothing I could see that would interest Bella as I skimmed the the web page. The journal document was the tab I refused to touch. There's a line between nosy and invasive; reading her private thoughts was definitely invasive.

With a resigned sigh, I minimized the web page again to pull up her Spotify. We had similar tastes but hers ran to more softer sounds. I pulled up a playlist she'd titled "Rest" and adjusted the volume so that it was a soothing background noise.

It was another fifteen minutes before she rejoined me and immediately she climbed onto her bed to burrito herself in her blanket. I sat in the chair across from her using my foot to gently rock myself back and forth. The shower seemed to have done some good by putting a bit of color back in her cheeks, but it wasn't a perfect solution.

"Do you have anything you want to tell me before I jump to the worst case scenario?" Her chocolate brown eyes looked at me in surprise. She really didn't expect me to be so up front about it, or so it seemed. Still, I held my ground and continued to rock as she tried to come up with an answer.

"It's not what you think," she said as I handed her the cup.

"Then enlighten me." Her hair fell into her face like a curtain as she stared into her cup as if it were the key to her existence.

"Bella, if you're in trouble I can help," I said as delicately as I could. "You're not the first person I've helped with getting clean and I'll happily be as discreet as you'd like-" her shocked laughter interrupted me.

"It's not drugs. Holy crow, you think I'd do something like _that?"_ She took a sip of her tea, still laughing. I, however, was not.

"There's something wrong, Swan," I said flatly. She looked shocked at my firmness. _Good,_ I thought. _We might get somewhere._ "Whenever Edward is gone you become this ghost. You don't do anything without his permission or approval, and you completely spend all your free time with him. When was the last time you hung out with Jess and me?"

"When we went to the movies," she replied unblinkingly.

"That was a month ago."

Her thin face fell, making her look ten years older. "I… didn't realize so much time had passed."

"I get it. It happens. But it doesn't explain your health, Bells! You look so sick when he's gone. It's terrifying. And now you're researching mythological creatures?" I stabbed my finger toward her computer. Her brows pulled together in irritation.

"You went through my web history?" She demanded.

"No, I just looked at the browser tab you left open. I didn't look at the journal page - don't look at me like that, I know what it was because I use the same one. Bella, you've made it difficult but I'm trying to be a friend to you. If you want me to stop, I will. But I'm still so worried about you."

She set aside her cup and pulled her blankets closer around her shoulders and head until all that could be seen was her face and some of her hair. White teeth chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Do you believe in the supernatural?"

Settling more comfortably into my seat, still rocking, I played along. "I've been known to believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast. And we live smack dab in Bigfoot's backyard."

"What is with you and your fixation on Bigfoot?" She asked exasperatedly.

"Don't change the subject."

"Fine then. What about vampires?"

"Sure." A sinking feeling developed in my gut as I watched her face contort into relief. "But what does this have to do with Edward and your health?"

"Because that's what they are."

I glared at her over the rims of my glasses. "You're going to have to elaborate on that. Who is 'they'?"

"The Cullens. They're vampires, Sloane."

Silence fell between the two of us, the only sounds being the humming of her computer and the steady creaking of my chair. Bella stared uncomfortably at me, her hands clenching and unclenching her blanket. My thoughts drifted back to that day at the movies in Port Angeles and to the strange conversation I'd had while waiting in line for the movie.

"Vegetarian vampires have gold eyes," I said out loud. Bella perked up at that, lips half-smiling.

"So you already know? When did Jasper tell you?"

My rocking never stopped. "He didn't. Emmett told me when we went to the movies."

"That was your first day," she replied, her brows pulling together in confusion. "They told you their secret your first day here?" Was that jealousy I heard? Was she insane? _She reads Wuthering Heights for fun, so probably,_ my brain added a little hysterically.

"I thought it was just a joke. We saw _Interview with a Vampire_ and I thought Emmett was having some fun at my expense." I didn't know what to feel. It was as if the sudden realization had frozen whatever emotional reaction I was capable of. Every instinct seemed to be on standby as I rocked.

It was probably insane, but I was oddly glad Bella doing drugs wasn't the explanation. Vampires didn't exist outside of YA fiction and mythology. They had fangs and slept in coffins and…They went to my high school pretending to be human because they didn't want to hurt humans. I wanted to laugh, to scream, to walk out of this weird madness Bella had sucked me in.

My foot never stopped its steady movements as I rocked. Bella continued talking despite my silence. "Edward told me a little about Jasper's past. He's so gentle with you that it's a little hard to believe he did so many bad things."

"Such as?" My voice was neutral but not through any sort of effort. My brain was busy absorbing this revelation, passing beyond fear and hysteria into a complete and total shutdown of all but emergency services.

"He told me he killed a lot of people and that he wasn't always a vegetarian. He and Alice only joined the family about fifty years ago, where they both decided to change their diet. They told me he struggles a lot with it - Edward does worry about you, even though you hate him." Her big brown eyes were wide as she seemed to plead with me to understand. "Edward only wants what's best for humans and worries about his brother's self-control around you. He's really a good man, Sloane."

I nodded noncommittally. The silence was awkward now so I took it as an excuse to get up and grab my bag. "Do you mind if I shower?" I asked. She shook her head and made herself comfortable on her bed while I stepped into the landing.

The water was far too hot and turned my skin a cherry red but I didn't bother to change it. All of my emotional responses seemed to be frozen in shock, so all I could feel with the burning water as it sluiced over my body.

Bella scooted closer to the wall so I could share the bed with her when I returned in my own pajamas. She fell asleep quickly, curling up in the fetal position, blankets over her head. I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling unable to sleep. Charlie returned late but didn't poke his head in as he walked with heavy footsteps over to his room.

The window opened around two in the morning. I was still awake and Bella had shifted to cuddle close like a barnacle, her head on my shoulder and her arms wrapped around me. She'd been talking in her sleep, mostly Edward's name. My hand had drifted up to wrap around her protectively, my fingers gently dragging through her hair.

I rolled my head over to see Edward sitting in the chair I'd been in only hours before.

"She told you." It wasn't a question.

"Yeah," I replied. Bella moaned but quieted as I resumed my petting of her hair.

"That's all you have to say?" His voice was quiet enough so as to not carry through the thin walls.

"What else is there to say?"

"Aren't you afraid?" It was strange to see him without any sort of hostility on his face. Now there was only curiosity.

"I don't feel anything right now," I said honestly. "Ask me tomorrow."

"It is a bit of a shock, I'll grant you that." It truly was a surreal to speak with him in a calm manner. "What are you going to do with this information?"

"Nothing."

His eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hairline. "You're actually telling the truth." Any other day I would have been offended that was being called into question.

"Yup." My lips pursed as I popped the 'p'.

I don't know how I did it but sleep did manage to take me. Edward shook me awake at five before my alarm went off on his way out. Disentangling myself from Bella, I waited for Charlie to leave and quickly dressed before leaving myself.

I cried in my driveway, but not for any reason. Maybe it was all of them or none of them. I wasn't sure. Last night had left me numb but now all I could do was _feel_. The numbness was frightening but it didn't hurt so much. There was too many emotions to decipher but the one I felt the most was _betrayal_ followed closely by _used_.

My tears were dried up by the time Angela stumbled out in a half asleep daze. She didn't ask any questions when I dropped her off either. A glance in my rearview mirror showed just how awful I looked with my blotchy skin and bloodshot eyes. My empty stomach was cramping but food was the last thing I wanted. As I pulled out after dropping her off I decided school was not in the cards for me today.

Then I saw him.

Jasper looked so happy to see me, with the half smile I'd come to love curling sweetly on his lips. It hurt to look at him and on reflex, I went to smile back and then -

" _The Cullens. They're vampires."_

 _"Next you're going to tell me they don't drink human blood."_

" _Some don't. Some prefer a vegetarian diet of animal blood. Those that do have golden eyes instead of red."_

" _He struggles a lot with it."_

" _He killed a lot of people."_

Fear flooded me until I couldn't breathe. Through tear-filled eyes I saw his face fall as if he knew that I knew his secret. It hurt. It didn't stop hurting as I drove back the way I came.

* * *

I went home and put on my rattiest pair of pajama pants and my favorite Ravenclaw tank top that was covered in old paint and bleach stains. A little digging had revealed my blobfish slippers to shove onto my feet. Stacy wasn't home from running errands, so the house was mine for at least another hour. With my hair up in a bun, I shuffled around the kitchen making a cup of tea and plunked myself on the couch in the den.

It smelled like tea and lemon pledge. Merlin, the family's Newfoundland stood up from his bed by the TV to lay his giant self across my lap with a heavy sigh of contentment. Tears escaped despite my best efforts, and I buried my face into his fluffy neck as I let it all out.

I was exhausted when I was done, but Merlin wasn't done with me yet. He nosed and shuffled me so I was laying down and proceeded to gently lay down on top of me so I was covered by a warm, living blanket of made of love. His snuffling snores filled my ears as he quickly drifted off to sleep.

The front door being opened pulled my out of my light doze but didn't phase the big lump one bit. I heard Stacy as she puttered back and forth between the kitchen and the car bringing in groceries. "Merlin, you know you're not allowed on the couch," she admonished gently. "Sloane? What are you doing home?"

Merlin helpfully rolled off of me and onto the floor, lying on his side contentedly. Stacy stepped over him to sit beside me and rubbed my back.

"You've been crying, honey," she said with a soft hand that brushed my cheek and I dissolved into tears again. My aunt didn't say anything, just let me get it all out.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked once I had no more tears to shed. Of course I did, I needed to. But, how do you explain to your aunt that the boy you may or may not be in love with is an immortal being with a history as a murderer?

"Boy problems?" She guessed. I shrugged but she seemed to take it as an affirmative. "It's alright honey. I'll listen."

"He… well, Bella told me something about Jasper. Something about his past I didn't expect."

"And now you don't know what to think of him?"

I nodded. She _hmmed_ , still rubbing my back in soothing, sweeping strokes. "Well, does it affect his present?"

"Sort of. Maybe. I don't know."

"Did you talk to him about it?" I shook my head no.

"So let me get this straight. Bella told you something you didn't like about the boy you've been over the moon for and you haven't brought it up to him?" She continued after I nodded.

"Are you more upset about what you learned, or more so that you didn't hear it from him?"

"Both," I whispered into the couch cushion.

"Oh, honey," she said kindly. "I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. But if it's any consolation, whatever it was you found out, it doesn't affect how he feels about you."

"How do you know?" I asked glumly. She laughed lightly and it made me a little sullen.

"He looks at you like you hung the stars, honey. Whatever it is that's so bad, I bet you my best skillet he'd do anything to fix it."

"Maybe."

"You should talk to him about it. But today I think is a good day to lounge in front of the tv like a couple of bums. I'll get the coffee on while you pick the movie, hm?"

* * *

 ** **(17) missed calls****

 **(26) new text messages**

 **(17) New voicemails**

"Kiddo, it's Emmett. Listen, I know you're scared but let's talk about this-" _**Delete.**_

 _-Rosalie H. 8:13am_

 _Sloane, please come home so we can talk. Bella was out of line but we can fix this._ _ **Delete.**_

"It's me, Bella-" _**Delete.**_

 **Inbox (0)**

 **Voicemail box is empty. You have no new messages.**

* * *

"Angie is out with Bella and Jessica in Port Angeles, so it'll be you and me for a few more hours," Stacy said, as she settled back down next to me. We'd spent the day on the couch watching every movie I picked, but she got up every now and then to check on dinner. Merlin happily sprawled on my feet, snoring and twitching as he dreamed.

"What about Isaac and Joshua?"

"They're over a friends house for dinner. It is a little strange having the house so quiet this late, honey, but it's a nice break." I had to agree - I loved my cousins but two little boys were rambunctious. Lifting my mug from where it sat on the coffee table I took a long sip, closing my eyes at the pleasant feeling of warmth flooding through me from the bitter coffee. Stacy couldn't believe I preferred it black, but once you added stuff to it then it just wasn't coffee anymore in my opinion.

Sarah and the Goblin King were dancing on the big TV when the phone rang. My aunt stood up to go answer it leaving me in the spot I'd occupied for hours. Merlin moaned happily under my feet as I used them to rub his belly. The black polish was chipping I noticed, and I resolved to fix that before I went to bed.

"Joshua got sick, so I'm going to go pick up the boys. Will you be alright by yourself?" Stacy asked me as shouldered her purse and slipped on her shoes.

I waved a hand at her in reassurance. "We'll be fine. Drive safe." She blew Merlin a kiss and swept out the door, leaving silence in her wake. Suddenly not in the mood for TV I shut it off with the remote next to me and sat back in my seat, staring at my reflection in the now black screen.

It took all of twenty seconds for me to decide I didn't want to spend another minute inside. Taking the stairs two at a time, I darted into my room and pulled out my favorite pair of jeans and a heavy sweatshirt that proclaimed "NEW YORK" in red, peeling letters to go underneath my heavy coat. Once dressed I zipped back downstairs to tug on my boots and grabbed Merlin's leash. "Well, come on you big lug!" He lumbered over to me and sat patiently as I clipped his lead to his collar, sticking to my left side as I led him to the trails that snaked through the forest behind the house.

It was overcast, the clouds dark and heavy with snow that had yet to fall. There wasn't much snow under the trees but it was still icy cold. Merlin didn't seem to mind as he plodded quietly next to me, occasionally shoving his nose in the occasional plant. It was beautiful, and kind of haunting in the woods; the darkness a curious mix of oppressive and thrilling. Fog curled around my ankles, shrouding most of the forest floor in a hazy mist.

You didn't have to walk very deep in the woods before the outside world and its sounds faded away. Just a few minutes in all I could hear was the life that lived in the trees. The air was crisp and sharp in my nose as I inhaled deeply, taking in the pine and loamy soil smells.

Mike and I had run this trail before, so I knew how long it was and where the landmarks were. Half a mile in was a small river that cuts through with a tiny footbridge over it. You could see a lot of wildlife here early in the morning; birds, deer, and squirrels. One memorable morning I'd seen a vixen with three fuzzy kits in tow on her way back to her den.

The big dog at my side was at least a hundred pounds, and I looked at the footbridge before us. It was sturdy enough but it was rather narrow. Merlin took one look at it and planted his furry butt down. I glared down at him with my hands on my hips before finally picking him up with both arms and carefully making my way across.

"You are such a coward," I said, my voice thick with affection once I set him down on the other side. His tongue lolled out of his mouth in a doggy smile, complete with a happily thumping tail. We continued walking, and the further we went the more at peace I felt.

Another mile and Merlin froze. I looked down to see his fur stand on end and was shocked to hear him growl. His big body slunk around to park right in front of the trail we were following, between me and whatever it was I couldn't see.

"What is it, boy?" I crouched down to stroke his fur in an attempt to soothe. Something spooked him and it was then that I realized just how quiet it was. There was no birdsong or the sound of animals moving around the vegetation that covered the ground like a green carpet. Even the wind had died, leaving the world in an eerie state of pause. The fog still curling around our feet seemed much more menacing than it had before.

Merlin snarled savagely, snapping at whatever it was I couldn't see. My heart thudded sharply in my chest, but my legs wouldn't respond to my commands to move. The dog flattened against me, still growling. I wrapped my arms around him, looking around desperately.

"Merlin, we gotta go," I whispered, my voice shaking. "Come on buddy, they're waiting for us at home." I spoke to myself as much as I did him, but still, I couldn't move.

"Merlin, please," I begged. My face was buried in the scruff of his neck and I shook like a leaf as I clutched the big dog. "We gotta move buddy. Leave the monster alone."

"Monster? Now that's just hurtful, baby doll," a deep voice said with a thick southern drawl. Merlin freaked, snarling and barking as he wriggled out of my grasp to keep me behind him. It was difficult to breathe from where I was kneeling, my vision blurred by the tears I couldn't stop.

There was a sharp sound, like stones crashing together and the rustling of fabric. I struggled to keep myself together but I was just so scared.

"Shut the fuck up, Peter," hissed a second voice. It was distinctly female with her own accent as thick as syrup. "Poor thing is scared out of her wits! Use your head."

"Aw, Char, you know I'm just bein' friendly." A twig cracked somewhere in front of me and to the left which sent Merlin into a whole other mess of hysterics.

"Fuck, someone shut that damn dog up," the first voice complained, followed by a savage growl that was horribly familiar. I'd dropped the leash sometime since this began and Merlin took off back the way we'd came whining and crying, leaving me behind and huddled in the dirt.

" _Peter,_ " the female snapped. With wide eyes, I watched as two figures stepped into view, one male and the other female.

The male, Peter had shaggy black hair topped by a ballcap. He was dressed in dark jeans, the hems dirty and frayed, a flannel shirt half unbuttoned to reveal a firmly muscled chest and heavy boots. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows to expose his forearms, and on his right wrist was a thick leather cuff. He stood about six-foot two and had a lean build like a swimmer. His skin was so pale he seemed to glow under the shade of the trees.

The female, Char, was much shorter, maybe five foot two. Her honey blonde hair was cropped to her chin and she had a trucker hat over it. She was dressed similarly to her companion in equally worn dark jeans, but instead of boots she had a scuffed pair of black Converse and was wearing a dark green long sleeved t-shirt. She was all sweet curves that gave her an angelic look with her equally pale skin.

They looked like they could have been normal hikers with their backpacks over their shoulders, but I knew better. Peter was roguishly handsome, his sharply angled features giving him a fox-like appearance. Char was beautiful with her cherubic face that made her look as young as me.

It took everything I had not to scream at their bright red eyes. My heart seemed to thud even faster in my panic- I was too scared to even cry.

"Shit, Char, she doesn't sound so good," the male said worriedly as he crouched down to my level. "Babydoll, we ain't gonna hurt ya. Come on now, calm down."

Human drinking vampires had cornered me in the woods and were telling me to calm down? A hysterical half-laugh half-sob escaped. Of course, this is how I'd die. Right after Bella told me vampires existed and right after I'd run from the few vampires who didn't feed on my species.

"Oh, the goddamn fucking irony," I wheezed, sitting down Indian style to tear my fingers through my hair. Char slowly crouched down beside her companion to look at me with concern.

"You wanna let us in on the joke, sugar?" It took me a little bit to calm down enough to face my death head on, but I managed it.

"Yesterday I was cheerfully obvious of the things that go bump in the night," I said sounding much calmer than I felt. "And then I learned that my friends drink animal blood and glitter in the sunlight. Now, look where I am." I waved my hand at the two of them. "I take a walk in the woods and run into the two vampires who eat my kind."

"You're not on the menu, babydoll," Peter said casually. "Not quite our type." Char elbowed him sharply in the ribs and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Don't bother," I told her. "Just be quick about it, if you don't mind."

"We're not eating you," the female said gently and went to reach for me. She pulled back when I flinched. "Why don't you tell us your name, and we'll tell you ours?"

"Not sure why you even care, but it's Sloane Eleanor Joan Dawson." Peter looked suspiciously pleased, fixing his companion with a look I couldn't decipher.

"Pleasure to meet ya. I'm Peter Whitlock, and this is my mate Charlotte."

"Just Char is fine, sugar," the blonde added with a sweet smile.

"We're on our way to visit our brother when we got a call from a friend sayin' he took off this mornin'. I'm hopin' you could give us a little insight as to what happened." Peter shuffled so he was sitting on the ground like me, propped up on his hands outstretched behind him. Char settled into a pose similar to mine and it was baffling how comfortable they looked as if they were sitting around a bonfire and not in the middle of the forest with a human-shaped basket case.

"Sorry, can't help you," I lied. Peter arched a thick eyebrow and smirked.

"Try again, baby doll. Jasper's told me all about you."

"Use that vampire super mind. I'm sure you can figure it out." I flexed my numb fingers, finally aware of just how cold I was. Sitting on the icy ground probably wasn't a good idea for fragile mortal bodies. Slowly, I went to stand but Char hissed for me to be still as she stared out into the treeline.

Peter was frozen, his eyes seeing something I wasn't sure I'd would if I turned around, and started badly when he jerked back to the present. "Char, step back, he's comin'-"

"Who's coming?" I choked, struggling to stand. Behind me, a deep, savage growl seemed to cut through me to my bones and I sank down to my knees.

"Want to explain what exactly is goin' on here, brother?" Jasper asked deadly quiet.

* * *

 **A/N: To be honest, I almost lost my confidence with this story. I was worried there wasn't enough original content and was swamped with self-doubt. Talking it out with friends helped, so fear not! The show will go on. We've got quite a bit of content to get through.**

 **I really love fleshing out friendships - so what do you think of best friend Newton?**

 **That being said I love and appreciate feedback - it helps fuel my muse and hone my writing skills. Questions? Comments? Flinging rotten tomatoes? Toss 'em in the inbox. Til next time!**


	7. Certain as Death and Taxes

_Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some continuity, sameness of life — can that exist under our circumstances? Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day — and must_ close therefore, _so that you get the L. at once. Be calm — love me — today — yesterday._

 **Excerpt from a letter from Ludwig Van Beethoven to his unnamed "Immortal Beloved"**

 _ **JPOV**_

* * *

Hearing my voice made her heart rate spike and with a startled inhale she slumped over in a dead faint. Once upon a time in a bloodbath of a wonderland, the fear that was rolling off of Sloane would have excited me to no end. On a primal level it did, feeding the depraved monster I was currently struggling to rein in. The fact that it was my mate who was the source negated any real pleasure I might have gained from it.

I crouched beside her to lift her up into my arms, taking care to tuck her head into the juncture of my neck and shoulder. For a moment I just savored the feeling of her soft warmth against my cold hardness. The peace I felt was something I didn't think I could put into words. It was so easy to tip my chin down, her curls brushing gently against my nose and take a deep breath of her scent. It was still tainted with the adrenaline that comes with fear but uniquely hers.

Movement in my peripheral vision made me snap my eyes up to Peter. He'd placed himself between Char and me, her tiny body completely blocked from my view. There was no fear from either of them but the natural wariness that came from being in the presence of a possible threat. It was so odd to think that they'd consider me such, but it was an instinctual response to a male in defense of his mate.

Keeping her sedated was easy as I wrapped her in a cocktail of peace, security, and comfort. Sloane fell into a true sleep in my arms and I couldn't stop the grin that came from the thrill of her curling closer to me, pressing her face against my skin.

"We good now, fucker?" Peter asked lightly, easing out of defense mode. Char peered around him, her big red eyes wide and trained on Sloane. Just like that, the tense moment disappeared. The little female flicked her gaze to me and wiggled her fingers in greeting before immediately going back to staring. I shared a wry look with Peter - looks like Char decided to keep her. That was fine with me, she owned my ass just as much as she owned her mate's.

"Yeah, we're good," I replied. "Come on, we need to head back to the house."

There wasn't any current threat but my instincts were still roaring in the forefront to get my vulnerable mate back to safety. It would be awhile before I fully calmed down.

This morning had been… God, I don't know how to describe it. My monster screamed at me to chase our girl down but I couldn't. It'd been a long time since I'd been hurt that bad and I needed to clear my head before I even thought about approaching her. Once I was out of the city limits I gave myself over to my monster, uncaring of anything or anyone except putting as much space between me and everyone else. Vampires couldn't cry but if I could have I would've - I'm man enough to admit it. The only true outlet I had was violence. My monster led me to the closest place I could let loose. There was no way of knowing how long I remained like that, but when I came too I had my teeth buried deep in the neck of a moose, desperately trying to drain the damn thing even after I'd already done so.

There were many reasons I was known as the God of War and it wasn't just my skill in leading armies of newborns. No, it stemmed mostly from the destruction that I and the horde I commanded would cause. It really was the stuff of legends. It sounds cocky, but just a fact. This wasn't a legend though; this was right here was the cold hard truth of reality.

It looked like a bomb had gone off in the clearing I stood in. A sweep of my surroundings revealed it wasn't a clearing, but actually a swathe of the forest I'd carved my way through. Animal carcasses of all kinds were scattered haphazardly back through the giant path of what had once been thickly growing evergreens. My monster, that bastard, sauntered back into the cage he was normally kept in, purring and sated from gorging himself. Cleanup was routine, and soon enough the only evidence of my mindless rage was the uncomfortably sloshing sensation of overfeeding.

Picture that if you would, but with fifty half-starved newborns champing at the bit to fight and fuck and feed, standing at my back. The destruction didn't come from the overzealous feeding - it came when they fought each other over their meals. Maria always loved watching them turn on each other like rabid dogs. When there wasn't a single heartbeat left a cleanup crew would make a sweep behind the sated horde leaving a smoldering ruin to greet the rising sun.

You can take the vampire out of the war, but you can't take the war out of the vampire, I thought as I sprinted back to familiar territory.

* * *

Rose's shouting was clear as soon as we crossed over into Cullen territory. She was ripping into Edward, her emotions stark with rage and frustration. When the three of us stepped on the front porch Sloane shifted slightly, her face scrunched in discomfort. The shouting was much louder and I sedated her just a bit more to keep her under for now.

Char and Peter breezed past me to run up the stairs to my room to take advantage of the shower. The rest of the family was gathered around the seldom used table. Bella, thankfully, was nowhere in sight.

All eyes but one swung to the three of us when we walked into view. Carlisle stood impassively with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes trained on a slight imperfection in the wood grain. He was thinking deeply, but whatever it was about had made him rather stressed. I sent him a low dose of calm to help.

Rose was hissing like a hellcat and damn near spitting nails as she fought Emmett's hold on her. His arm was wrapped securely around her middle to keep her from lunging at Edward standing directly across. His shirt was torn to shreds, and his hand was firmly pressed against his shoulder. I could smell venom in the air and guessed that she'd taken a bite out of him. Not life threatening and easily fixed, but fuck did it hurt like a bitch. Peter snickered at the younger male's discomfort.

"Sloane!" Rose stopped struggling to reach the male on top of her shit list to instead reach in my direction. A growl spilled out from behind my teeth without my consent as I stepped back a pace. She snarled back, pulling her lips back from her venom coated teeth.

"Rosalie," Esme chided from her place by Carlisle. My sister backed down somewhat but didn't stop her glaring.

Reaching out with my foot I tugged the closest chair over to me, settling down to rearrange Sloane as comfortable as possible. Her face scrunched in annoyance at my moving and I had to muffle a laugh at her sleepy human growl as she shoved her nose back into my neck. The soft exhalation from her barely parted lips was warm like the rest of her.

The hostility flowing from Edward was near cloying, fogging up my concentration. Just to keep my focus I blanketed the room in the cocktail I'd wrapped Sloane in. Alice tugged on his wrist to inspect his wound and he begrudgingly let her. His distraction provided an opportunity for my brother and Char to make their appearance.

They'd changed their clothes, both of them looking less like feral hikers and more composed. As vampires, we really didn't need to shower per se as we didn't secrete any sort of natural oils like humans did. Most nomads only indulged in it to rinse off the blood of hunting and to keep the dust off.

"Peter, Charlotte! What a surprise," Esme said with a genuine smile. "Jasper didn't mention you were coming." It always made me happy that my coven was so welcoming of my other family despite the lifestyle differences. Well, almost all of them.

"That'd be because he didn't know," my brother replied. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry, ma'am."

"It's no trouble."

"We've hunted recently, but should the need arise we'll be sure to do so out of r territory," Charlotte added. Carlisle nodded in response. My hackles rose without my consent as his gaze drifted from the table to fix on the girl in my arms.

"First Jasper risks our entire way of being by dallying with a human, and now his friends are here?" Edward demanded. He hissed as Alice spat on his wound in an attempt to make it heal quicker and slapped at her hands. She ignored him, barreling forward in the way that was one hundred percent Alice.

"Got somethin' to say, son?" Peter drawled. Char drew up a chair on my other side and laid her head on my shoulder, her attention fully focused on the girl in my arms. She slung her arm around my shoulders in a half-hug and settled in.

"I'm not your son."

"You've never said a truer thing in your miserable life, boy," he said as he sat down. With his elbows propped on the table, he leaned forward with a wicked smirk, showing just a little too much teeth to be friendly. "If you were mine I'd've whooped some manners into your sorry hide long ago."

Edward bristled and went to step forward but was stopped by Alice digging her fingers into his arm.

"What's wrong with her?" Rose ground out from between clenched teeth. Beside me, Charlotte reached out a gentle hand and brushed stray curls from Sloane's face, fingertips lingering slightly as they traced the line of her cheekbones.

"She's just takin' a nap, Blondie, don't get your panties in a wad." Peter winked.

"I wasn't asking you." Queen Bitch she may be but once Rosalie Hale got it into her head to keep someone then they were hers. That kind of loyalty was rare to find. Throw in how deeply vampires felt? Sloane had no idea what kind of friend she truly had.

"She's fine, Rose. Just keeping her under for a little bit." I assured her. Emmett tugged out a chair and sat down, pulling Rose down with him.

"How can you condone this, Carlisle?" Edward was fuming and it was glorious. It was so rare for the boy-wonder to publicly lose his cool. Our patriarch turned his attention to his first born, calm as still water.

"Jasper has done nothing but care for his mate as is expected of our kind. What is there to object?"

Edward was doing an amazing impression of a fish, his mouth gaping as it was. "You weren't this accepting of Bella-"

"Bella is your singer, not your mate," Carlisle interrupted. "It is a completely different matter."

"How can you question my self-control over his? I've seen his memories of what he's done! Surely you wouldn't be so callous as to throw an innocent human into his path because of a technicality?"

Peter growled a warning at the bronze haired male while Charlotte clamped a hand down on my shoulder more for her sake than mine. I reached up a free hand to hold it, pushing as much calm into her and my brother as I could. Their defense of me was appreciated but unnecessary.

"You ain't got a fuckin' clue what you're talkin' about, boy," Peter snapped. "Your daddy wasn't even swimmin' in your granddad's balls when we were raisin' all sorts of hell you don't have the stones to imagine."

If he could have paled in fear he would have, but he held his poker face mostly in check. "Charming as always, Peter. My point still stands."

"No," Carlisle interjected. "It does not. Bella was out of line sharing information she shouldn't have." He held up a hand when Edward began to splutter indignantly.

"I respected your wishes regarding wanting to pursue Bella out of love for you. In hindsight, it may have been a mistake. I've indulged your whims over the years as they have been harmless, but now there is the possibility you may have put us in danger." He looked at me.

"As is our custom what happens with your mate will be left to you. No one here will interfere with your wishes." I inclined my head in acknowledgment. It was more of a formality than anything. The elder male knew as well as I that even if he wanted to make a move against Sloane he'd lose.

"As for Bella," he turned his attention back to his son. "She was wrong to share our secret even if it was to the mate of one of our own. The blame ultimately lies with you, Edward, as you should have instilled caution in her."

Edward's lips thinned in anger. "If anything the blame lies with Alice for not seeing this was coming."

It was my turn to vocalize my warning. Fuck with me all you want, but you don't throw those I've claimed under the bus to save your sorry hide. And yet he did have a point, I thought, sharing a look with Peter. His intuition was one I'd bet money on every time and right now he was positive Edward was on to something.

"Oh, don't even look at me," the tiny female snapped. "We've already had this discussion, Edward."

"As much as it pains me to say it he does make a valid point, Alice," I said begrudgingly. "Normally you warn us."

Alice spun on her heel to glare at me with her hands on her hips. "I can't warn against what I can't see, Jazz!"

I fought back an irritated growl. Nicknames weren't my thing, and the more I protested the more she insisted on them.

"That doesn't make any sense," Emmett added. He leaned back in his seat pulling Rose along with him to keep her from lunging at Edward. "You've seen her in visions before, and keep an eye on Bells. What's different this time?"

"You know my visions are subjective. I didn't see what Bella was going to do until she did it." Truth, mostly. I focused my gift harder.

 _Anger, frustration, fear, anxiety._

"What else aren't you tell us, Alice?" Carlisle coaxed gently. The black haired female bit her lip and cast a frightened glance in my direction. That was completely out of character for her- she knew I'd never hurt her. What had she seen to warrant that reaction?

Alice pulled the corner of her lip between her teeth - her one big tell. For a moment the only sound in the room was my mate's resting heartbeat. Then, her explanation spilled out of her mouth in a stream of words far too quickly for any human ears.

"Everything I've seen about Sloane has been in the futures of others. Her future is completely black - like a void. It's as if she doesn't have one. The more I try to search the more it makes my head ache."

"How is that possible?" Charlotte asked. "Everyone has a future."

Peter grunted next to me, shifting his weight from his left foot to his right. "Could be her gift."

"She can't have a gift, she's human," Edward scoffed.

"Explain your human then," Peter snapped. "I've heard she's got you blocked." Edward hissed, causing Peter to snap at him his teeth coming together with a _clack._

"I'm unsure what sort of ability she could possess that would block her from the future. Jasper, your gift works on her? As does Edward's?" I nodded, nuzzling Sloane's hair as she mumbled in her sleep.

"Alice's gift works outside the body while mine affects it. Edward's is completely mental," I said. Peter snorted muttering I'll say, under his breath. "If she were a shield then she's a very specific kind that I've never seen before."

"We may never know until she goes through the change. But that is neither here nor there," Carlisle said with a sigh. His emotional state was a cyclone of stress, frustration, and anxiety. "Sloane will be left to Jasper to deal with. Edward, meet me in my study in five minutes. We apparently need to have a long discussion about behavior befitting a vampire your age."

Peter snickered at the scowl on the bronze bastard's face, and even I cracked a smile from the waves of embarrassment rolling off of him. "Jasper," Esme said gently from across the table. I glanced over at her. "It might be a good idea to call her family and let them know she's staying overnight. I'm sure the two of you will want to talk."

"I'll take care of it," Rose said. She swept out of the room already dialing the Weber's home number.

* * *

After everyone had dispersed to various parts of the house my guests and I made our way to the third floor to my room. Charlotte flipped the lock more out of habit than anything and took up her usual seat by the window. I wrapped Sloane up in the blanket from my bed when she started shivering and began the process of slowing bringing her out of sleep.

Funnily enough the closer she got to waking up the more she pressed herself as close to me as she could. A masculine sort of pride warmed me from the inside out, even as Char rolled her eyes at the stupid grin I could feel was on my face. Peter though, he understood.

When I'd sired him he was the calmest newborn I'd ever seen. His self-control was almost freakish but it allowed him to survive the usual yearly newborn culling. I'd recruited him as my second in command before Maria could do so. It was a risk, but with the two of us, we were able to maintain and control an even larger horde with both of our gifts at our disposal.

I remember the day we found Charlotte. While the newborns were busy razing the town Peter and I had broken off from the horde to go feed ourselves. We'd wound up in the brothel and sated ourselves - or so I thought. When it was time to leave Peter wouldn't answer me.

I'd run up the stairs to find him sitting in front of the door to a room belonging to one of the girls, just staring at her. She was tiny and far too young and shaking in terror flush up against the wall to put as much distance between herself and the rapidly cooling corpse on the bed. Her story came out quickly; she'd sold herself to make ends meet so that her little sisters and brother could go to school and have a chance at a life. With her father dead and her mother sick, there really was no other option for a pretty thing just barely seventeen like her.

One look at Peter and I knew he wasn't going to leave her. She introduced herself as Charlotte and as soon as my brother vowed no one would touch her like that again, she'd flung herself into his embrace, long pale neck already bared.

It'd been a nightmare keeping her quiet, but Peter was devoted. When Maria starved the newborns, he made sure she was fed, and if couldn't do it then I would. We could've died, hidin' her like we did. Mated pairs were a liability, a giant weak spot in your armor. Still, we made it. Char's first year was brutal but she'd made it. We all had. Seeing them together… they were my breaking point. When they left I followed and hadn't looked back since.

They'd been mated just about one-hundred and twenty-five years or so and he still looked at her the same way he did the first time he'd set his sights on her all those years ago. The same way I looked at Sloane now.

Sloane was ready to wake up anytime now. Nice and easy I lifted my influence from her and set her down on the couch to sit on the floor across from her. Her heartbeat sped up slightly as she fully came into consciousness, face scrunched up in confusion as she obviously tried to pinpoint where she was. She blinked, once, twice, her eyes unfocused. As a precaution I kept my gift focused on keeping her calm.

The three of us stayed silent as she sat up gingerly, looking around the room disoriented. I shifted to catch her attention.

"Jasper?" She said in a hoarse voice, squinting at me. Reaching over I picked up her glasses from the short table and handed them over. She slid them on, her eyebrows furrowing further in confusion.

"Yeah, darlin' it's me. You alright?"

"I think so. What am I-" she cut herself off with a gasp, looking up at me with eyes so wide the whites all around were visible. It took a bit of focusing to keep her from falling into a panic.

"Bella told me everything," she said shakily. Below, I heard Edward snort at the thought. I sent him an uncomfortable cocktail of lust and anger, satisfaction flowing through me at his sudden departure to hunt.

"What do you remember?" I prompted.

Sloane sat up fully now with her feet on the floor and pulled the blanket around her shoulders more. The only movement she made was the rise and fall of her chest, her thousand yard stare looking beyond her chipped toe nail polish.

Unlike most people, her thoughts didn't play across her face. I'd mentioned it to her once but she'd just laughed and fed me a line of bullshit about how a lady never revealed her hand. She kept her thoughts to herself but she was aware enough to keep her head down. Eyes don't lie, no matter how good of a poker face you have. And hers were full of hurt.

The fear was gone but it left behind a vacuum of hurt and anger. I let go of my hold on her emotions - what was going to happen had to be all her, with none of my influence. Her finger tapped out its usual beat on her knee as she curled in on herself. Sloane was the type to need a minute to prepare what she had to say and it was refreshing. When she spoke she wanted what she said to be perfectly clear with no room for misunderstanding.

She kept herself together as she relayed what she'd noticed about Bella. I jabbed Carlisle with a dose of curiosity so that he could take notes. She described the decline in her health, her worries of addiction and the continuous reclusiveness. Her sadness throughout it all was a little surprising, and it was then I was sure that she genuinely did care for Bella's well being despite Bella's general unconcern for anything that didn't revolve around Edward.

Her story continued with Bella showing up outside her house, and further on to taking care of her. Peter growled angrily when she told of Edward sneaking into the room. Sloane jumped out of her skin, whipping around to see the two sitting quietly by the window.

"It's very rude to eavesdrop," she snapped. My brother shrugged a shoulder unapologetically, waving a hand for her to continue. Char elbowed him sharply.

"You two mind?" I asked. Privacy wasn't something we truly had but I'd like the illusion for this. They slipped out silently, leaving just Sloane and me alone in the dim light of my room.

She finished her story quicker after that ending at the moment before she'd passed out. Silence fell, the only sound being her steady heartbeat and the slow inhale and exhale of her breathing. She sat there wrapped in the blanket, staring unblinkingly back at me.

"I'm angry with you," she said quietly.

"I know."

"No, I don't think you do." She shoved her hair out of her way back over her shoulder and sat a little straighter. "I'm angry with you because your omission took away my choice."

Now that wasn't what I was expecting to hear. "I'm not sure I'm understanding you, darlin'."

"You let me get close to you and your family without telling me of the risks. You lied to me by keeping up the illusion that you were human. By lying to me you took away my choice of whether I would want to continue spending time with you.

"That hurts, Jasper.I don't expect you to just come out of the blue and say, 'Oh hey, by the way, I snack on Bambi like a tick on the regular.' That'd be crazy. But sitting down to discuss things would have been appreciated instead of having to hear from someone else."

I honestly wasn't expecting her to sound so reasonable. Maybe that was unkind of me but I had fully prepared myself for terror and accusations of being a murdering monster. "Can I come closer, Sloane?" She hesitated but nodded her head.

I stepped over the low table, where we'd spent five straight hours talking when we'd first met, to sit in front of her. Hurt panged my heart as she tucked her feet under the blanket to put a little more distance between us.

"Sloane, I…" my voice faltered. Very seldom had I ever had trouble with words, as a human or vampire, but this. I had no idea how to make this better.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you but it just never seemed to be the right time." I held up a hand when she went to interrupt. "Looking back it was a bad plan but I wanted you to know me, trust me so that when I did tell you it wouldn't be quite so bad." She didn't flinch or pull away when I took her left hand in both of mine and I counted it as progress.

"There's a lot you'll need to know if you decide to allow me to stay in your life. But you have my word of honor that I'll answer every question you have to the best of my ability. I don't ever want you to feel that you have no free will in this relationship."

"Relationship?" she quirked a brow. "I wasn't aware we were a thing." It was a weak joke but if she was cracking them then she was coming around.

"That's up to you, darlin'." She stilled and fixed me with a serious gaze. I looked back at her just as steady. There was nothing I had to hide and I needed her to see my sincere honesty.

"Why is this so important to you? You're investing a lot of effort for a maybe girlfriend."

"I'll tell you but you're going to need more context than I can give darlin'. Carlisle will be able to fill in the blanks I won't be able too." I paused. "Before you make any snap judgments I'd appreciate it if you allowed us to explain everything first."

She was apprehensive, understandably so, but she agreed. My monster purred in approval - our mate was strong and smart. She was upset with us but it didn't shake the subconscious trust she had in us.

"Vampires aren't human even though we used to be at one point," I began. Her thumb swept back and forth over the back of my hand in a gesture I don't think she was aware of. Still, it gave me the courage to continue.

"Both males and females are territorial and some are to the point where they don't mix well with too many others. We call them nomads because they're always on the move. Others, like my family, have a strong pack instinct that calls to us to live as a coven. Immortality can be a very lonely thing to face alone."

Sympathy, apprehension, calm, some nervousness. So far she was taking it rather well. Then again the biggest bombshell had yet to be dropped.

"Regardless of lifestyle preferences both nomads and coven vampires have mates." Sloane stopped breathing and I rushed to explain. _God, let me say this in a way that doesn't sound like the movies Alice watched._ "We can't reproduce like other species so it's more of a primal need fueled by instinct to seek out companionship. Not all mated pairs are romantic. It boils to down what the pair wants out of it. There's choice." _Thank you, God. Because clinical and emotionless is so much better than sudden revelations of affection._

"I'm your mate," she said, her voice carefully neutral. I was relieved she'd made the connection to what I was struggling to say.

"Yes." Her head ducked down to look at our clasped hands.

A pause and then, "Do you love me?"

 _Did I love her?_

Reaching up to take her chin between my fingers, I tipped her face so her light eyes would look into my dark ones. I couldn't help smoothing my thumb over her lower lip, swollen from where she worried at it with her teeth. She looked so young, so vulnerable as she met my gaze and I clamped down hard on the urge to pull her into my embrace right then.

"Contrary to popular belief there are some things in life that are guarantees, Sloane Dawson," I said quietly. "The sun will always rise in the east and set in the west," her breath hitched in her throat as I leaned closer. "Water is wet and the grass is green." Her pupils were blown wide as I leaned in close enough for my lips to just barely brush against hers with my next words. "And I will love you until the time comes for me to meet my maker."

* * *

 **A/N: Please note that I've made some minor editing to previous chapters to make it consistent with the 2015 setting. I struggled badly with this chapter but I hope it doesn't disappoint. The next chapter is halfway written but this seemed like a good stopping point. More revelations and explanations next time!**


	8. Dépaysement

_Dépaysement:_

 _(n.) When someone is taken out of their own familiar world into a new one._

 ** _Sloane POV_**

* * *

I could feel Jasper's chilly breath against my lips as he knelt in front of me, his fingers gently holding my chin in place. My left hand was still held in his, leaving my right clenched in a tight fist in my lap. His dark eyes were hooded as he tilted his head slightly to the left like he was going to kiss me. Quickly, I took my free hand and pushed against his chest while pressing closer to the back of the couch.

I was living the cliche plotline of just about every young adult romance on the shelves of Barnes & Noble. Wasn't this the very thing so many fangirls dreamed about? The handsome immortal vampire professing his undying affections to the blushing, awkward virgin teenage heroine, the two of them sweeping off into the night for their undead happily ever after?

I turned my head away from Jasper's crestfallen face to look out the window. It was full dark now, but the glare from the lamp made it impossible for me to see anything outside besides what was reflected on the glass. My face looked back at me, pale and wan with tired eyes and wild hair, wrapped in the blanket like a fluffy burrito. The contrast between myself and the vampire who still knelt before me never looked so strange. Armed with the knowledge of his secret it was so painfully obvious that he wasn't human.

Maybe it was because I'd been watching Labyrinth earlier that I was reminded of Sarah and the ballroom. She'd been all dressed up in her fluffy ballgown, and had been sucked in by the allure of the Goblin King. The tension between them as they danced had been strange - Sarah, a girl on the cusp of adulthood, and Jareth, the grown man who should have known better than to entice a girl so young. Right now I felt a kinship with Sarah I never had before, now knowing what she was feeling when she ran away from the beautiful fae.

Jasper was an immortal vampire and a grown man who knew exactly what he wanted. I didn't know how old he was, but he'd lived longer than I had, had done and seen things I couldn't as a human comprehend. Many people had called me mature for my age, both physically and mentally. But right now I felt very, very young.

"I need a minute," I half-gasped, and darted around him to escape the intensity of the room, the borrowed blanket flapping at my ankles as I half-ran down the steps. It was all too much, too fast. Somewhere along the line my heart had gotten tangled with his and I was afraid of what exactly that would entail. Jasper wasn't like anyone I'd ever known; he was thoughtful, kind and would randomly pop up with his off the wall gallows wit that had me in stitches at the worst possible times. I loved the way he'd text me good morning, and how he always called me to wish me goodnight right before I went to sleep. I loved the way he'd listen to my insane three AM ramblings over whatever when I couldn't sleep. We disagreed on some topics such as religion and politics but it was never taken personally. It made for good friendly debates. Like everyone else, we had had some minor arguments over really stupid stuff but they always ended with us laughing in a pile on the floor. He never belittled me or put me down. Yeah, somewhere along the way my heart had gotten tangled in his own heartstrings. But was it love? Like, love love? Until I figured it out I needed a little space to make sense of it all. Hopefully, he'd understand.

Sighing, I slowed down when I reached the second-floor landing and came to a dead stop when I saw the cross on the wall directly across from me. It was dark with age and hung just above my head, contrasting nicely with the honey-colored wood paneling of the wall.

I stepped closer to touch it carefully, my fingertip just barely grazing the surface of it. It was every bit of silky as it looked. My curiosity sated, I shoved my hands into my pockets where they should have been in the first place.

"It is a bit ironic," a pleasant voice said from behind me. I jumped out of my skin, whirling around with my hand over my rapidly beating heart. Carlisle stood a careful distance from me with his hands clasped behind his back, dressed casually for the evening. Over his shoulder I saw Jasper hovering a few steps behind, watching the other blond carefully.

"Forgive me, Sloane. I didn't mean to startle you," Carlisle said apologetically.

I waved off his apology. "No no, it's fine. Nothing like heart failure to remind you that you're alive." Jasper frowned as he flicked his gaze to me, before settling comfortably against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. I couldn't help but raise my eyebrows at his behavior - weren't they coven mates? What was this all about?

The good doctor stood beside me and reached up to touch the ornament much like I had. His face softened with emotion before he pulled his hand away, slanting his eyes to look at me. "My father carved this long ago. It hung over the pulpit in the vicarage where he preached."

"Really?" I said surprised. "My father was a preacher's son too. Good old Oklahoman Southern Baptist." He'd died before I was born, but dad had spoken of him with fondness. At least, when he did speak with him.

He nodded. "John Cullen was an Anglican pastor from London. He was very well respected in our community but was rather extreme in his views." He smiled a little sadly, obviously lost in some sort of memory. "I suppose it's understandable considering the political climate in those days."

Shifting my weight from my left foot to my right, I tugged nervously on a loose curl as I blurted, "How long ago was that?" I slapped my hand over my mouth in horror, appalled at the sudden loss of my verbal filter. The sound of Emmett's laughing at me floated up the stairs which only made my face burn that much more.

He patted my shoulder kindly. "It's quite alright, my dear. Your curiosity is not offensive." He looked back at the cross before continuing. "My father carved it before I was born, sometime in the early sixteen-thirties. Time wasn't marked accurately for commoners such as myself, but my birth was before Cromwell's rule."

That was it. I slid down the wall and sat down, staring straight ahead. The mental math was easy, the cross was about three hundred and eighty-five years old, give or take a few years. My brain tripped over itself as I tried to wrap my head around the concept of that span of time. Jasper went to move toward me but stopped, letting the hand he'd extended fall back to his side.

"Just need a minute. Sorry, it's not every day that I'm faced with the reality of my own mortality." The lines in his brow deepened as he frowned some more but didn't comment. "How old are you, Carlisle?"

"I just celebrated my three hundred and seventy-seventh birthday last week," he replied. I mouthed the number silently, my brain screaming as it seemed to slightly overload.

"Happy belated birthday," I mumbled.

"Thank you, my dear. Why don't we go to my office? I daresay it's a little more comfortable than the floor." I accepted his proffered hand he extended to help me to my feet, returning his kind smile weakly. His skin was just as cool and hard as the rest of them.

"I'm going out," Jasper said a little stiffly. His eyes were soft despite his tone. "If you need me, Sloane, just call."

Quick as lightning he was gone, leaving me to follow Carlisle to a high-ceilinged room with tall west-facing windows. The walls were paneled in a darker wood - where they were visible anyway. Most of the wall space was taken over by floor to ceiling bookshelves fully stocked with neatly shelved books.

He took a seat behind a large mahogany desk in a leather chair, gesturing for me to sit in an uncomfortable looking one across from him. To my surprise the seat was amazing, my body felt like it was wrapped in a hug of squashy armchair. Crossing my legs and settling my hands in my lap I turned my full attention to the vampire.

He was quiet for a moment, clearly assessing me. He played the role of gentle town doctor very well, but I'd grown up around military - I knew a hunter when I saw one. He may be a kind man that was trusted by the community it was still better to remain cautious.

"How are you feeling, Sloane?"

"Fine, I think," I replied. "It's not every day you find out that the supernatural exists outside of TV."

Carlisle inclined his head, looking steadily at me over his steepled fingers. "I imagine it is quite a shock to have your world upended," he acknowledged. "I suspect you have questions." That was the understatement of the century.

"Tons," I admitted. "But I'm not sure where to start. Emmett mentioned a few things, so maybe there?"

"Of course. Tell me what he said and I'll happily fill in the blanks."

The next two hours was the most surreal time of my life. The overload of information was staggering but Carlisle had patiently answered every question I threw at him. He confirmed the basic things Emmett had said; vampires did solely subsist on blood, but the type of blood determined the color of their eyes. The venom aspect especially fascinated me, and when I asked rapid-fire questions Carlisle had stopped me to fetch a book from the shelf behind him as well as a wooden book cradle, like the kind you found in old book libraries. It was a thick, quarto-sized manuscript bound simply in mottled calfskin. There was no markings or stamping on the brown leather to identify the contents. Settling it on the wedge-shaped cradle, he undid the clasps that kept the book closed, and gently opened the book to preserve the slightly creaking spine. I nearly squealed in delight over the gorgeous illumination on the front page. Unfortunately, I couldn't read the neat script as it was in Latin, but the thick pages all were illustrated with drawings.

With the lightest of touches, I stroked the faded ink, noting the odd texture. It was smooth, but textured, almost like a leathery eggshell. "This is vellum, isn't it?" I asked, looking up for confirmation.

Carlisle nodded looking mildly impressed. "Indeed it is. Have you handled it before?"

I held up my hand and wiggled it in a 'so-so' gesture. "My best friend's mom restores old manuscripts and sometimes takes her work home. She would let me watch her work her magic in her workshop." I waited patiently as he flipped through the book, clasping my hands back in my lap to resist grabbing it.

Finally, he found what he was looking for and turned the book cradle so that it was facing me. One page was dedicated to sketches of different parts of the human body, notably teeth, eyes and what I thought might be the circulatory system. They were precise, careful drawings carefully labeled with neat even sized letters.

"While many vampires choose to live apart from both our own kind and humans, all of us are under the authority of the Volturi," Carlisle said. "They are the largest coven in the world, as well as the most powerful. They enforce our laws and keep the peace so that we may live undiscovered."

"So, they're what? The vampire equivalent of royalty?"

"Not precisely, but they are the ones who have kept order for three thousand years," Carlisle replied. He stood up from his chair, beckoning me to follow him. We didn't go far, just turned to face the doorway. The other three walls were covered by towering bookshelves but this one was solely dedicated to art. I gasped in shocked delight, rushing forward to get a closer look. It was crowded with mismatched frames of all sizes and styles, some in colors so vibrant it seemed impossible, others with moody monochrome. My rogue fingers reached out to the smallest frame on the far left. It wasn't anything special compared to some of the grander pieces, a little oil painting in a plain wooden frame. There wasn't any particular skill in the depiction of a miniature city full of dramatic slanting roofs, with a sweeping river in the foreground that was occasionally crossed by bridges.

"The London of my youth," Carlisle said softly. I turned my head around to see him smiling softly if a little sadly. He shook it off and gently directed my attention to the largest picture. It was as twice the size of the door, as well as the most vibrantly colored and the frame was ridiculously ornate. It was the work of a master; the canvas detailing four figures in dark, heavy robes looking over a balcony high above a city that seemed to be in a state of vivid mayhem - the figures below were clad in swirling robes, writhing around long pillars and marble balconies. The contrast between the four above against the celebration of life below was curious as if they were gods looking down upon the mortals they held dominion over.

"Aro, Marcus, Caius," he said, pointing out the first three figures, the first two black-haired and the latter snowy-white. I looked a little closer at the fourth figure, letting out a startled laugh upon recognizing that familiar blond hair.

"They maintain a permanent presence in Italy, in their city of Volterra," Carlisle continued, turning my attention once more to another painting - this one of a picturesque hilltop city made of sienna-colored stone. "I lived among them for a time while I was studying medicine, and it was there that I temporarily turned my studies to vampire physiology." We returned to the desk and sat back down, our attention once again on the open book in front of us.

"Our origins are a mystery," he explained. "There is no one left alive who knows exactly how we came to be, but with the evolution of modern science we have been able to learn about how we exist."

Since I couldn't read the neat Italian script Carlisle translated as he began his lecture with the vampire diet. Vampires were obligatory hematophagous creatures - meaning they couldn't survive on anything other than blood. Pointing to various diagrams of jaws and teeth, Carlisle showed how they released their venom when they bit down.

"Most other obligatory hematophagous animals have mouth parts such as a proboscis that enable them to 'suck' the blood out. Obviously, we don't," Carlisle said with a dazzling smile that, sure enough, looked just as human as mine. "When we bite down we also release an anticoagulant from our venom glands so as to limit the loss of blood. While it's a useful thing for hunting, it's true worth proves itself during the transformation process."

He continued on to say the blood they consumed wasn't digested like humans at all. Rather it was absorbed directly into their cells via osmosis. The transfer enabled their extremely rapid cell regeneration to ensure their bodies stayed in perfect condition. In truth, they weren't feeding themselves so much as they were the venom that allowed their bodies to function as it did. They technically could survive without feeding indefinitely but at the cost of slowed healing, rationality and mental facilities. Most didn't last very long before their primal instincts came to the fore and forced them to hunt.

It took a bit of mental gymnastics on my part to understand some things, but he really did his best to help me understand what I didn't. Their bodies still didn't make any sense to me. Vampire bodies were incredibly hard - they shouldn't have been able to move with how frozen they were. The venom, he explained, wasn't the same throughout their bodies. All the natural chemical processes in the human body were replaced with different venom-based fluids that not only coated their eyes but also lubricated them and the changed cells so that their hard bodies were able to move. It was only the venom produced in the mouth glands that had the capability to change a human into a vampire. The venom also caused dramatic changes in their outward appearance such as increased muscle mass, added height, the change in eye color and the pale skin.

"So you're telling me that an African-American human would come out of the change as white as snow?" I asked skeptically.

"Well no," he answered. "It's not as dramatic as you're thinking. We're pale because of the lack of blood flow in our bodies. Vampires who had darker skin as humans would have a slightly lighter skin tone after the change, but that doesn't completely happen until after their newborn stage which lasts about a year. There is a flushing of color after feeding, but that fades quickly."

"I guess that would make sense. But what's the reason for the sparkling?" I said, puzzled. "Everything I've learned today has taught me that all of the changes your kind go through are to give you every advantage over your p-prey." I stumbled a little over the last word but was able to compose myself quickly. If he noticed he was too polite to acknowledge it.

The blond closed his eyes and shook his head. "The cells in our skin crystallize and become hardened, much like that of a diamond to make it impenetrable. As I understand it is simply a side effect of the change rather than another advantage."

The cogs in my brain churned as I thought this over for a few moments. "Then maybe it isn't for you?" I said slowly. As a kid I watched a lot of Animal Planet; mostly for the Crocodile Hunter, but there were other shows I enjoyed. During the summer they had lots of documentaries that explored different regions and ecosystems around the world. My favorite had been about the frozen regions of our planet, but there had been a special about the Amazon rainforest with a segment devoted to the poisonous species that lived there. The more I thought about it, the more the sparkling made sense.

"What do you mean?"

"Think about it," I said excitedly. "Poisonous species, both animal and plant, are normally brightly colored as a warning. Maybe you sparkle for the same reason. Human skin doesn't do that. It could be a warning that you're dangerous; well, besides the other obvious signs."

"It's plausible," Carlisle said as he sat back in his chair, pressing the tips of his steepled fingers against his lips thoughtfully. "Certainly not outside the realms of possibility."

We moved on to discuss the heightened senses, including the additional gifts some vampires possessed. Carlisle explained how that the key personality traits vampires had as human were intensified by the transformation, but few were truly in the class of the supernatural. For example, a human with a love of learning becoming a vampire with an insatiable scholarly curiosity would be more likely than a vampire who'd had a sensitivity to how people felt and developed the ability to read minds.

"Do any of you have gifts? Could humans develop them too?

He nodded. "Only three of us do; Alice, Edward, and Jasper." My eyebrows shot up almost to my hairline. "Edward can read the thoughts of those around him. Alice can see the future, and Jasper is able to sense and affect the emotions of those around him. As for humans developing them, we're not quite sure how they manifest in the first place as they cannot reasonably be explained by science. In rare cases they will present in some early form as a human, like Bella for example."

"Bella is gifted?"

Again he nodded. "Edward is unable to hear her thoughts. I believe she may be completely immune to gifts that affect the mental state, but without being able to test this theory it is simply speculation."

That… explained so much actually. I sat back in my seat mulling it over. I was a little mortified at how much Edward has probably heard in my head, but it explained why he was always so cranky around me. I wasn't very complimentary about him in my thoughts. Then again he'd never done anything that made me think there was anything worth thinking good about. With Alice, I'd just assumed that she had a good idea of what was going on around her. She just seemed to have a talent for having the right thing at the right time. It also explained she pushiness with Bella - I wondered just how much of her visions were accurate.

As for Jasper… it made me wonder just how much of the calm I felt around him was because of him or because I truly trusted him. The thought that my emotions could manipulate and condition me into liking a person frightened me. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Actually, that was a lie. I knew I didn't like the thought of it, but perhaps with time I could adjust to the fact he had this ability so long as he didn't use it on me without my permission. Yet another discussion to be had, I thought grumpily.

Carlisle watched me carefully as I processed this. I wondered what he was thinking behind that carefully crafted mask. Like the rest of his family he was beautiful, a god wrought in marble and the palest gold. It was human nature to want to trust the beautiful, and it was one of the weapons his kind used to lure mine in. The subtle manipulation of preying on a basic, universal trait was almost kind of beautiful in its simplicity. Vampires were overly equipped with various weapons and lures of choice. So much so that it just wasn't fair. They were designed to be everything my species wanted and was attracted to. It didn't take any mental leaps for me to understand how many people would be willing to simply walk to their death with eyes wide open just for the chance to be in the presence of perfection. Part of me wondered if I was included in that. Another much louder part of me was frightened to find out.

There was so much information that had been handed to me within the last two or so hours that it would take days for me to properly be able to get through it all. Carlisle had assured me that if I had any further questions that his door was always open. I'd just pushed back my chair to exit stage left when one last thought occurred to me.

"What now?" I asked.

He slid the books he had pulled out back into their places on the shelf behind his desk and turned to look at me seriously. Hunter indeed.

"That is entirely up to you, Sloane," he answered quietly.

There was a migraine threatening to bloom behind my right eye, and the stress of the last forty-eight hours was getting to me. Exhaustion coupled with frustration caused me to lose my verbal filter. "I'm not interested in word games," I snapped. "Nor am I an idiot, Carlisle. I know what this was." I gestured between he and I, and then to the books on the shelf.

He sat down with feline-like grace, leaning back in his chair, propping his right ankle on his left knee, and steepled his fingers once more.

When he didn't respond I barreled forward. "I know a trap when I see one. You could've tried to silence me, threaten me or get rid of me; instead you freely hand me a novel's worth of information. In my experience that kind of thing isn't free. Now do us both a favor and tell me why." Forcing back the anxiety I could feel tearing up my insides behind my false bravado, I made myself keep eye contact with him, even after realizing he wasn't blinking or breathing.

Let me tell you, there is nothing more nerve-wracking than being alone with an being who could be so still. He waited me out patiently and unblinkingly until finally I couldn't do it anymore, turning my face away to look at the floor. My hands shook slightly from stress and instinctual fear, so I clenched them into fists and held them in my lap.

"You are brave, I will give you that," he murmured. My shoulders relaxed a fraction when the sound of his deep inhale and exhale reached my ears. "Brave, but rather prone to jumping to the wrong conclusions." Carefully I turned my gaze back to Carlisle, relaxing a little more as his lips curled into an approving smile.

"I'm a Dawson. It's the family curse."

"As I said, what happens will be up to you. My coven and I do not follow the traditional diet of our kin, but regardless our laws are clear about interactions with humans. Unless they are to be bitten at a later date or selected as a meal, humans are not to know about our kind." He said this neither kindly or unkindly; it just was. I appreciated the honesty, even if it felt like my heart was going to pound out of my chest. All this stress couldn't be healthy for it.

I trusted Jasper… or at least I did. It would take some time to rebuild what we'd had before, but I had faith it could happen. Regardless, I trusted Jasper more than I did the male sitting across from me. "Bitten or eaten?" I asked. "You would force me to change? I was under the impression I had a choice."

"You misunderstand, my dear. Me and mine have no taste for violence, and I believe that there is always a better way before resorting to baser instincts." He sighed as if this were a difficult topic for him. "Your unique status complicates things. In any other situation your fate would be up to me as the leader of this coven, but that is not the case here. Jasper is your mate, and as such the responsibility lies with him."

"Responsibility?" I bristled. "I'm not a _pet_ , Carlisle. The only one responsible for me is me." He flipped up both hands in the universal sign for 'peace', looking at me with the same expression my dad had when he was frustrated with me.

"Sloane, I am doing my best to explain this, but I cannot do so if you continue to interrupt."

I bit my lip, hanging my head. "I'll stop, Carlisle. I'm listening."

He began again, and as I promised I didn't interrupt. "As his human mate your actions will reflect upon him. The Volturi have their spies everywhere, particularly on the ones they covet most for their Guard. Should you decide to reveal our secret, Jasper would be the one to pay the price, by either their hand or mine." My eyes widened in horror as I leaned back further away from him.

"I abhor violence, Sloane, I will not allow my commitment to a peaceful philosophy stand in the way of protecting both my coven and my mate," he said. "Even from themselves. The Volturi do not take prisoners, and I will not allow harm to come to those under my protection. If the Volturi were to demand your death Jasper would fight to keep you safe, no matter the cost."

"You would turn on him for protecting me?" I asked with a shaking voice. Carlisle stood up and moved around the desk to sit on it, taking both my hands in both of him, almost a perfect mirror of what Jasper had done just hours before.

"We Cullens are a family, Sloane, not just a coven. None of us would turn the two of you out just to save our own lives, but I feel you need to understand the worse case scenario. Will you listen?" He asked gently, brushing aside a rogue tear. I nodded looking at our clasped hands.

"We feel deeply as a species, much more intensely than humans do. Coupled with our natural inclination to rely on our instincts instead of logical thought and reason, many do not view the world as we do, nor do they value life. It is his story to tell but I will tell you that Jasper did not have quite the civilized upbringing most of us here did. He is a good man with a strong moral character but even he struggles with his instincts. Should he feel a threat to you exists the possibility of him returning to old habits and mannerisms is there but not as drastic as it probably sounded." His thumbs swept soothingly over the backs of my hands while he talked in that gentle tone. "I love him as if he were my own son and I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of the strides he's made since joining our family. But I feel I am doing you both a disservice if I do not take into account of every possibility. While I'm certain Jasper will pull every connection he has if he hasn't already to keep your existence a secret, there will come a point in time that you will have to make a choice."

"Becoming a vampire or death," I said.

"Or walking away," he added, sounding a little sad.

I'd only known the Cullen's for three months, but that was all the time it took for their existence to shake the foundations of my life. It should be a no-brainer decision. Eternal youth and immortality, with a supernatural life - who said no to that? Even I had to pause to think about it, despite the thought of immortality being unappealing. It never seemed worth it to me. Sure, you're alive forever but at the cost of watching your friends and loved ones die. Death was completely off the table as I had no desire to rush to the void just yet.

Which left walking away. That… that somehow hurt even worse than the thought of outliving everyone I'd ever known.

"Something tells me Bella hasn't heard this talk."

"You would be correct. It is perhaps more accurate to say that she hasn't received it yet, as well as the reason you are. I'm certain you're aware Edward's dislike for you?" I snorted. Mutual loathing was more accurate. "His shift in personality and behavior is because of Bella."

My head shot up angrily. "Are you seriously trying to pin this on her?" I snapped, half-rising from my seat. Bella's own behavior had pissed me off a couple times, but I'd be damned before I let her being be thrown under the bus of sexist bullshit logic.

"If you're quite finished, I will explain," Carlisle cut in tartly. Slowly I sank back into the seat, nostrils still flaring angrily.

He waited until I was sufficiently calm to continue. "La tua cantante." The Italian rolled off his tongue like the smoothest silk. "It translates to 'your singer.' It is what we call a human whose blood is particularly appealing to a certain vampire in an extreme sense because their blood sings to them, much like a siren's song."

My knuckles were white from how tightly I was clenching my fists, nails digging painful grooves into my palms but I didn't care. I nodded to signal I was listening.

"Like how we smell enticing to humans, there are some who are equally enticing to us. The more appealing any human's scent and taste are to a vampire, the more difficult it will be for that vampire to leave the human alive. For some vampires finding their Singer is a great discovery, and something to be savored much like a fine wine for humans."

 _Oh, Bella…_

"Does she know?" My voice was steady despite the calm I was seriously lacking.

"She does," he confirmed. "Both she and Edward have elected to ignore the risks in favor of pursuing a relationship." If I hadn't been looking so intently I wouldn't have seen the slight turning down of the corners of his mouth. He didn't totally approve, but he wasn't going to interfere either.

"You cannot possibly think this is healthy for either of them," I insisted. "Worst case scenario, Bella becomes dinner. If they're romantically involved don't you think Edward would be devastated knowing he'd drained his girlfriend?" Was he insane?

Carlisle sighed, pulling his hands from mine to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I would not be an effective leader if I didn't pay attention, Sloane," he said dryly. "As it were, I do agree with you. Their relationship is built on mutual obsession - Edward wants her blood, but he also wants her as his mate. Bella wants to be changed in order to be with Edward forever. This has the potential to end in a complete disaster."

"But you're not going to stop it." It wasn't a question.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I love my son," he replied quietly. "He is my first born, my venom the one that made him into what he is, and as his sire, it is my instinct to protect the ones I have made. He is young and foolish, but after a century of being alone he has finally found the girl he wants." Carlisle looked down sadly at the desktop. "Fate was cruel in designing his heart's desire to be a trial of temptation, but I must have faith that this ends happily."

There were many sides to Carlisle Cullen; vampire, protector, mate, leader, healer - he was a compassionate man with a gentle heart, but he was also a father who just wanted his son to be happy. It was admirable, and truly I empathized, but Bella's safety and well-being were important to me. She may not be as invested in this friendship as I was, but I wouldn't treat her any different than I would my other friends. Someone had to look out for her best interests as it obviously wasn't going to be herself.

"Bella is my friend," I began, but trailed off, unsure of what to say. I shook my head, trying to make sense of what it was I wanted to say. "I don't want her hurt. She's not confident or willing to speak up for herself. I'm not afraid to do it for her, but Edward doing everything he can to separate her from me makes that very difficult. It's like he's deemed me a threat."

"Because in his eyes you are." My eyes flew wide in shock at his blunt response. "A part of Edward, no matter how small or large it may be, sees Bella as prey. Much like other predators, we prefer to keep our prey close and out of reach of those who would steal it," Carlisle smiled apologetically. "It is our nature, but it is our responsibility to be above our base desires. The more you wish to help Bella by separating her from him, the more he sees you as a threat."

Anger flashed through me, white hot and violent. "I won't give up on her," I said stubbornly.

"I should hope you don't. If Bella is to survive this and keep her soul intact, then I truly believe having such a stalwart defender is the key." His tone softened. "I fear that if she and Edward continue on like this left to their own devices, Bella will lose herself trying to please my son."

It was neat and easy plan, except for one thing. "Who's to defend me from Edward then? I'm tough but not vampire-proof."

Carlisle just smiled knowingly. "Jasper would never allow harm to befall you. _That_ is something I can guarantee."

* * *

My nose picked up on the scent of something heavenly. I followed it to the kitchen with my stomach growling. I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten. Around the corner I went and wandered into the kitchen to see Esme at the stove as she turned something over in a pan with the confident grace that came from long practice. Or natural reflexes in the case of vampires.

She picked up a plate that was set to the side, with a still steaming side dish of what looked like edamame on it, and transferred the contents of the pan onto the waiting dish. It looked like fish from where I was standing, but couldn't be sure as she ladled something red over the top of it.

"I do hope you're hungry, Sloane," Esme said pleasantly when she turned around. She beckoned me to follow her to the table and set the plate down in front of me once I took a seat. "Rosalie said you liked fish, but we weren't sure what kind. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Just water, please." She blurred out of sight and returned just as fast, a glass of water next to my plate.

"It's salmon topped with a red-pepper pesto and chilé-garlic edamame." She frowned suddenly as if something just occurred to her. "You don't have any food allergies, do you? Forgive me, I got so excited I forgot to ask!"

"I'm only allergic to bee stings and penicillin," I scrambled to reassure her. "Anything else is fair game." Esme relaxed, the lines disappearing from her heart-shaped face. "Really I appreciate this, but you didn't have to go through the trouble," I said awkwardly. It looked and smelled amazing, but I didn't want to be rude. My stomach rumbled again, demanding I fill it.

She just smiled again, dimples on full display. "Nonsense, sweetheart. It's a pleasure being able to cook again."

At her encouragement, I took a careful bite of the fish and pesto, and just barely managed to stifle what would surely have been an embarrassing sounding noise. My eyes near rolled in the back of my head as I ate. The edamame was the perfect balance of salt and spice, while the pesto brought out the spices she'd rubbed into the salmon. Normally I hated when people watched me eat but I was too hungry to give a damn.

"Please give me the recipe," I said after I took the last bite. Out of habit, I stood up to wash my plate but she took it from me, encouraging me to sit back down. I went to protest but she just shut me down gently.

"You're our guest," she said simply. When she returned after loading the dirty dishes into the dishwasher she handed me a piece of paper with the ingredients list and recipe for what I'd just eaten. Saying thank you didn't seem enough so I threw caution to the wind and pulled her into a hug. For a few seconds I thought I'd made a mistake but before I could pull back she'd hugged me back in a way a mom only could.

When I pulled back she didn't quite let go of me, her hands still gently holding onto my biceps. She was shorter than me, only by about two inches, but something about her entire countenance made me think of my own mother. They were almost nothing alike in personality but it was just that extra something that most mom's had.

"Enhanced hearing doesn't allow for much privacy here," she said, smiling apologetically. "Carlisle was very thorough in your education, but he could have been a little more tactful in how he said things." I shrugged. There was so much to process, but as a human in a whole new world, I didn't know what I should feel just yet.

"You don't know us very well yet, but I want you to know that we already consider you family. It's been a long time since someone has been able to get Jasper out of his shell."

"He does do a great impersonation of a hermit crab," I joked. Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she laughed. It was a little disorienting just how lovely it was.

"I would have loved you just for doing what you have for Jasper, but your friendship with Rosalie…" she faltered. I was a little panicked, not knowing what to do or say to console her.

"Rose is a great person. She's just got a few layers to get through," I said awkwardly. "She's worth the effort. I'm glad I met her. All of you, in fact."

Esme sighed but it wasn't a sad or distressed noise. She tucked my hair behind my ear and pulled me into a hug again. "I know you're frightened," she whispered into my ear. "But I want you to know that we love you as one of us. No matter what you decide." She pulled back again but not without a chilly kiss on my cheek and vanished.

Around the corner came Rosalie carrying my overnight bag. Even in casual jeans and a blouse she looked like she stepped off a runway, but maybe it was because of the killer red heels she was currently wearing and not just her natural vampire glam effect.

She handed me the bag and said, "Your aunt asked me to tell you that the dog is fine. He returned without you unharmed, and she didn't want you to worry."

"Merlin," I corrected absently. "What did you tell her happened?" Sitting the bag on the table I rummaged through it. Rose had thought of everything from my pajamas to my medication and my make-up bag. I even had a set of clothes for tomorrow so that I didn't have to wear my current clothing again.

"You fell in the woods and knocked yourself out. Emmett was hiking with Jasper when they found you and brought you back to Carlisle. You're staying the night so he can monitor you and will ride with us to school tomorrow." It was a perfect airtight alibi.

I let out a huge sigh of relief while being flooded with guilt over having forgotten about Merlin this entire time. Rosalie must have seen it on my face because she pointed her perfectly manicured finger at me and said, "None of that! Everything is just fine. Now, go upstairs and get changed, it's girls night."

Bag in tow I padded over to the staircase, dreaming of a hot shower as I climbed. My foot hadn't even completely set on the second-floor landing when I heard my name. Looking up, I saw Jasper standing a polite distance away, his arms at his sides, waiting. Shuffling my bag in my arms I stepped closer so that I was away from the edge of the stairs, but didn't go any closer to the silent male. I felt awkward now after everything, particularly from how I ran from him and his heartfelt confession. Jasper broke the strained silence first.

He stood with his spine straight, shoulders back and his feet just shoulder-width apart as if the familiarity of the pose helped center him. My heart felt a little bruised looking at him. "I hurt you," he said seriously as he looked back at me steadily. "Just because things have changed doesn't mean you need to or should forget about that. I need you know that I'm sorry and I'll never do something like that again."

"You did," I agreed. He flinched. "It was a big thing to keep from me but I understand. Carlisle helped a lot, but I'm still going to need some time." He bowed his head, soft blond hair shading his eyes. "But, I think…" Jasper looked at me again when I trailed off. I wanted to be sure I meant what I was going to say next.

"You think what?" he prompted.

I didn't think I loved Jasper the way he loved me, at least not yet. I knew I loved him, but it was the love I felt for Rosalie, for Lola, and for Alice. It was loyalty and friendship that felt like happy afternoons. I was only seventeen, and I knew I wasn't ready for something quite as serious as what Jasper wanted. Part of me felt that I was being cruel for disappointing him by not being ready, but I knew he'd never want me to feel that way. There were things I needed to accept and work on before I was sure I wanted to accept what it was he was offering. I didn't know what the future would bring, terrifying as it was, but I hoped it had him in it, no matter what.

Secrets, revelations of species and supernatural worlds, moody mind-readers - all of that was going to be a mess to sift through, but I'd deal with it tomorrow.

"I forgive you," I said softly. "It's a lot to, well you know," I gestured vaguely with a half-smile.

"Yeah, I know." He took a step towards me, then another, holding his arms out slightly in a familiar, obvious invitation. I dropped my bag and eagerly threw myself into his arms, snuggling close like I'd always had before all of this.

His strong arms wrapped around me like they always did; one arm around my waist and the other around my shoulders with his hand buried in my hair. I squeezed back tightly, burrowing my nose into the junction of his shoulder and his neck where his scent was strongest. It was always easy with Jasper. No pressure, no fear. Just quiet and comfort. For all that we'd only known each other a few months he'd become a fixture in my life that I never wanted to give up.

Slowly he pulled away from me, clearly reluctant to let me go. We stood close together, both of us unwilling to move just yet. Like a blossom toward the sun, I leaned in close to him, his presence leeching away the stress of the last few days. My eyes slid shut when I felt the brush of the back of his fingers against my cheek and I was unable to resist leaning into him like a cat just like always. The first time he'd done it I'd been embarrassed so embarrassed by my response and I still was somewhat, but his happy smiles every time it happened made it worth it.

Finally, he stepped back to pick up my bag, carrying it the whole five steps it took to reach Rosalie and Emmett's room. With one last lingering touch he disappeared, only the sound of the door from above evidence of where he'd gone.

* * *

Sometime between Alice painting my toes and Charlotte telling funny stories about some of her adventures with her and Peter I must have fallen asleep. Which was a feat in itself because I don't sleep well in unfamiliar places. I woke up in a very comfortable bed, so that might have had something to do with it.

Since Alice didn't have a bed I assumed I was in Rosalie and Emmett's room. It was too dark for me to make out much, let alone find a light switch so I blindly made my way over to what felt like a door. Once I found the handle, I turned it and found myself on the landing. It was dimly lit and quiet like everyone was settling down for the evening. For all I knew it was still evening, but I doubted the vampires were sleeping.

Laughter floated up from the direction of the stairs, followed by muffled cheering. It sounded like they were having a good time. It sparked my curiosity; what did vampires do for fun?

For a moment I was hesitant, very aware of how underdressed I was. My grey tank top was paint stained and my flannel pants were a little too big, sitting low on my hips. It was comfortable and what I normally wore around my house, it wasn't something I'd pick to wear walking around here.

The carpeting on the stairs muffled my footsteps as I picked my way down them carefully. It wouldn't do me any good if I were actually trying to sneak around in the house of beings with supersonic hearing, but I hadn't been able to find my glasses upstairs. Without them I was as blind as a bat in daylight and very likely to run into a wall. Or five.

"You motherfucker!" Emmett yelled. A chorus of shushing swiftly followed.

"Aw, come on, it's not like she'll hear us," I heard Peter say. "Didn't move when we put her to bed."

I chose that moment to wander into the living room and rubbed my eyes against the bright lights.

"What's goin' on?" Covering my mouth to stifle a huge yawn, I blinked hard to clear my sleep blurry eyes.

Carlisle was sitting on one of the couches with a laptop on his knees; Esme, Charlotte, and Rosalie on the other. Which left Peter, Emmett, Alice, Edward, and Jasper sitting on the floor in a loose circle playing a card game.

"I told you that you were being too loud!" Rosalie snapped. Padding over to the gathered vampires I quickly jumped to their defense.

"No, you guys are fine. I just don't sleep well in unfamiliar places. Or at all really." When I first moved in with Angela I'd tossed and turned, sometimes flat out not sleeping the first month before I adjusted to my surroundings. My cousin was gentle and mild-mannered but even she had been a little on edge with my restlessness.

"You have problems sleeping?" Carlisle inquired, looking prepared to go into full doctor mode.

"Always have," I answered with a shrug. "Not a big deal, I function well enough."

He frowned, clearly not pleased with my answer. He didn't push the issue either but I had the sneaking suspicion that it would come up later.

"Well if ya ain't sleepin' then ya might as well join us," Peter drawled, patting the floor between him and Jasper. "You can watch as I kick Beef-arms McLarge here's ass."

Emmett looked so offended at the nickname that I couldn't stop the giggles that burst forth as I made my way over to Peter. The Texan vampire gently tugged me down and offered to start over so I could play.

"Nah, it's fine. I'll watch." A little hesitantly I leaned against Jasper, not sure if it was alright to do so. While he'd never had a problem touching me, I had never initiated physical contact between us. Mostly because he was normally already touching me. Looking down at me with one brow arched he wrapped his arm around my shoulders to tuck me into his side.

"Aw, aren't they cute." The black-haired male's eyes twinkled with mischief and I just knew I'd have to keep an eye on that one. Out of curiosity, I grabbed Jasper's wrist to check the time; it was a little past midnight. Tomorrow was going to suck if I didn't get any sleep.

"Technically it already is tomorrow," Edward said, responding to my unspoken thought. He threw down a 'draw four' card, at which Peter groaned. I narrowed my eyes at him annoyed at the invasion of my privacy.

"You're invading my home," he said. His brows drew together in annoyance at my next thought. "Don't you dare threaten my piano."

"Then butt out of my head, you useless paperclip."

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"It does if you've ever had to use Microsoft Word for any school project." I shuddered reflexively. Those were dark days indeed.

"Edward, enough." Carlisle's curt rebuke curbed his tongue but it didn't stop him from looking at me like I was a piece of dog shit on the bottom of his shoe.

It was nice just sitting here with them and watching them interact. Alice switched places with Peter so she and I could talk, and unsurprisingly she won every round. The boys grumbled about how it was unfair to play against a psychic, but it was all good-naturedly. Jasper didn't seem inclined to let me go as we stayed where we were on the floor. Even though I was freezing and a little stiff there wasn't anywhere else I wanted to be.

Just like before with Alice and Rosalie I fell asleep without meaning too. "I'm awake," I mumbled as he picked me up easily. As always it was a bit (actually a lot) of a thrill witnessing his strength. He shifted me in his arms to his liking and started in the direction of the stairs.

"Sure you are, darlin'," he replied, walking at human speed up so as to not jostle me too much. I drifted, just barely aware of being set down on a much smaller but no less comfortable bed. Patting blindly I found his hand and tangled my fingers with his, pulling it up to my lips and pressing a kiss to the back of his before finally drifting off.

* * *

Two days later Mike and I were stretching out in front of his house fresh from a run. Steam rose off of our overheated skin, our faces rosy from exertion. He fell over onto the grass still wet with dew groaning like he was dying.

"Why are you such a slave driver," he whined, flopping onto his back with an arm over his eyes.

"Why are you such a baby?" I took a seat next to him cross-legged, sipping on my water. To be fair we had gone a little harder than usual today, a mile and a half run followed by a mile and a half job back. Since moving to Forks I'd slacked off a bit on my conditioning and was a little paranoid about being able to fit in my clothes. Not that anything wasn't fitting, but since moving out here I'd developed more of an awareness of my body than I had back home. It really wasn't healthy to fixate on it, I knew that. My anxiety seemed to have missed that particular memo.

We sat there in a peaceful silence, watching the sun peek up over the horizon. It had become a ritual between us; wake up, run like the idiots we were and then collapse on the lawn to watch the sunrise. In a few minutes we'd have to leave to get ready for school but for now, it was nice to just be.

"So," Mike said far too casually to be genuine. "The spring dance is coming up." I froze, my water bottle poised against my lips mid-sip. Please no.

"Yeah, I know. Jess is excited about it." Mike propped himself up on his elbow to look at me, his sweaty unstyled hair making him look boyish.

"Are you?" Oh, God. This isn't happening.

"Not particularly. I'm not much of a dancer." It was true. My dancing skills made Commander Shepard look like Ginger Rogers in comparison. That didn't mean I didn't like to dance because I actually did. I just was bad at it.

"It's girl's choice you know," he said, plucking a blade of grass between his fingers and twirling it. "Have you asked anyone?" Fuck.

"I hadn't planned on going actually," I replied. The twirling stopped, and he took a deep breath before looking at me in the eye.

"Would you like to go with me?" Shit.

"Look, Mike-"

I was unexpectedly rescued by the beautiful sound of his front door opening. We both turned around to see his mom poke her head out, obviously looking for us. "Michael, you're going to be late! Get a move on!"

He groaned, flopping back down on the ground in annoyance. I stood up and brushed the loose grass off my pants. "See you at school!" I yelled over my shoulder as I ran down the street to my house to get ready.

A little over an hour later, I was driving down the highway towards school with the windows rolled down and my radio up. It was unseasonably warm today while still overcast so I was going to take advantage of it. Angela had gotten a ride with her not-boyfriend Ben, so I felt no shame in singing along with Lzzy Hale and our mutual appreciation for American boys.

The parking lot was just starting to fill up when I parked next to Bella's rusted behemoth in the back. It was nice to not have to wear quite so many layers, but knowing the weather it was likely I'd be back in my parka tomorrow. Today I'd opted for black leggings, a dark berry colored dress that swished around my knees and brown boots I'd picked up in a consignment store in Olympia. My makeup was a little lighter than usual; rose gold smokey eyes with my signature false lashes and winged eyeliner. On top of the black liner, I'd added a thin stripe of a glittery silver, added a light brush of my favorite blush, swiped on a matte soft pink lipstick and wrapped it all up with strobing for a dewy look.

Travel cup in hand, I ducked around the students who were still milling about in the pre-school stupor and made a beeline for my usual spot to wait. Bella spotted me and I waved her over.

"How are you not cold?" she asked skeptically as she took in my appearance. She was still wearing her parka even though it was a little warmer, but I guess going from Phoenix to Forks did warrant more of an adjustment.

"I'm from New York," I said, taking a drink of the piping hot tea. "There's a lot more snow and frozen crap than there is here." She shuddered, and I just laughed but I did hand her my cup so she could warm her hands.

"Did you ask Edward to the dance?" she shook her head.

"No, I'm not really cut out for that sort of thing." She looked at me wryly. "Balance problems, you know. What about you?"

I did know. Even after three months I was still playing meatshield in gym for her to protect the rest of our team. Tyler had made me a medal for 'my willingness to put myself in harm's way for the greater good'. I'd made sure to nail him good later.

"I'm not a fan of school dances. I always end up standing by myself against the wall," I told her. "It's really awkward and honestly I'd rather be awkward at home painting or doing something unproductive."

"Agreed." We both leaned casually against the wall, watching people start to trickle in.

"I was wondering," she began, turning the mug around in her hands. Her warm brown eyes scanned the incoming cars for a silver Volvo before flicking back to me. "Would you like to go to La Push with me? Charlie is pretty insistent that I get out a little more but everyone here wants to shop or hike."

"Sure, I'm game. Are we going for anything in particular, or is it a 'fly by the seat of our pants' thing?" Humor flashed in her eyes as she shrugged.

"Just to go. There's really not much to do here." She was right about the shopping and hiking thing. There really wasn't much else to do in Forks or the surrounding cities, but after living here for a while I found I liked the slower pace. It was a refreshing novelty.

"So long as you're not wanting to get in the water I'll be just ducky." Mike had been insistent on continuing my lessons after our first trip to La Push, but I still wasn't very confident in the water. My feet were very happy to stay on dry land where I could see my toes thank you very much. Between the Kraken and Bigfoot, I figured I'd take my chances with the latter. Or Jasper would since he was unlikely to let me get too close to danger. The visual of him taking on Bigfoot was ridiculous, and I snickered. Bella looked at me strangely but I just waved it off.

Like magic, her eyes were glued to the silver Volvo as it pulled into the parking lot closely followed by a red convertible and a black truck. Bella was nearly vibrating as she waited anxiously for Edward, eerily reminiscent of a junkie waiting for their next fix. From half-way across the lot, the boy in question pinned me with an icy glare. Suddenly he froze, his head slightly tilted as if listening. My blood ran cold when he looked at me once more, a smug grin on his face.

I have no idea what you're planning, but I'm letting you know in advance that I think you're an asshole, I thought, glaring at him in return. He just smirked, sauntering over to us like he owned the place. Fucker.

"Hey, Sloane!" Mike called from somewhere to my right, and suddenly I realized just what was going to happen. Edward, that fucker, just smirked some more.

"I hate you," I hissed before rearranging my face into an expression that was less evil. I looked out into the parking lot for help, but my friends hadn't parked just yet. Fuck.

"Hey, Mike," I said when he jogged over to the three of us. His spiked hair was looking a little waterlogged from what I bet was snow, but it didn't seem to phase him. The blond slid to a stop and slipped, his arms flailing as he tried to regain his balance. On reflex I reached out to steady him, only to get dragged right on down with him.

My tailbone was bruised along with my ego, but I'd live. My friend spluttered apologies as he helped me back up but I stopped listening after the first one as I tried to check and see if anything had gotten ripped. Satisfied I was still relatively put together I shushed Mike by holding up my finger.

"It's all good, Mike. Stop apologizing."

"Yeah, okay," He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "Listen, about that thing we were talking about this morning before we were interrupted. You never answered me."

An odd feeling of curiosity seemed to brush against me, if that made any sense, before disappearing. Looking up I saw Jasper standing beside Emmett as he talked with Rosalie by their car. He tilted his head slightly and I realized it had come from him. Pride and pleasure gently rolled through me.

Drawing my attention back to Mike, I scrambled to put my thoughts in order. "I'm sorry, what did you ask me?"

"Would you go to the Spring dance with me?" Fuck me sideways, this had to happen now? His question had drawn attention and before I knew it we had a not very discrete crowd waiting on my answer with bated breath.

"I won't be in town," I lied, hoping I sounded convincing. A random surge of confidence helped keep my voice steady. "I'll be in Seattle that weekend with my parents."

"Oh, okay," he said sounding a little dejected. I felt so guilty for lying but I wasn't the kind of girl to give someone false hope. After school I would talk to him, and let him know I wasn't interested in him like that.

"There's still prom," he added brightly. Someone called his name and with a rushed goodbye he ran over to them. Once the coast was clear I wheeled around to stare down Edward 'Fucktard' Cullen.

"You bastard!" It was all I managed to spit out before Bella stepped between us. "Dammit Bella, move." She blocked me as I tried to step around her.

"You really think you're going to fight him? What are you, twelve?" she asked me incredulously.

"I would if you'd move out of my way."

Her chocolate eyes flashed as she planted herself more firmly between the two of us. "Enough! You're acting like a child."

"Agreed," Edward added silkily. Both of us were shocked when she spun on her heel and stabbed a finger into his chest.

"Don't you even think about it. I know you started it, so you don't get to jump in on this." She glared at both of us with her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm so sick of you two fighting! Don't you understand that it hurts me? Why can't you act like grown-ups and at least be civil?"

"Sorry, Swan. My 'no bullshit' policy doesn't allow a free pass for emotionally stunted assholes with control issues." Bella let out a frustrated noise and stomped off, Edward hot on her heels. I stared at his retreating back willing him to spontaneously combust.

A low whistle caught my attention and I saw that my other friends had finally made their way over here. My temper was raging high and I was in no mood to deal with anyone right this very second. The bell rang signaling it was time for all of us to head to class.

* * *

 **A/N: To those who got the alert last night about the update, I'm so sorry! I made a mistake by uploading the wrong document, and when I went to replace it with the right one it was gone!** **I'm so sorry for the delay in updates. Hurricane Irma forced me to evacuate and only recently did I get my power and water back on. Now that I'm back home I can update more frequently.**

 **I am not a scientist, but I do like science. The lack of science behind the Twilight vampires always drove me batty, so here we go with my poor attempt to make the science make sense.**

 **Questions? Comments? Rotten tomatoes? This was supposed to be a lot longer but I had to cut it in half because the word count was getting upwards of 21k. Next chapter the plot gets going much quicker, but this needed to get done before that one. Once I finish editing it'll be uploaded quicker. This isn't my best chapter but I honestly had no idea what else to do with it, so it's kind of a filler piece. Sorry. Anyway, thanks for reading!**


	9. AN: The Rewrite!

I am pleased to present to you the rewrite of this fic! I've struggled with it but it's more of a work I'm proud of than this one. If you are so inclined, the first chapter has been posted under the fic: "Our Shadows Fall Away Like Dust".

To those of you who've commented and sent encouragement, I send you many, many thanks. Its very encouraging seeing reviews even after two months of inactivity on my part. Hopefully, you'll like the rewrite as much as I do.

Sincerely,

Bioticbootii


End file.
